Be prepared to deal with
loneliness. In fact, embrace it. You may discover a new level of confidence you
haven’t tapped into yet – Me
This year I dealt with a lot of
loneliness and feeling especially unwanted. I noticed this around the summer
and instead of embracing it, I grew resentful. What I couldn’t see then that
I’m able to recognize now was that the loneliness and feelings of being
unwanted were necessary.
There were some relationships and
friendships I cultivated during my time in college that weren’t as solid as I
thought. Looking back, a number of them were mainly superficial and lacked
steady foundations to begin with. Although I masked a strong and confident
front that I was unbothered, I was honestly pissed, disappointed and mostly
hurt I didn’t stay connected with a number of people I’d met. And it wasn’t
because I didn’t try. I sent texts, reached out, and even looked at my phone
and social media feed for weeks to months at a time waiting to be reached out to and when that didn’t happen, I
interpreted those connections - done. There was little to no reciprocity and I
had high hopes (probably too high) to remain in touch with some of the people
I’d met. When things fizzled, I got the message.
While working through the
loneliness a lot of my insecurities and some silly and questionable thoughts started
creeping in…
Maybe
they don’t want to hang with me because I’m older than them. It’s lame to be in
your late 20's and chill with people in their early 20's. Right?
Maybe
I’m not good enough.
Maybe
it’s because I’m black.
Maybe
it’s because I’m a Democrat and a little more liberal. (The environment
was mostly Christian, conservative and very Republican dominated. And I wasn’t
drinking the Kool-Aid.)
Maybe
they’re intimidated.
Maybe
they’re insecure.
Maybe
I offend them.
And so on. Ridiculous, I know.
Then I thought, it’s cool when people stay in touch and
remain friends with people they went to college with. I’ve never had that. When
I was working through college and finishing my senior year, there were plenty
of times when I felt unwanted and shunned and there were also some things that
happened I’d rather not go public with. Once people started pulling back and
casual run ins with familiar faces in passing turned into, it’s nice to see you. We should catch up sometime… lacked follow
through, along with my brief and final visit to a place I used to fellowship at
frequently with a lot of those familiar faces, I realized three things:
You must learn how to let people (and
your expectations) of them go.
You must understand that
sometimes, you outgrow people.
You must learn to grow
comfortable in your seasons of aloneness.
I don’t have a ton of close
friends I keep in touch with or vice versa from college. I didn’t graduate with
an MRS degree, ring before spring (popular
expression amongst Christian communities in reference to young college women
eager to get married before college ends)
or even a boyfriend. But I parted with some beneficial life lessons and a
confidence boost. With this year coming to an end I’ve learned to embrace loneliness
as a gift and have unexpectedly soared to new heights. A lot of people try to
fight loneliness when they should embrace it. There will be times and seasons
when God sets you apart for a reason. It’s up to you to get still and explore
why. All will be revealed. In my loneliness, I’ve grown closer to the Lord and
incredible things have been happening to me and all around me. And through the
ups, downs, twists and turns, my life is unfolding exactly as it should and I’m
not salty, bitter, sad, or unhappy. I’m actually doing great. Life is good.