Making Waves

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space.  I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

In the 2017 horror film Get Out , there’s an unforgettable scene when one of the film’s villainous characters, Rose, a young white woman, is seen eating Fruit Loops and drinking a bottle of milk through a straw as she searches the internet for “Top NCAA prospects.” This moment in the film is frightening because the purpose of Rose’s search is to ultimately lure young and unsuspecting Black men to a deadly fate after she begins dating them. If you’ve seen the film, you know how everything ultimately turns out, but if you haven’t, you’ll have a better understanding of the bigger picture.  Recently, college football superstar and future NFL prospect, Travis Hunter, became a source of media scrutiny and controversy regarding his relationship with his fiancée, Leanna Lenee. Much of the criticism was around his fiancée and comments she shared about how she wasn’t initially interested in Travis before they started dating. Additionally, she received backlash regarding the couple’s interact...

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22:6  As this current school year is winding down and the pace of things have eased, I’ve had some much-needed quiet time to be still and reflect on my third year as an English educator. And if I could describe this recent school year in one word, that word would be challenging . I’ve often heard that the first year of teaching is the most stressful, and to my surprise, that wasn’t the case for me at all – even when I happened to be juggling grad school and teaching full time my first year. I also have the distinction of working in a Title 1 middle school which primarily consists of working with a demographic of students who are often struggling learners and come from low-income households.  Before accepting the position to teach, I was warned of the challenges that can come with working in a Title 1 middle school with students who don’t have stable (or always safe...

It was the middle of August 2022, and after I began removing yet another gorgeous crotchet protective style I’d worn a few months prior, I noticed that there was some hair thinning at the crown of my head. Initially, I wasn’t too concerned, especially since I could style my very full head of natural hair in a way that could conceal the thinning. Since going natural (dating back to October 2014), I’ve typically always allowed my hair to “breathe” between different styles to maintain and preserve my hair health and growth.   Shortly after the end of the summer, and after allowing my hair to breathe for a few weeks, I got my hair styled with sew-in extensions for my best friend’s upcoming wedding. I was the only Black bridesmaid in the crew and didn’t want another stylist touching my real hair, so I figured extensions would be the best route since I’d had them before. And as always, they looked great! However, when I got them removed and had my natural hair blown out in November,...

Full disclosure: I don't have a ton of Black girlfriends. Most of my close girlfriends are white. For a long time, this observation was a source of shame and embarrassment to me. Because, as a Black woman, naturally, I should have a close circle of ride-or-die Black girlfriends, right?  Or perhaps not.  This was not something I mapped out or planned for myself. However, after many failed attempts with trying to initiate and facilitate friendships with other Black women (and hopelessly and embarrassingly) failing and being shunned in the process, I’ve accepted my status as the often-sole Black friend within my friend groups. I love my friends and they love me exactly as I am. We respect one another, listen to each other, and show up for each other too. And though some outsiders may view me as “that one Black girl” within my circle of friends, I’ve accepted that there are some Black women who are disinterested in connecting with other Black women because of their own insecuritie...

Before I dive into this, let me just say that I think Issa Rae is a creative   genius . Really. She’s like the BFF I’ve always wanted but never had. Before watching her series  Insecure , I’d read her book titled   The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl   and thought it was brilliant. At one point, I ended up in tears from laughing while reading about her insights on life. I never kept up with   Insecu r e  past the first season when it originally aired, but I can remember laughing so hard at the first episode that my sides started hurting. I love how the show has a comedic approach and brings viewers into the reality of what life is like for many Black women moving through the complexities of work life, adult friendships, finding love, and everything else in between. It’s entertaining stuff.     Recently, I had the chance to catch up on every season (I just learned that the fifth and final season will be airing this fall), and as I watched each ...

It was a little after 10 pm and my friend and I were leaving a concert.   As I pulled out of the concert venue and drove in the direction that one of the parking lot staffers directed me to go towards, another staffer shouted out at me to stop. So when I saw a row of cones in the direction I was motioned to go, I stopped, turned my car around, and proceeded to head towards where I thought another exit was.   Before I could find a way out, an older white male officer approached the vehicle.    “What are you doing?” he asked me in a hostile tone.    “I’m just trying to leave,” I replied. “I went the way the dude up front told me to go and then somebody shouted for me to stop, so I turned around when I saw the cones. I didn’t see a way out past the cones.”   In an even more demeaning tone, he responded, “What do you mean you can’t see? All you have to do is go straight and take a left.” (Keep in mind that cones were blocking the direction he was referring...

I’ll never forget the day when a former colleague and I connected over a shared experience that we both tried to dissect and understand as Black women. Our experience revolved around trying to thrive and survive as Black professionals who have had to endure shade and far too many microaggressions ( is that your real hair, you should straighten your hair, I don’t see color, do you live in a house, how can you afford that house/car/designer dress, like, oh my gosh, you’re so smart, you’re not like other Black people … just to point out a handful.) Please, feel free to take your pick – they’ve all come from prejudice and sometimes oblivious non-Black people who have felt threatened and intimidated by us. We also unpacked the same treatment we’ve received from those within our race, who have felt equally if not more threatened and intimidated and have made stupid jokes and assumptions about who they t hink   we are as opposed to who we really are. This kind of stuff might sound crazy, ...

Confession: I’m a Black woman who doesn’t like the n-word. Whenever anyone else who’s Black uses it in front of me or around me, I cringe a little inside. Especially if and when there are non-Black people in the room. The word and its use have been a source of controversy for a while, yet many within the Black community are perfectly fine using it as openly and proudly as they please. Within the Black community, the word is sometimes used as an initial greeting or term of endearment when interacting with others who are also Black. The unspoken rule within the Black community is that it’s okay for   us  to say and use it amongst one another, but not okay for other races to say or use it.   An even bigger issue comes into play when people outside the Black community feel as if they can say it if we can, and that if the n-word is used in the media by rap/hip-hop artists, popular Black comedians, in films and television, or anywhere else, then what’s the big deal? The big dea...

There’s great comfort in knowing that you’re not alone, no matter what it is you might be going through. It kind of goes without saying, but 2020 was rough. There was a global pandemic (that’s still occurring), school closings that led to virtual learning, a major Black Lives Matter movement, the unexpected deaths of loved ones and some of our world’s most iconic figures, a hostile election season, and much more that impacted all our lives. So if your mental health feels a bit tense, it’s understandable.   Last year I got better about making my mental health a priority, starting with more self-care. I poured myself into prayer, fasting, meditating on God’s word, writing, resting, exercising outdoors, and adding the  Therapy for Black Girls  podcast to my playlist. And I must admit, the podcast is a game changer I wish I’d known about sooner. Dr. Joy Harden Bradford’s work is incredible. She’s a licensed psychologist and the host of the podcast, and the safe and open space...

I never imagined that the Black Lives Matter movement would have the impact it’s had this year. I’ve always known how important the movement was, but after the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd? Even more people got woke. And fast. Many different races stood up this year. There were riots and protests and demands for justice, and the overwhelming amounts of love and support were inspiring and revolutionary. This past summer, different people and communities were coming together and were a united front. Sadly, at the same time, there were others who remained silent as others spoke and stood up.   And that was disappointing.   It was especially upsetting and painful seeing nasty, insensitive, and hurtful comments on the internet and in the press from different people who felt as if the emotions and responses stemming from communities all over the world were unwarranted and not okay. Seeing different people who have kids of their own be so dismissive is so...

Sometimes politics can bring out the worst in people. Just downright mean, ugly, nasty, shocking stuff.    The increase of hatefulness stemming from the past presidential elections has been unbelievable. Watching people take sides, stop talking to each other, and experiencing relationships fall apart in churches, workplaces, and different communities has been disheartening and eye opening. For a long time, I was naïve when it came to the ways of the world regarding voting and supporting a particular group. I never had a major issue with someone being  conservative, liberal, nonpartisan, or those who could care less, because I didn’t feel threatened by anyone who had an opinion or belief system that differed from my own. I’ve learned that a huge part of maturity is being able to coexist with others you may not relate to personally and to still respect them when they have different views from yours. Even if and when you don’t understand them.    When the Obamas we...

As you embark on your career, I want you to know some things and stay woke about what you’ll be up against. Please understand that no matter what, you have value, and you matter. Always remember that. As progressive as this world and different workplaces may seem, every workplace has a culture. You’ll be in different places where a lot of people who don’t look like you will be in the room. But know that you belong in those rooms too. Spend some time observing and studying those spaces and learn as much as you can. There will be people you work with who will make presumptions about your competence, education, and ability to fulfill your job duties. There will be more who will think less of you because of the color of your skin and try to disqualify you the moment you make an error, mistake, or ask questions about things you may not understand. This will all feel uncomfortable and you may get insecure, feel like you’re all by yourself, and think you don’t belong there, but ride it out...

I met a guy who asked me about my hair. He asked about my ethnicity too. Before we talked, he was going through some of my photos and thought I was biracial because of my Brazilian body wave hair. (Hair that I paid for and had professionally put into my own.)  I told him the truth. “I’m black, like,  fully  black. And that’s not all my hair. I’m glad we talked about this early.” And he didn’t freak out or ask a ton of odd questions or express disinterest. Which was a relief, since he was black too. There are a lot of black men who either don’t like or make jokes about black women who experiment with extensions, weaves, wigs, or more, so his question opened the door for us both to have an open dialogue about my hair.  When hair salons were ordered to close due to COVID-19?  My social media feed lit up, and a lot of people were flipping out.  Especially a lot of black women. I was able to see my stylist and have my sew-in taken out ...

I don’t have a lot of black girlfriends. I never have. And it’s not because I haven’t wanted them. I have. I’ve tried, hit and miss, and facilitated some casual connections, but not without weathering some complications and misunderstandings. If you follow my work, you may have read a piece I wrote for Thought Catalog, titled,  I Need More Black Friends,  which highlights some of my plights, but something that’s recently been weighing on me is the disconnect amongst different groups of black women. I’ve repeatedly run into other black women, in the workplace, in public settings, and even at family events, who’ve often thrown some direct and indirect shade my way, and in the direction of other women, they don’t know much about, greeting them with nasty attitudes, exclusion, aggression, jealousy, and hatred. I’ve personally had other black women, who barely know me, make snap judgments about who they  th ink I am as opposed to who I really am. The division amongst some i...