I recently ran into a former
childhood bully. When she spotted me she look liked she’d seen a ghost. When I
saw her, I got a bit tickled and thought, I
was afraid of that girl, once? Why? We said nothing to each other, but, now
that we’re both adults I realize my fear of her wasn’t as serious as I once
thought. Make no mistake, she was a monster, but aside from being a cruel
person, I don’t believe she was capable of causing any physical harm. When we were
kids she was older than me and I really looked up to her. I thought she was so cool
and when she flipped the script on me, I was terrified of her. I remember being
on the school bus crying and shaking. She was so cold that she actually mocked
me, while some of the other kids on the bus did nothing. Eventually, she
stopped speaking to me all together and that was that. Did I mention we both
lived in the same neighborhood back then, too? Our moms talked it out, but it
wasn’t enough to restore anything. My fate had been sealed, and this girl
wanted nothing to do with me.
I was bullied a lot growing up
and while most of the girls that came for me would threaten me with mean words,
and wanted to fight me, my fear was always rooted in, “I don’t want to catch a
beat down.” I can laugh as I write this now, but back then none of this was funny.
I know why I was bullied, too. I was an easy target. I was the quiet girl in
class and I really didn’t fit in, which
prompted others to screw with me for sport. There were also girls that were
just haters. At the time I didn’t see it that way, because I had low
self-esteem, but when I started growing out of what I deemed my ugly duckling
stage, began transforming into a swan, and some guys started to take notice, I
guess it upset other girls who viewed me as competition.
I remember never wanting to get
into a physical fight, so I’d do one of two things: take off running like a
coward or get my parents and our lawyers involved.
My parents would go out to the school, give me a pep talk about taking the high
road, and things would get even worse. Eventually my family decided to move.
New neighborhood, new schools, new environment, which would mean a fresh start,
only I ran into bullying again in high school, further proving that you can
run, but you can’t hide. One of my former bullies from my old middle school even
ended up transferring to my high school. I was frozen with fear. Unfortunately, these
things do happen and facing them head on is better than running away from the
problem. That’s not to say that throwing blows is the answer either, but I’m
old enough to know that people can change. Life changes. Some people grow up and move on. Even bullies that made life a living hell once.