Making Waves

Proverbs 11:22 reads, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” The first time I saw this scripture, I was a preteen at a Christian summer camp. At the time, I had a crush on one of the older teenagers that worked there. For most young girls having a crush is common, so it wasn’t a huge deal…until I ran my mouth out of excitement, revealing this news to almost all the girls in my cabin. When one of my counselors found out, she did something I can now appreciate. She wrote me a letter and towards the end of it, mentioned Proverbs 11:22. My childish mind wasn’t able to process what she was trying to tell me, but as I got older, I got a revelation. Later in life, I would continue to go on making the same mistake; getting excited and showing no discretion, when it came to things I should’ve kept quiet about. Now? I’m really careful. I’ve fallen short many times when it came to sharing things with people I thought were friends, who honestly were bet

As a young woman, I don’t like competing with other women. I think it’s petty. As much as I try to avoid it, it seems inevitable at times. I’m in competition with no one but myself, however, I feel the discomfort and hatred when faced with another woman, who doesn’t try to challenge me in a healthy way (like going for a job, for example) but instead, attempts to one up me in a childish manner to prove a point, because she’s either threatened, or insecure. I don’t like that, and unfortunately I see it all the time. I’ve adopted a mantra that simply goes, if she wins, I win, we all win. As women, especially young women, we’re all in different places and roles in our lives ranging from students, to professionals, mothers, daughters, sisters, spouses, girlfriends, and etc. and celebrating each other vs. competing with one another, or downplaying another’s success, regardless of what stage the other is in, can improve. I’ve been to many weddings, baby showers, and other various events to s

As a young black woman I can testify to the fact that, being black in America can be tough. I don’t have a poor me, life is so hard because I’m black... mindset; I just know what’s happening in the world. I love being black, and all of the dope black girl magic I embody – I’m smart, beautiful, educated, gifted, and talented but I’m also real woke (more woke than a lot of people that might think they me know me well, may realize). I’ve experienced racism and discrimination since I was a kid. Always being the only black girl in class, in the neighborhood, and in many other settings does something to a person. I can recognize the disgusting stench of racism from my childhood, in different workplaces, and even during my time as an undergrad in college. I’m fully aware of the stereotypes and prejudgments that come with being black. When a new president was elected in November 2016, I pretended not to notice how racist, prejudice, and sexist a lot of my social media and real life friends w

“Lord, I know I didn’t wait the best way. I’m sorry. I know I can do better. Show me how…” I said, one evening. Sometimes, waiting for different things can be challenging. During different waiting periods I’ve let my impatience turn into frustration, and would easily give up and think, “This (whatever the “this” happened to be) isn’t going to happen for me…” This kind of poor attitude was usually accompanied with doubt, discouragement, complaints, and disappointment. Shortly after I graduated college, I didn’t realize I was depressed. The signs were there, but I pretended I was fine. Openly, I smiled but behind closed doors, I cried a lot in private, was in and out of long amounts of sleep throughout the day, felt mentally, physically, and emotionally drained, and somehow managed to function by distracting myself with things like busyness, work, reading books, binge watching old shows, listening to music, and hanging out with friends, but not being fully present when I’d hang out wit

Christian dating isn’t like regular dating. It’s a whole different level of navigating twists and turns, that can feel like a strange obstacle course sometimes. During undergrad I met a guy who approached me, and asked what the dating scene was like at my school. He was passing through the area from out of town and curious, I guess. My immediate response was laughter. I told him the same thing a lot of my female peers and I had concluded, “It’s slim pickings around here, and it seems like a lot of people are obsessed with getting married.” He told me about his background attending a Christian school, and how things were similar. He also shared that the guy to girl ratio at his school was outnumbered, with more girls than guys, and that the girls would watch as guys went by, basically calling “dibs” on who would be their husbands. A bit bizarre right? Our chat was interesting, and it made me think about the challenges that can come with dating as a Christian. As a Christian woman, I’ve

I closed my eyes, lifted my hands and cried. I never experienced something so freeing, powerful, beautiful and peaceful, all at once in my entire life. When I finally did, I understood for the very first time, why so many people did it. I’m talking about, worship. John 4:24 reads, “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” I’ve been saved since I was seven years old, have scriptures engraved in my heart and my mind like a bible in human form, but I never knew how to worship. I never got why people would cry, lift their hands, sing, and how they could be so free. To be honest, I found it strange and was terrified to participate. In any church setting I’d ever been in, I always felt like people were watching me, and if they ever saw me be so vulnerable, they’d think something was wrong with me. I thought this until I had a night that changed my life, forever.  In January my Alma mater had a worship night. I had original plans to go with a friend, and when s

Awhile back a friend of mine introduced me to the world of minimalism. She told me to check out a documentary on Netflix titled  Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things and it turned out to be a serious game changer. The geniuses behind minimalism are Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, and their message encourages people to live a meaningful life, while reevaluating all of the material stuff and/or clutter people have in their lives.   It made me reflect on so much about my own life, everything in it, and led me to reassess behaviors I once considered normal . I recently started listening to their podcasts, and they’re just as great and insightful as the documentary. Since being introduced to the world of minimalism, the way I spend my time and my money has changed for the better. I’ve also gotten rid of a lot of stuff that I no longer use and/or need, donated it, and felt as if a ton of unnecessary clutter was cleared from my life. I got rid of old clothes, acc

Doing the things that scare you can be liberating. For me, it all started with a confrontation and suddenly, I was never the same again. Four months ago I stood up to a long time bully. Whenever this person came around, my spirit would drop and I’d get anxious and be filled with anxiety. Clearly, I wasn’t throwing scripture at the situation. 2 Timothy 1:7 reads, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” I used to pray that someone would stand up to her. Little did I know that God’s choice was closer than I realized. I was the David and she was the Goliath. Not only did this person scare me, but I watched as she hurt other people with her intimidation, threats, and cruelness. It seemed unbearable at times, but one day I decided, enough is enough . I made a choice and did something about it. Things escalated so quickly that before I realized we were face to face, everything else around me, including the people and surroundings

Parents who vicariously try to live through their children are scary. I see it all the time, and I wonder how many other people recognize it too. It can be damaging trying to live up to what others have in mind vs. what your God-given purpose may be. I believe that every person on this earth is born with an individual and specific purpose, and I also believe that a lot of people let parental expectations or what’s always been done in their families, dictate the course of their lives. It’s like seeing a live puppet show, and it’s disturbing. I’ve watched people pick colleges, choose spouses, take careers, have kids, and make a bunch of other decisions based on what they’ve seen. I think it’s important that parents and children are careful with this. I question if doing what your parents have done is the best route to take? I ask myself the same question from time to time, and while I have chill parents, I definitely see some generational patterns I intend to change and end entirely. Di

In the July issue of Cosmopolitan magazine I came across an article titled: Ambition or Love: Do You Have to Choose? I was alarmed at some of my findings, as well as some of the harsh realities of being an ambitious woman. There are many men that claim they like dating a woman in charge, until they actually do. Jenna Birch writes, “The Fallout: some women are downplaying their career goals to bag a bae. Not okay!” As I read through the article I was floored. I found some of the stories that different ambitious women shared to be funny and insightful, yet a bit discouraging. There are women working hard to have careers of their own, many of whom are intelligent, beautiful, driven, and making serious bank but desiring, love. That’s understandable, but turning down ambitions to snag and/or keep a guy is awful. I like to believe that it’s possible to obtain both ambition and love, but it depends on the situation. I believe there are men that can celebrate women who are incredibly successf

I read an incredible book a little while ago titled  I Am Number 8 – Overlooked and Undervalued but Not Forgotten by God by John W. Gray III. As I read it, I resonated deeply with the message and encouraging words it offered, and it helped me in areas I’ve been struggling with all my life. I discovered that I’m a number 8. (This will make more sense if you read the book). Since I was a kid, I had issues with feeling overlooked and fitting in. I never felt like I fit in my own family, or even with my friends. I tried hard to find exactly where I fit, weaving in and out of different cliques, with failed attempts at pretending to be someone I wasn’t, and not really measuring up. As I got older I realized that I was never meant to fit . Specifically, not meant to fit in anyone else’s “boxes”, and being overlooked was something normal to me. There were brief moments where I felt I was close to blending in, but it wouldn’t last long. I believe God meant for things to be that way for me fo

I have ghosts. Seriously. Not the kind of ghoulish, creep into the house in the middle of the night kind, either. The kind of ghosts I have come in the form of people I used to know, former opportunities, and sometimes a guy I’ve had a brief but memorable encounter with. They usually come back into my life during times of transition, and it feels like the strangest thing ever, especially when there’s been little to no contact in a time span, ranging from months to years of not speaking or being in touch. When a certain amount of time goes by where I don’t hear from someone, or if things ended on a sour note between us, I usually utilize the delete contact button on my phone and/or unfriend button on social media. I see no need to continue keeping in contact, if we’re not keeping in touch. Otherwise, it just seems like unnecessary space is taken up. Totally kidding…or am I? Anyways, since I don’t have the number to a local Ghostbusters service (see what I did there? Lol) I’ve learned t

In the middle of the spring I began exploring the world of affirmations. Affirmations can be tools to encourage positive thinking. I started writing my own affirmations on Post-it notes, put them in a mini bucket, and each day I’d grab one, read it to myself, and meditate on the positive thought throughout the entire day. Each of my affirmations started off with, “I believe…” followed by something positive I’d like to believe about myself. I can remember some of the ones I came up with, like… “I believe I’m beautiful inside and out.” “I believe I’m a millionaire. The funds just haven’t hit my account yet.” “I believe in breaking the cycle of repeated mistakes.” “I believe in following my dreams.” “I believe in saying “no” without an explanation.” As I applied these affirmations, I started to notice the difference in my mindset and my spirit. It’s amazing how speaking positive things over yourself can make such an impact. There are enough negative words being s

I used to think that guys and girls couldn’t be friends. It was a limiting belief I held for a long time, until I gained more guy friends, and a new perspective on what it means to be, just friends. I’ve had guy friends who fell in different categories. There were some who were like family (brother types), some who were casual friends that I explored dating, but remained friends with, once we agreed we were better off as friends, and some who caught feelings, that I had to part ways with, when just being friends was tough – some of them moved on to be with great women, so there were no hard feelings. I’ve learned that while guys and girls can be friends, there are times when there may be an attraction, lingering feelings, or even a relationship, however, there are some friendships that will remain as they are, just friendships. If one friend doesn’t share the same affection for the other, or someone gets put in the friend zone, things can get complicated. I’ve found myself in some of

I think people don’t know how to take you when you cut ties with them. It can be complicated, but necessary. I’ve broken up with people and things that aren’t good for me. I’m not bitter, angry, unforgiving or resentful, I’m just done. I used to wrestle with feelings of guilt about this, until I realized that the spirit behind the guilt wasn’t something I should be carrying. The weight of guilt is heavy, and when I encounter anyone who’s operating from a spirit of abuse, manipulation, or control, I can immediately identify the guilt that tries to rise in me, and promptly rebuke it. People don’t like when they can’t control or manipulate you, anymore. Guilt has come at me from all kinds of people: family, former friends, and even some acquaintances, and I don’t like it. People will try to make you feel guilty for making changes, having a dream, not doing what they want you to do, and for choosing to establish boundaries (which are necessary and healthy in relationships). When I sense s

I recently read Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey, and it heavily impacted my views on the state of Christianity, women, and women in ministry. I’ve been saved since I was seven, and I grew up watching women speak in the church. Seeing women leaders was normal to me, so it was mind blowing to discover that a heavy number of men and women, were against the idea of women in ministry. When I read different things on social media and different blogs, I was alarmed and couldn’t believe some of the things I saw. Sadly, I’m used to dealing with sexist men of the world, but dealing with sexist men who are supposed to be Christians is painful, and the Christian women that share the same views as these kinds of men are scary, because whether they realize it or not, they’re a part of a problem that ultimately sets all of us women in the church back. When I read Jesus Feminist I laughed, cried, and was enlightened about Jesus, the power of being a woman, and the need for more women in ministry. Sa

I never knew that success wouldn’t actually feel like success. Truthfully, it tastes bittersweet. I underestimated the costs that came with trying to work towards a better life. I believe that people are cool with you, as long as they don’t perceive that you’re doing better than them. I don’t like that. I don’t measure success the same way the world does, but I know the higher I rise, the more I have to adjust through the transitions of closed doors, open doors, opportunities, opposition, and the constant cutting away of people and things that aren’t good for me. Sometimes, I’ve prayed for things not realizing how my opportunities to be successful would trigger things in some people I know, in unpleasant ways. Things like, constant criticism, discouragement, jealousy, and failed attempts to sabotage me have become too familiar. I haven’t been able to dodge all the blows, but I think it’s good to know who and where they come from, so I’m able to act accordingly. I’ve also had things l

A little while ago, I had a dream I was standing over my own dead body. I could see myself laid out and in the background, I saw different people I used to be acquainted with, and environments I used to frequent. I looked peaceful and after I saw myself, I walked away. When I woke up from this dream, I wondered, “What does this all mean?” I did a little research and found out this kind of dream symbolizes moving forward. It’s a representation of ending one chapter of life, and starting another -- which makes sense considering I graduated from college about a month ago. Since schools been done, I’ve found myself in a new and uncertain season of transition, a season that at the beginning stages, freaked me out as none of my plans came together like I thought, however, things have actually gotten better. In the early to middle stages of this transition, I went on a fast and I wasn’t prepared for the level of clarity, direction, and breakthroughs that God had for me on the other side. I’m

Great teachers deserve the world. They really do. I’ve been able to recognize two types of teachers: The ones who are in their profession for a paycheck, and don’t have the heart for their career, and then there are the ones who love what they do and go beyond their job description. I had some great and not-so-great teachers growing up, but the ones who were disappointing didn’t overshadow the ones that taught me unforgettable lessons, both inside and outside the classroom. Great teachers are the real MVPs. Especially the ones that are built for that particular calling. I have a lot of causal friends who are teachers. I can tell that they love what they do, and take the position seriously. My senior year of high school I entertained the idea of becoming a teacher myself. I even took a teaching course that gave an inside look into what the world of teaching would be like, but, I ultimately choose to take the path of writing. I have no desire to be a teacher, but what’s crazy, is that i

I’ve been single for a very long time. Long enough to know and experience the sting of being single-shamed. Single-shaming is when someone puts a single person down or criticizes them for being single, and it’s usually followed by unsolicited advice, and concerns from people that think they know the single person well or believe they know what’s best for them, because apparently if someone’s single, they must be sad and lonely, right? Wrong. I find single-shaming insulting, annoying, and unproductive, and the main culprits behind this blatant act of disrespect? Couples and/or married folks. A few years ago, I found myself getting weary and sad in my singleness. I even got physically ill after someone said something to me that triggered fear, leading me to believe I’d never meet someone, and even bigger blows started coming at me in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I’m in a better place now, and learning to be content but not complacent with singleness. I’m living a full life of my own and