Which
one of your kids do you think will get married first? a family friend
asked my mother. Well, probably our son
because he’s the one that’s in a relationship. My response was simply, well, it’s not a race. When my little
brother announced he was planning to propose to his girlfriend, it caused some tension.
The tension led some people to believe I was jealous. And that was hurtful. However,
I did question myself and go to God like, am
I jealous, Lord? I wasn’t and I’m not. I think when you don’t get excited
about what others get excited about, there’s a problem and people assume you
have an issue, which isn’t always the case. When my brother shared his plans
before hand I told him, congrats, but do
it when you’re ready. He’s doing it and I’ll be a supportive big sister.
My brother and I are two
different people with two very different mindsets. So, we’re going to choose
differently. My parents married young and my brother is following in their
footsteps. However, I’ve always sensed a pull in another direction in my own
life, and figuring out what that looks like has been frustrating and
complicated at times. People tend to judge, criticize, and worry if you deviate
from what’s been done or what everyone else is doing. But I’ve noticed and
received much confirmation that my entire trajectory will be different, and
that’s okay too.
I once told my mother, I don’t know if I’m called for marriage or
kids. If I change my mind and want to have a kid, I can always adopt on my own.
She paused and said, I want you to be
married and I want grandchildren. While that may be her vision for me, those
things don’t necessarily align with the vision I have in mind right now. I
believe much of life is under God’s timing and will, and until I get his
blessing and permission on those things, I won’t force it. I remember going
through a season of dating just to date, because I knew it’d make my mom and
other people happy. I wanted other people’s seal of approval even if it meant
dating guys I didn’t really like. I think people assume you’re sad, lonely, or
perhaps something’s wrong if you’re not pressed about being in a serious
relationship. I maintain that any woman is better off alone than being with the
wrong guy. Being pressured to commit out of fear that others are in
relationships or settling down before you, is a recipe for disaster. Who cares
who gets there first? Relationships and weddings can be fun, but I’ve heard that
marriage is challenging and very hard work. I also believe that if those things
are meant to happen in your life, they’ll happen. It’s just good to know it’s
not a race.