Making Waves

Breakups suck. Especially breakups with friends. This seems to be something more common with women, and maybe a handful of men, but lately, I’ve noticed how different family members, friends, and colleagues have opened up about their hurt and disappointment when parting ways with people they once considered good friends. Many of the stories shared, along with some of my own, had common themes of tension, fights, and miscommunication. Looking back, a number of my splits were my own fault because I often got involved with people too quickly, was always the one reaching out first, got acquaintances mixed up as friends, and let my role as the “mentor/big-sister” cross lines it shouldn’t. When you make those kinds of mistakes, yourself and others involved are bound to get hurt. And sometimes, no matter how many chances you give someone to get things right, try to hash things out cordially, and come to a resolution, some friendships are just over, and that’s okay. On the other hand, you may

Positivity is one of my core values, but there are times when I’ve felt like quitting, crawling back in bed, and being left alone. It can be challenging to press forward in the midst of life happening and all the more, when unexpected challenges come through. But I’ve realized it’s by God’s strength that I’m able to function through heartbreaks, disappointments, and challenges. Below, I’m sharing three tips that have served me well whenever I’ve felt like giving up and if you’ve ever felt like giving up, you may find them helpful as well. Prayer – I pray consistently and fervently. I also combine prayer with action when required (as faith without works is dead – see James 2:17) but I know I’m not able to do any and all things in my own strength, which is why I pray for God to carry me in the areas that are heavy. That’s why He’s God. He can carry weights I’m not equipped to handle and no matter how I’m feeling, there’s great relief that comes with prayer, and simply having conver

Texts. Phone calls. E-mails. Social media. Updates. Endless alerts. It can all be too much. Lately, I’ve been making a conscious effort to pull back on all the above. Sometimes, a break is much needed. I don’t like a lot of noise or talking period, so I often find that unplugging helps. Being plugged into so many different things everyday can be draining and overwhelming, yet, so many people have made it part of their everyday lives. I’ve found that I’m much happier, sleep better, and more at peace when I’m not aimlessly scrolling through my iPhone or worried about what any and everybody else is doing. Believe it or not, there was once a time when there were no smart phones. People were present, everyone didn’t know everyone else’s business, and didn’t over share as much. These days? People have way too many ways to access each other, and while technology has improved our way of life in some ways, it’s also become a hindrance in others. Unplugging is beneficial because there’s great p

She’s the shining star in the group. Just wanted to let you know, you’re killing the game at all times. You’re amazing. I’m trying to get like you. Can I have your autograph? You inspire me. She’s compelling. I think you’re amazing. I think you’re fabulous. You’re going places for sure. I want to be friends with her. You haven’t even reached the surface of all the things you’re going to do… -Note to Self: Compliments are flattering, but stay humble. Don’t let things people say swell your head up.  

Life after graduating college can feel uncertain . I’ve lived it and I’m still working through it and feel obliged to warn and inform soon to be college graduates about what life after college can be like, and openly share some of my experiences. The experiences can best be described in stages.    Stage One : Emotional Meltdown. Please allow yourself to go through this fully and if you can, stay away from all social media during this time. Times of transition can have all kinds of emotions and expressing those emotions through status updates isn’t a good idea. You’ll be excited about finishing college, but you’re about to enter into another level of the real world that will be filled with plenty of twists, turns, disappointments and surprises. Taking the time to focus on yourself  is critical. Stage Two : The Question. Constantly hearing, “What are you going to do with your degree?” Know that it’s okay to not know and that you’ll figure it out soon enough. Stage Three : Downtim

Comments: Demonstrates excellent class attitude, but she’s not working to her potential. I’m concerned with how fragile she is. I expected more from you. You should be making better grades than this. You just did enough to get by. Boys are smarter than girls. I believe you had what it took to be a gifted student. You’re very bright… math just isn’t your strong suit. Report Card Day: Four A’s. One B. All A’s and one B. Why don’t I have an A in math? It was just three points away from an A. I hate math. Inadequacy. Insecurity. Tutoring. Summer school. Meltdown. Pressure. Academic excellence. Performance anxiety. Improvement. Acceptance. Did you do your best? You still know you did great, right? It’s okay to not be a perfectionist. They’re just grades. – Kindergarten & age 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 & 18. 

Superhero fans all over the world may have had this debate. It’s a battle between the world of Marvel and DC. Honestly, my loyalty has always leaned towards the world of Marvel. I remember watching the animated X-Men series as a kid, and I’ve seen all the X-Men films except for the solo Wolverine ones – I even dressed up as Storm one Halloween (I wasn’t able to manipulate the weather like she does, but I still looked great! Professor Charles Xavier would have been proud of me.) But my take on each side? Let’s see… The world of Marvel has brought us: X-Men Spiderman (Tobey Maguire is my favorite pick) The Avengers Daredevil (Ben Affleck was a terrific fit) Thor Deadpool Captain America (Chris Evans is a hottie) Guardians of the Galaxy Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman is a babe) The world of DC has brought us: Wonder Woman (Much respect to Lynda Carter – the original. Without her, we wouldn’t have Gal Gadot. But Gal Gadot is a beast. She also served in the Israeli

When someone you love dies a lot of things you might think matter, don’t. Suddenly, material items, status, worry about things beyond your control, whining and complaining, grudges, and a bunch of other senseless things become insignificant. Last weekend my aunt passed away. When I got the news from my mother, I was surprisingly calm and perhaps a bit numb (especially because during the weeks leading to her passing, I’d been coping by praying and throwing myself into my work and writing.) But the reality was she was no longer here. And I have a combination of feelings about this loss -- sadness, anger, disappointment, hurt, and acceptance. I’m saddest for her husband and kids because now, her husband is going to be without his wife and my cousins are going to be without their mother, and that reality breaks my heart the most. I’m also sad for my own mother (who was her sister) my aunt, uncles, and extended family and friends that knew her, because this wasn't something any of us s

Overlooked? Forgotten? I totally get it. When you understand why it’s happening… why it happened  It’ll make you a better person. A much better person than them They’ll regret treating you like you were common. Trust. –I got ya’ll. 

The Pink Power Ranger. Bride. Teacher. A quality friend. Lawyer. Writer? A great girlfriend. Violinist. Drummer. An amazing fiancée. Cheerleader. Photographer. CEO. Model. An incredible wife. Counselor. Writer? A fantastic mom. Actress. Entrepreneur. Writer. -I believe I’ve found my niche (and some other things too.)

I’ve been a fan of Aubrey Drake Graham for a long time. Even as far back as when he used to play a character named Jimmy on a show called, Degrassi: The Next Generation . This was way before he was rapping. I always thought he was cute and had the biggest crush on him. The first time I heard, Best I Ever Had,  I was hooked. I couldn’t believe he was rapping, and to see how much his career has grown has been incredible. I even got to see him in concert once, when his Take Care album came out. And it was a night I’ll never forget. It’s wild when I meet people who diss him and his work, and say things like, he’s overrated and corny , but I don’t think so. I think he’s cool. One of the things I love about his music is that he sings and raps, and that’s something special. I also used to have a bunch of his posters hanging up in my bedroom, but took them down years ago – they seem like they’ll be more fitted for a home office space in my bachelorette pad. His earliest album, Thank Me Late

“I used to be like you. All positive and stuff,” she said. “But people hurt me, even people I loved, and I let it make me bitter. Now I’m an angry, bitter woman.” The woman that said this to me was an old colleague. I already knew she was bitter, because it often showed. She was almost always negative, nasty, rude, and mean and as awful as she was towards me and others, I felt sorry for her. Because after she shared that life had dealt her a lousy hand, she chose to let it make her bitter. Little did she know that as positive as she perceived me to be, I too, know the pain of being hurt like her, even by people I love and who said they loved me. I can identify with the weights, silent screams, and heartache of carrying pain from: Put downs. Shaming. Guilt. Rejection. Conditional love. Manipulation. Betrayal. Abuse – physical and verbal. And as painful as these things are, I refuse to opt for bitterness, or to go through life not trusting people or being open to love,

Girl meets guy. Girl likes guy and guy likes her too. Girl screws things up (and has done so with almost every likable suitor she’s met) by coming out the gate with walls up, waving her independent “I can take care of myself” flag -- loud and proud, being passive instead of communicating her wants and needs clearly, and being too prideful and too much of a coward to let herself be open and vulnerable enough to allow herself to fall in like/love with someone and vice versa, and know while there’s risk for hurt, it’s okay to try again and again, until she meets someone who’s her equal. Because when she least expects it, she could end up with the right person at just the right time. Only first, she must acknowledge why she’s the common denominator in being boyfriendless, decide to change her ways and patterns that aren’t working, and understand that allowing a guy to be a guy and do things for her and feel needed, won’t strip her of her wholeness or cramp her style, and that while it’s g

Is that your real hair? Can I touch your hair? Are you mixed?(in regards to ethnicity) What are you? (in regards to ethnicity) Do you just date white guys? How can you afford the things/experiences you have? Did you just vote for Obama because he’s black? Why do so many black women have bad attitudes? Why are black women so angry? Why is it okay for black people to say the n-word (nigger) and not okay for other people?  -I can’t make this up. 

I shop sales. I shop at thrift stores. I use coupons. And if I think something’s overpriced, I’ll wait until it goes on sale or simply pass on it. However, sometimes that gets mistaken for being tight with my money or cheap (according to some of my family and friendly associates) when really, I’m aiming to be responsible . I know the value of hard work, and as a twenty-something, I aim to handle money and purchases as wisely as possible. It’s important to be a good steward over what the Lord’s blessed you with, which means not blowing a ton of money on frivolous purchases. Every now and then I’ll treat myself, and if I really want something, I’ll save up for it. But I try not to make a habit of spending money just to spend it, or carelessly spend because I can. That’s irresponsible. There are ways to be frugal without being cheap , and I believe wise spending and saving are smart. If you work hard to make money, why not work hard to maintain it?

I used to be the kind of girl that waited on people, before I decided to experience different things. One day something clicked - If I stayed on that same path, I’d miss out and waste away time I’d never get back, waiting on other people to be ready before I decided to try new things, go on adventures, and enjoy the kind of experiences that have collected dust on my vision board (due to waiting on others.) What. A. Waste. Of. Time. I’m not shy about going solo with certain things like, going to the movies, going out for a great meal, or taking in local sights and entertainment in my city, but there are other things I’ve always wanted to do that I believed required other people to be along for the ride. I started realizing that if you wait on other people, you’ll miss out. Especially when some of the people you’re waiting on, may decide to go on and have those experiences without you. Time stops for no one. It’s constantly moving, and I believe if you want different things