Making Waves

The current state of this world often feels uneasy . The political climate, hatred, violence, constant tension, natural disasters, and uncertainty have been the source of much anxiety, stress, and sadness in ways many of us didn’t anticipate while approaching this year. I’m not someone who typically struggles with anxiety, but at different points this year, I’ve found myself more triggered than usual by some decisions being made at different leadership levels, devastating changes, and unexpected hiccups and losses that have caused more disruption and discord than ever before. If I’ve been feeling this way, I wonder how others are navigating things too. How are you doing right now? Are you okay? If not, it’s okay. A lot is going on that’s prompted more questions than answers, and I would encourage you to sit with how you’re feeling and do regular check-ins with yourself. There’s no harm in confiding in a trusted family member or friend, seeking professional help, picking up some self-he...

Working in education is a rewarding experience.  I get to teach my favorite content area (English), invest in the lives of young people, and work in a space where I feel free to be me. It’s also been great working with wonderful educators, some of whom I’ve developed trusted friendships with, who’ve approached the workplace with professionalism, positivity, and a great work ethic and attitude. But the same can’t be said of all educators. There have been some I’ve met and immediately knew to stay far away from. Negative energy, mean girl vibes, pettiness, messiness, and drama can easily be detected when you pay close attention. People are always communicating messages to us about who they truly are. In education, the students aren’t always the biggest challenge. Often, it’s the educators who behave like some of the students we teach. It’s disturbing witnessing educators, often grown women, forming alliances and friendships with other educators who shouldn’t be trusted. They create...

If someone had told me I’d be dabbling with creating and producing sports content, I probably would have laughed and dismissed the idea completely. I love sports and have always enjoyed viewing sports coverage and observing sideline reporters at sporting events since I was a little girl. However, I never saw myself in a similar role until the idea to start my own platform called “Simone Speaks Sports” emerged. I’d overseen my middle school’s Girls’ Sports Broadcasting Club for two years and supported my scholars as they interviewed different coaches and athletes during our fall sports season. Our school’s student activities coordinator had been asking me for years about getting a broadcasting platform in place. I didn’t think I’d have the time to commit to it, but the opportunity turned out to be a fun one. I’ve enjoyed working with my girls, mentoring them, and watching them step outside of their comfort zones while following sports and conducting interviews. One evening during one of...

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space.  I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Ability, opportunity, and intent are three words I’ll never forget after taking my first concealed carry course. Learning about firearm safety, how to properly purchase and use a firearm, and obtaining my concealed carry license were goals I set for myself and accomplished at the end of last year. Although I felt completely outside my comfort zone, I knew taking these steps were important to me. Mainly because of the current state of our world and society in general. During the course with Concealed Coalition, our instructor began by stating that the world seems more hostile than ever. He shared how you could be an innocent person minding your own business and suddenly find yourself in a situation where a firearm is present or needed. When he asked, “What made you take this course?” I responded, “For protection.” The course was filled with men and women there for the same reason and others. We all learned about specific laws in place surrounding firearms, the steps to purchase them, ho...

About a year ago, a thirty-something-year-old revealed to me that he didn’t want to marry his girlfriend. He explained how they traveled together, how much she turned him on, and that she was a single mother. He also described her as a non-ambitious woman. While he doesn’t have kids of his own and doesn’t want to start a family until he’s married, he made it clear that his girlfriend isn’t “the one.” When I asked him if he wanted to marry her, the room fell completely silent. Her child from a previous relationship is what makes him hesitant. He went on to share that he still doesn’t know what he wants and that he’s not into having a blended family. However, he’s dating a single mother who I imagine has no idea he feels this way. One of his married friends told him, “I know you’re sleeping with this girl and hanging out with her, but if you’re not going to marry her, you need to break up with her.” I even warned him that he may end up getting got if he’s not careful… but he doesn’t thin...

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

I’m convinced that many people don’t think before they speak. Especially when it comes to interacting with people who don’t have children. Normally, I’ve held my peace with this and felt the need to solely address women when it comes to this topic, but lately this is a message that men can benefit from too. Stop saying stupid stuff to people who don’t have children . I know this might be a difficult task for those of you who are nosey, have concerns that have nothing to do with you, or may be unhappy in your own life, but stop with the questions, jokes, and reckless comments. Even if you believe you’re being funny, making conversation, or coming from a genuine place, you’re honestly out of line. Because someone not having children and why is none of your business. I don’t have children, and I honestly don’t know if I will, but as a woman, I’m good with my life either way. I’ll always be grateful for what I have instead of lamenting about what I don’t. Which is probably why getting olde...

One morning, I was approached by two of my brightest work teenagers who wanted my help passing a letter on to a peer one of them had a crush on. These girls were friends filled with joy, anxiousness, and eagerness about this letter making it to the intended recipient. First, can we celebrate the fact that letter writing is still happening? I love that it’s not an extinct practice. As I took in the details shared with me, I thought it was an adorable move, and I couldn’t help but notice how much these girls reminded me of myself when I was navigating my first crushes at their age: excited, awkward, and nervous. Even when my attempts to reach out were almost always unrequited. My work teenager with the crush was on her second letter to a boy who hadn’t responded to the first one she wrote. She’s a bright, beautiful, and kind young woman with a heart of gold, and as much as I was rooting for her, I also felt bad for her. Because as amazing as she is, the guy she likes isn’t interested... ...

The first time I attended a formal event, I felt awkward and underdressed. I also didn’t know which fork I was supposed to eat with (since there was more than one in front of my plate setting). I was in my twenties and had been invited to attend a formal luncheon as an intern with Tidewater Women Magazine. At the time, I didn’t have my email on my phone (and didn’t check my email on my computer before heading out for the day), so when my intern boss told me we’d be attending a luncheon, I showed up in a multi-patterned maxi dress from JC Penney with a pair of ballet flats. This wasn’t a proud fashion moment for me. My boss and the other women at the event were in blazers, stunning business dresses, and nice blouses and heels. While I was embarrassed about not looking as put together as everyone else and barely touched my food (because of the fork incident mentioned above), I was still excited to be in a space with different women I hoped to be like someday. These women were smart, beau...

By the time this is shared, I'll already be 35. While celebrating another year, I've been doing a lot of ruminating on where I'm at as I keep moving forward. And so far, life is going good. This doesn't mean everything's been perfect or that I've dodged challenges, but for the most part, things are good. Outside of the world as we know it moving through a major time of transition and uncertainty, personally, I’m doing well. As past birthdays came and went, I’d typically write and reflect about different things society, family, friends, and haters have suggested “I should” have or be doing by a certain age. However, I thought it’d be cool to share 35 truths I’ve embraced while embracing my 35th year. Here we go. 1) If you like and love your life, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. 2) Everyone’s not going to like you. You’ll live. 3) Some people are jealous of you based on a limited view they have of your life. No one truly “has...

I believe that every woman should have a lingerie drawer. This special drawer should be filled with a variety of personal favorites that make you feel incredible about yourself when you look in the mirror. In my experience, lingerie is a great expression of self-care, especially when it comes to building confidence. I know that lingerie is often associated with how it can make one’s partner feel, but I don’t believe lingerie is just about the male gaze. I believe it’s more so about how it can make a woman feel who chooses to wear it.  As a Christian woman, I struggled (for years) with a lot of shame about my body, expressing my sexuality, and exploring it. I had a lot of unlearning to work through because of some of the controlling and shame-based teachings I was taught in different church communities. During my freshman year of college, I purchased my first thong, and when I came home on spring break, I felt like this was some dirty secret I needed to hide. When my mother did my l...

In the 2017 horror film Get Out , there’s an unforgettable scene when one of the film’s villainous characters, Rose, a young white woman, is seen eating Fruit Loops and drinking a bottle of milk through a straw as she searches the internet for “Top NCAA prospects.” This moment in the film is frightening because the purpose of Rose’s search is to ultimately lure young and unsuspecting Black men to a deadly fate after she begins dating them. If you’ve seen the film, you know how everything ultimately turns out, but if you haven’t, you’ll have a better understanding of the bigger picture.  Recently, college football superstar and future NFL prospect, Travis Hunter, became a source of media scrutiny and controversy regarding his relationship with his fiancée, Leanna Lenee. Much of the criticism was around his fiancée and comments she shared about how she wasn’t initially interested in Travis before they started dating. Additionally, she received backlash regarding the couple’s interact...

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m not one who enjoys discussing or listening to discussions about politics. In recent years, the political climate has grown increasingly hostile and has caused many families, friends, associates, and more to become divided over different beliefs, policies, practices, and changes as we all navigate this uncertain world and these uncertain times. As I’ve grown older, I’ve aimed to exercise more wisdom and discretion when it comes to openly aligning myself with any political party or candidate (which is no one else’s business but my own). I get why some people feel the need to be vocal and outspoken about their views and who they’re supporting, but I also recognize the power of moving in silence too. When it comes to politics, we often hear a lot about what people don’t want and what they don’t like, but how often do we think about how we can take what we don’t like to advocate for change? Surely this is something to think about among all the “noise” that’s not benefitting any of us. W...

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

On different occasions, I’ve jokingly said, “I just want to be a regular English teacher who teaches my content well, gets my scholars where they need to be, and quietly works in a corner without being bothered by anyone or anything.” For a moment, I thought I had things set up well to move as a regular and unbothered teacher… until I was approached by one of my administrators about taking on the role of our 8th grade English department’s PLC (professional learning community) Lead.  When I was asked to take on the role, initially I wanted to pass. I had no interest in leadership and knew that if I accepted, I’d no longer be able to work quietly in a corner without being bothered and having new requests and demands placed on me and my time. Because any and everyone who’s ever been in a leadership role can tell you that when you’re leading anything, people will almost always come to you (first) with requests, questions, and problems they’re seeking to have resolved, while sometimes f...