Making Waves

The royal family didn’t like her, the aristocracy didn’t like her. She was vulnerable, she was not a perfect person, and I guess she could be difficult. But she was good. And she cared. – Dominick Dunne Princess. Humanitarian. Kind-hearted spirit. Lover. Legend. All these words come to mind when I reflect on the life of, Princess Diana. When I was a little girl, I remember being fascinated with her and her life. It wasn’t until I became a woman that I realized why. On the surface, Princess Diana’s life may have seemed like a fairy tale, but truthfully, reports shared she was in a loveless marriage and lonely in her role as a princess. She also struggled with insecurities, an eating disorder and loneliness on a level I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to cope well with. When she divorced, the world saw as she completely reinvented herself into an extraordinary woman who could empathize with just about anyone she encountered and touch many hearts and lives in the process. Her

I used to be good at blaming other people for my problems. Blaming others meant I didn’t have to take responsibility for my misery and unhappiness. One memory that reminds me of this was during a season I was in and out of college. I sat out of college for over a year once and felt because I wasn’t getting help I wanted, it was other peoples fault. Someone who prompted me to think about my choice of blaming others was my little brother. At the time he was finishing up his junior year of college, while I was out of school working at a job I felt I was wasting my life away doing. I was giving up on myself and utterly miserable. We’d both been texting and he asked me why I wasn’t in school. My response was, mom didn’t help me with the paperwork stuff. He replied, so, its mom’s fault? His response woke me up. It wasn’t my mom’s fault or anybody else’s responsibly, but my own, to figure out a way to get back in school and finish. I could’ve finished much earlier than I did if I ha

Dealing with racism isn’t foreign to most minorities. Due to ignorance and the current political climate, racism is something that’s no longer non-existent. Of course, many people of color knew it never ended in the first place. But knowing how to deal with racism can help ease the blows, if one ever finds themselves facing it. I’ve experienced racism since I was kid. And all throughout high school, college and even in the workplace, too. Every situation’s been different. Some situations were subtle and some were not-so subtle. I’ve endured race jokes and being called a nigger. I watched non-minorities misappropriate other cultures as a joke, or as an effort to try to be cool. I’ve also endured comments about my “natural hair”, in addition to comments or suggestions that I couldn’t afford something or have certain things because I’m black. And on one occasion in college, I was told my writing would do great in an urban market as opposed to doing well in others.  I’ve also bee

Be prepared to deal with loneliness. In fact, embrace it. You may discover a new level of confidence you haven’t tapped into yet – Me This year I dealt with a lot of loneliness and feeling especially unwanted. I noticed this around the summer and instead of embracing it, I grew resentful. What I couldn’t see then that I’m able to recognize now was that the loneliness and feelings of being unwanted were necessary . There were some relationships and friendships I cultivated during my time in college that weren’t as solid as I thought. Looking back, a number of them were mainly superficial and lacked steady foundations to begin with. Although I masked a strong and confident front that I was unbothered, I was honestly pissed, disappointed and mostly hurt I didn’t stay connected with a number of people I’d met. And it wasn’t because I didn’t try. I sent texts, reached out, and even looked at my phone and social media feed for weeks to months at a time waiting to be reached out to a

As a writer I’m often asked, “What do you write about?” My go-to answer has usually been a vague, “Non-fiction” but after taking some meetings this past week with more experienced and successful colleagues, I recognized I needed to be more specific. The more I’m connecting with people showing interest in my content, the more clarity I’d like to provide on what I’m writing about. Making Waves centers on the following: Mental & Emotional Health Pop Culture Race Relationships Reviews & Recommendations Spirituality Waves (opinions and perspectives from my take on particular subject matters.)   Hopefully this clears things up. Enjoy!

What is a critic? Someone who can’t do what you can do so they want to criticize your stuff. – Martin Lawrence (this quote has been paraphrased. Specifically the word, stuff , to avoid using profanity.) Being a Christian will never limit me as a writer. I’m not a big fan of labels because I know if people can label you, they can limit you. I’m a Christian and a writer, but I’m not a Christian writer. I don’t want to be put in a box and have my content be specifically aimed to just a Christian demographic alone. I’m a Christian with an edgy side. Still saved, though. (Just in case anyone gets that twisted.) I want to reach people from all walks of life. Doing so doesn’t come without being criticized, though. I write about all kinds of things and it’s not always clean, cookie-cutter, wholesome stuff. Some of it’s going to be controversial, raw, direct and vulnerable. I’ve personally struggled with the vulnerability aspect because it’s scary to share my truths and experience

If you work hard, I believe you deserve to do something special for yourself. Treat yo self. But don’t get out of control. I also believe in being a responsible adult when it comes to money, but I’m no stranger to treating myself to a great meal, a great concert, a full body massage, a nice outfit, or anything else that seems fitting to my idea of a treat. I like the concept of working hard and then playing hard. Treating yourself doesn’t have to be grand or expensive. It could be something as simple as your favorite cup of coffee or going out to a movie you’ve wanted to see. It’s different for everyone, but just in case you don’t know how to treat yo self, check out the link below. Warning: the follow video may cause laughter. Enjoy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Na2__y5gpE

I recently ran into a former childhood bully. When she spotted me she look liked she’d seen a ghost. When I saw her, I got a bit tickled and thought, I was afraid of that girl, once? Why? We said nothing to each other, but, now that we’re both adults I realize my fear of her wasn’t as serious as I once thought. Make no mistake, she was a monster, but aside from being a cruel person, I don’t believe she was capable of causing any physical harm. When we were kids she was older than me and I really looked up to her. I thought she was so cool and when she flipped the script on me, I was terrified of her. I remember being on the school bus crying and shaking. She was so cold that she actually mocked me, while some of the other kids on the bus did nothing. Eventually, she stopped speaking to me all together and that was that. Did I mention we both lived in the same neighborhood back then, too? Our moms talked it out, but it wasn’t enough to restore anything. My fate had been sealed, and th

I hate anxiety. And I hate what it’s done to a number of people I know. It’s the reason why some aren’t able to function properly. It robs many of their peace and can ruin lives in disruptive ways. Anxiety literally traps people in isolating prisons of pain, panic, and fear that quite frankly, makes me angry.  Anxiety is something that’s become so common that people accept it as a diagnosis. I can’t accept that. When people reach out to me about their struggles with anxiety, I listen, carefully try to walk them through why they’re feeling it and immediately go into a posture of prayer. It’s hard, but I know what it’s like. Some of my most memorable anxiety struggles?   Financial strain. Growing up, I didn’t learn great money habits. I saw how money was mishandled and how poor financial choices affected my family, negatively. Because of that, I used to worry about not have enough . Financial struggles were a trigger for me, and as an adult I made a choice to know better and do

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.” – Hebrews 12:28-29 Thanksgiving is days away. I’m already excited to put on my sweatpants, have a food cheat day (eating whatever I want) and spend my day lounging around. Of course I’ll lend a hand in the kitchen and eventually rise from my food coma, but I fully intend to enjoy relaxing. Thanksgiving isn’t just about relaxing, though. It’s a time for peace, love, fellowship, and expressing gratitude. Last week I was up into the wee hours of the morning, frustrated and in my feelings about some things I’ve spent the year wrestling with. When I went to church that same weekend, I received a word from God that helped put me at ease. I was reminded of God’s faithfulness, and that no matter what was happening, I still had plenty to be thankful for. Often, we can overlook how blessed and fortunate we are, not re

If a guy goes through a bunch of women, he’s a player and praised for what he does. If a woman goes through a bunch of men, she’s quickly labeled a ho, tramp, slut, whore, thot (acronym for that ho over there ) and any other name that can come off as a negative insult, and more often than not, will find herself ostracized and judged. If a woman enjoys sex and has as many partners as a man, does that make her a thot or just sexually liberated? In the 90s Darren Star’s popular series  Sex and the City, featured four women who were close friends, living in New York City, who routinely discussed their sex lives and experiences with different partners, while navigating the dating world. To this day, the series remains a cult classic. There was also another series by Mara Brock Akil titled  Girlfriends , that featured four African-American women who were smart, successful, and driven professionals, who did the same. Girlfriends was like a black version of Sex and the City . Both sho

Inevitably in life, you’ll eventually work with people you don’t like. It happens. Different personalities are bound to clash, however, if you intend to make the most of your time and be a non-irritated professional, being cordial is a must. At work I’m really quiet, unless I’m consulting with someone. I’m also a great listener and observer, which means I tend to catch things that most people overlook or miss, because they’re not paying close attention. I notice who’s well liked and who’s not, who shares too much about their personal life and those who are more reserved, and I can easily identify who can be trusted and who can’t. One of the best tips I got from a seasoned co-worker was: It’s best to just keep people on a need to know basis. And that was something I immediately grasped about a month on the job. In any work setting the culture and people combined, help set the tone. Accessing the environment, culture (the rules), people (those who are liked or not well like

I embarrass easily. When something happens that embarrasses me or someone else, I instantly want to disappear until the smoke has cleared. I’ve experienced many embarrassing things, and it’s my desire to be vulnerable with some of my moments, so others don’t feel they have to go into hiding because of their own. Brace yourself. Some of these are too funny… I once asked a guy if he’d rather live in San Diego or California. He looked at me like I was an idiot and replied, “San Diego is in California.” One summer when I was working at a camp, I skipped a step when coming off the bus and fell face and palms first onto the concrete. Bystanders got real quiet, with a few gasping and some saying, “Oh my gosh, are you okay?” My hands and wrists were scrapped and bloodied, and I walked around the rest of the day covered in band-aids.  When I guy I’d went out on a date with texted me a poem, I thought the poem was for me, since he knew I was a writer. The poem was actually for anoth

The process of glowing up takes time. A glow up will look significantly different for everyone, but I believe people can tell when one has indeed, “glowed up.” Glowing up is the process in which one goes through a noticeable transformation where they look good, are doing good, and have bettered themselves. It happens to the best of us. I’ve seen people glow up and thought, man, when did that happen? As a former nerd, I’ve always had a soft spot for others that were capable of glowing up. I could empathize with them because I knew one day, I would improve, too. For example, growing up, the guys I liked never liked me back, and they thought it was funny to diss me in the process. I’ve never been one for revenge, but I maintain that you should be careful who you diss. The nerdy types glow up in ways you’d never think. And the same ones who diss, will be the same ones trying to get at you after you’ve glowed up. I’ve lived this and it’s funny, because looking back, I don’t know why

The summer I was nine, my parents started sending me to an overnight Christian camp. It became a thing I looked forward to each summer. In the beginning I wasn’t excited, but once I arrived and met other girls just like me (the kind who practically spent their lives in church too) I was hype. A lot of us came from different areas, races, and backgrounds, but we were all about Jesus. My summers at the camp were the best, because it’s where I felt accepted in ways I hadn’t been, back home or at school. The set up was nice. We girls were assigned to cabins, with two female counselors and a group of other young women. The week girls arrived boys weren’t allowed (except for the male counselors that worked there, which a lot of us ending up crushing on.) The camp had all kinds of things like horseback riding, golf, chapel services, swimming, arts and crafts, and a gym where we’d all play games. Even though I was amongst a tribe of other girls I had a lot in common with, I was still relative

I used to be really homophobic. But it didn’t last long. When I was a teenager a gay peer schooled me one day, and her words impacted my once, very rigid and sheltered approach as a Christian. When I learned she had a girlfriend, I didn’t want to be near her or sit next to her. And I let her know it. She smiled and said, Just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I’m interested in you. Not all gay girls look at straight girls and want to get with them, especially if we know you’re straight . She didn’t seem offended. In fact, she was nice, and I felt like a huge jerk. When I was growing up, homosexuality wasn’t something that was as open as it is now. And while I knew guys that were gay, I’d never met a young woman that was. I learned that while some of us have different beliefs, we can still agree to disagree, walk in love and respect one another. Lately, I’ve had some family, friends, colleagues, and even myself, wrestle with a somewhat tricky question: Is the person you’re intere

His music. His sense of humor. His effortless coolness. I’m here for it. I first learned about Donald Glover when I watched his stand up show  Weirdo . I knew he was on a show called  Community (which I hadn’t watched before) and was involved with music as well, but I had no clue how funny he was until I watched  Weirdo  and his hit FX series  Atlanta . Atlanta is h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s and very well written. The man is a genius and I love that he’s massively multifaceted. He can write, act, produce, sing, and rap. I mean, what can this dude not do?  One night I listened to his song  Redbone  on repeat and was a goner. He’s all kinds of cool and I really enjoy his work. It’s definitely worth checking out. Get familiar with it. Check out the link below to listen to Redbone and some of his other material. Enjoy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp7eSUU9oy8

There’s no such thing as a perfect family. It’s not realistic. I bet if you took a look behind the closed doors of any household, you’d likely find some dark places. There’s an old saying that goes, what happens in this house, stays in this house . I don’t like that. It’s a saying that can weigh on people carrying the weights of pain they shouldn’t have to carry. It’s the weight of parents that are unhappily married and fight, but pretending to keep it together for appearances. It’s also the weights of substance abuse, parents who play favorites with their children, or perhaps parents who may be jealous of their children. It’s even the pain of siblings who rival, and the scars of physical, sexual, and/or verbal abuse, but, it all has to be kept in house , because God forbid someone seeks help. It’d damage the family reputation or image. No disrespect, but that’s insane.   One night when I attended a worship service at my alma mater, a guy I’d just met was able to pick up on some w

It was probably one of the most historically, shocking losses the election world had ever seen. The people voted. Trump beat Hilary. It was disappointing but it happened. Before and after it happened, I began to realize how racist, prejudice, sexist, and divided a number of people I’d known, were. It was especially hard processing a number of Christian Republicans claiming salvation, but supporting and spewing hate. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that. Anyways, myself, and many others were upset and with good reason. The moment I heard the lewd comments referencing inappropriately grabbing a woman’s genital area, and the time a speech was borrowed from Michelle Obama, in addition to the social media rants, and foolish statements that continued to be expressed, I was like, wow, is all this happening? But Michelle Obama said it best: When they go low, we go high. What was also interesting was how years prior, there was so much blatant disrespect, hatred, and opposit

There were shouting protesters. There were also people holding signs with pictures of fetuses and warnings of doing things Jesus’ way . It was odd seeing all this up close. The first time I really understood abortion was when I was thirteen. I watched a close friend of mine endure being called a baby killer after other people found out about a choice she’d made. We were both young, but I quickly learned how cruel people can be. As I got older, I’ve talked with other women who’ve shared their experiences of entering Planned Parenthood to do what they believed was the right choice for them, and while I listened to their stories, I never judged them. Why would I? I’m a Christian, but I’m not God. There’s a lot of controversy surrounding Planned Parenthood and I wonder do people who are in protest of it and suggesting it be defunded, have a warped perception of it? Planned Parenthood provides birth control, various forms of contraception, and healthcare, and for many women, it’s t

I used to be afraid of dying. But I know it’s going to happen one day and understanding that death is a part of life, makes me less afraid of it. Plus, I know God’s not done with me yet. I still have a lot of living to do (so I don’t plan on checking out anytime soon) however, death also makes me think about life and the significance of how I spend my time. I recently read a book by Kevin Kruse titled  15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management, and something he wrote really clicked for me. He wrote… We must be vigilant with our time. There’s only 1,440 minutes in a day. 1440. That’s it. As much as I try to be flawlessly diligent with my time, I’ve wasted plenty of time I’ll never get back. Once I started saying things like, I feel like there’s not enough hours in the day , I knew I wasn’t managing my time properly. I was pissing it away. I’d hate to get to the end of my life and feel like I wasted it away doing things I didn’t enjoy, being around people I didn’t

Which one of your kids do you think will get married first? a family friend asked my mother. Well, probably our son because he’s the one that’s in a relationship. My response was simply, well, it’s not a race . When my little brother announced he was planning to propose to his girlfriend, it caused some tension. The tension led some people to believe I was jealous. And that was hurtful. However, I did question myself and go to God like, am I jealous, Lord? I wasn’t and I’m not. I think when you don’t get excited about what others get excited about, there’s a problem and people assume you have an issue, which isn’t always the case. When my brother shared his plans before hand I told him, congrats, but do it when you’re ready . He’s doing it and I’ll be a supportive big sister. My brother and I are two different people with two very different mindsets. So, we’re going to choose differently. My parents married young and my brother is following in their footsteps. However, I’ve alway

One day at work a handful of co-workers and I got into a conversation that soon turned humorous when one co-worker asked, “So, what’d you do for money in college?” There was instant giggling because the question sounded scandalous. Suddenly, we all started sharing different stories about our experiences working at part-time jobs before getting into full-time positions. A handful of us had done internships, one person had an interesting story about dressing up in a costume for kids’ parties, another worked at an amusement park, and I started thinking about my time as a childcare provider, office intern for a local magazine, and finally my position as an office temp. The grind through college wasn’t an easy one. But now I can really appreciate that time in my life of juggling multiple jobs, and working through school. Each position helped me grow, taught me a lot about myself, and how to work with other people. When I was a freshman in college my parents didn’t want me to work because t

If you were a 90s kid you probably grew up knowing about the hit abc series  Boy Meets World . The premise of the show was about a boy named Corey Matthews, who navigated the perils of growing from a boy to a man, with his best friend (and total babe) Shawn Hunter, and Corey's first love, Topanga Lawrence. I recently binged on the show when I saw it was on Hulu and fell in love all over again. I’ve asked other women if they were team Corey or team Shawn, and to be honest, it’s a tough call. Both were adorable. Corey Matthews was an overall good guy. He was the epitome of the boy-next-door. He was also smart, goofy, loyal, and committed to Topanga Lawrence for the long haul. Then there was Shawn. Shawn Hunter was the bad boy. He had a rough life, but, he was the rebel with a good heart, which made him even hotter. He also had a sensitive side, and when he hooked up with his girlfriend Angela when the show went into its later seasons, I was hooked. I was definitely rooting for those

I’m a big fan of viewing Ted Talks. They’re very engaging and informative and one of the most memorable one’s I’ve seen is by, Amy Cuddy, discussing the significance of body language. I believe this is a Ted Talk that almost everyone can benefit from, especially any ladies. Check it out in the link below. It may serve you well. Enjoy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc