Making Waves

The current state of this world often feels uneasy . The political climate, hatred, violence, constant tension, natural disasters, and uncertainty have been the source of much anxiety, stress, and sadness in ways many of us didn’t anticipate while approaching this year. I’m not someone who typically struggles with anxiety, but at different points this year, I’ve found myself more triggered than usual by some decisions being made at different leadership levels, devastating changes, and unexpected hiccups and losses that have caused more disruption and discord than ever before. If I’ve been feeling this way, I wonder how others are navigating things too. How are you doing right now? Are you okay? If not, it’s okay. A lot is going on that’s prompted more questions than answers, and I would encourage you to sit with how you’re feeling and do regular check-ins with yourself. There’s no harm in confiding in a trusted family member or friend, seeking professional help, picking up some self-he...

Working in education is a rewarding experience.  I get to teach my favorite content area (English), invest in the lives of young people, and work in a space where I feel free to be me. It’s also been great working with wonderful educators, some of whom I’ve developed trusted friendships with, who’ve approached the workplace with professionalism, positivity, and a great work ethic and attitude. But the same can’t be said of all educators. There have been some I’ve met and immediately knew to stay far away from. Negative energy, mean girl vibes, pettiness, messiness, and drama can easily be detected when you pay close attention. People are always communicating messages to us about who they truly are. In education, the students aren’t always the biggest challenge. Often, it’s the educators who behave like some of the students we teach. It’s disturbing witnessing educators, often grown women, forming alliances and friendships with other educators who shouldn’t be trusted. They create...

Today’s current dating climate is bizarre. It’s grown so bizarre, that men barely, if ever in some cases, will approach a woman in person and ask her out on a date. Instead, the new normal has become DM sliding, creeping on social media accounts, and liking photos to build romantic connections, which honestly doesn’t sound too romantic or appealing to me at all. As a child of the 90s and a teenager of the early 2000s, I miss and prefer the time when men interacted with women without hiding behind technology. There was something special about handwritten cards and notes, thoughtful dates, serendipity, and intentionality. After having some unpleasant encounters, embarrassing moments, and failed set ups (from well meaning people who believe I need to be partnered), I’ve decided, that now, at 36, to choose me. I’m ditching dating and decentering men. I’m no longer interested in meeting anyone, dating, or creating space to prioritize a relationship. I’ve never been a male-centered woman any...

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space.  I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

I don’t wait for special occasions to do nice things for myself. I consistently find ways to romanticize my life on a regular basis. Whether it’s a candlelit evening, creating a floral arrangement, savoring a great glass of wine, taking my time with my skincare routine, or enjoying a quiet dinner on my deck, I make sure to honor myself and prioritize my well-being. A romanticized lifestyle is attainable and a great self-care practice. The best part is that you can choose to romanticize your life in ways that work best for you. If you’re not sure where to start, think about things you enjoy doing that make you feel good, and go from there. Be very good to yourself. Make yourself a priority this year and have fun with it. Happy New Year and happy romanticizing!

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

I’m convinced that many people don’t think before they speak. Especially when it comes to interacting with people who don’t have children. Normally, I’ve held my peace with this and felt the need to solely address women when it comes to this topic, but lately this is a message that men can benefit from too. Stop saying stupid stuff to people who don’t have children . I know this might be a difficult task for those of you who are nosey, have concerns that have nothing to do with you, or may be unhappy in your own life, but stop with the questions, jokes, and reckless comments. Even if you believe you’re being funny, making conversation, or coming from a genuine place, you’re honestly out of line. Because someone not having children and why is none of your business. I don’t have children, and I honestly don’t know if I will, but as a woman, I’m good with my life either way. I’ll always be grateful for what I have instead of lamenting about what I don’t. Which is probably why getting olde...

One morning, I was approached by two of my brightest work teenagers who wanted my help passing a letter on to a peer one of them had a crush on. These girls were friends filled with joy, anxiousness, and eagerness about this letter making it to the intended recipient. First, can we celebrate the fact that letter writing is still happening? I love that it’s not an extinct practice. As I took in the details shared with me, I thought it was an adorable move, and I couldn’t help but notice how much these girls reminded me of myself when I was navigating my first crushes at their age: excited, awkward, and nervous. Even when my attempts to reach out were almost always unrequited. My work teenager with the crush was on her second letter to a boy who hadn’t responded to the first one she wrote. She’s a bright, beautiful, and kind young woman with a heart of gold, and as much as I was rooting for her, I also felt bad for her. Because as amazing as she is, the guy she likes isn’t interested... ...

I believe that every woman should have a lingerie drawer. This special drawer should be filled with a variety of personal favorites that make you feel incredible about yourself when you look in the mirror. In my experience, lingerie is a great expression of self-care, especially when it comes to building confidence. I know that lingerie is often associated with how it can make one’s partner feel, but I don’t believe lingerie is just about the male gaze. I believe it’s more so about how it can make a woman feel who chooses to wear it.  As a Christian woman, I struggled (for years) with a lot of shame about my body, expressing my sexuality, and exploring it. I had a lot of unlearning to work through because of some of the controlling and shame-based teachings I was taught in different church communities. During my freshman year of college, I purchased my first thong, and when I came home on spring break, I felt like this was some dirty secret I needed to hide. When my mother did my l...

How many more Black women do we have to lose before people wake up and truly start paying  close  attention? When I initially learned of the suicide of Dr. Antoinette Candia-Bailey, a former professor and vice president of student affairs at Lincoln University of Missouri, I was saddened but not shocked. Though her death has spotlighted and sparked some harsh realities and much-needed conversations surrounding the mistreatment of Black women in academia, as a Black woman myself and former employee who previously worked in higher education, I can resonate with her experiences and much of what she was likely going through during her time as an employee, and especially, as a Black woman. When I was an academic advisor working in higher education, I experienced incredible amounts of racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying. My time as an employee lasted about three years and by the time I resigned, I felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my broken spirit. B...

In six years, I’ll be 40. I was recently reminded of this after visiting my PCP (primary care physician) for my annual physical. I was informed that I was healthy and taking good care of myself and was reminded of important areas to focus on while nearing my mid-30s and eventually approaching my 40s. I left my appointment feeling fine and content. Then later, I began thinking about aging and different women I know already in their mid-30s (and some who are right at 40) who are disappointed about getting older and others who are bitter about the current state of their lives. These different women I know, who I think are some of the most brilliant, beautiful, and intelligent women I’ve ever met, are successful in individual ways but have expressed how lonely, frustrated, and upset they’ve been about not ending up with men they thought they were going to settle down with, having to forfeit on having children because of factors like age, health risks, or fertility challenges, and being rep...

It was a routine afternoon following lunch.   I was walking down the hall with my students after picking them up from the cafeteria when a young Black female student turned around, stared me down aggressively, and continued staring directly at me as I approached my classroom door.   “Is there a problem?” I asked.   “There can be one.” She nastily replied.   One student who was nearby told her, “You know that’s a teacher, right?”   “I know,” replied the student who stared me down. There was no care or remorse in her eyes, body language, or tone.    “Watch yourself,” I replied as she walked away and went to her class.   The exchange was incredibly disrespectful, and because of how the student responded, I spoke with a seasoned teacher about whether I should report the incident. He shared that situations like the one that occurred could escalate, so I decided to report it. I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be, as the safety of teachers working in ...

As we approach the end of another year, I’ve taken some time to reflect on what this year has been like, areas I want to grow in and improve upon, and different things I both want and need to change while preparing for the year to come. And one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned while reflecting on this year is that you can’t help people who don’t listen.  Throughout my life, I’ve often found myself as the “go to” person for advice, wisdom, and guidance regarding different decisions in the lives of different family members, friends, significant others, colleagues, and sometimes even acquaintances. While it’s been flattering to be a source of help, it’s equally been frustrating when I’m asked for advice (that’s typically not followed… until things go up in smoke) after those who approached me for advice in the first place, have already made a decision that completely goes against the wisdom that was shared with them to avoid a messy, chaotic, and sometimes heartbreaking, outcome. ...

Recently, after attending two back-to-back weekends of baby showers, I was asked questions about having a child of my own and was also within earshot of different conversations happening at the showers I attended. The first shower was not unlike any other baby shower I’d been to before – there were pretty decorations, a well-prepared food spread of small bites and baked treats, a mountain of gifts, and a normal number of guests consisting of family and friends of the new parents to be, one of whom was my cousin. Oh, and there were games too. I’ve found that the go-to game for most showers has been trying to guess the size of the new mom’s baby bump (typically by measuring with ribbon or toilet paper). As the first shower continued, I ended up at a table with my grandmother and great-aunt. They’d asked me about how my career was going and then I was asked, “Do you think you’d ever take a break from your career to have a child?” I paused before responding and replied, “You know, I enjoy ...

It was the middle of August 2022, and after I began removing yet another gorgeous crotchet protective style I’d worn a few months prior, I noticed that there was some hair thinning at the crown of my head. Initially, I wasn’t too concerned, especially since I could style my very full head of natural hair in a way that could conceal the thinning. Since going natural (dating back to October 2014), I’ve typically always allowed my hair to “breathe” between different styles to maintain and preserve my hair health and growth.   Shortly after the end of the summer, and after allowing my hair to breathe for a few weeks, I got my hair styled with sew-in extensions for my best friend’s upcoming wedding. I was the only Black bridesmaid in the crew and didn’t want another stylist touching my real hair, so I figured extensions would be the best route since I’d had them before. And as always, they looked great! However, when I got them removed and had my natural hair blown out in November,...

As an English teacher, a core belief I’ve held close since the beginning of my career has been the importance of relationship building. I believe that if great relationships between teachers, students, and parents are established at the beginning of the school year, everything else will fall into place. Authentically modeling, practicing, and establishing mutually respectful and professional relationships within my classroom has been the bridge for effective communication, solid classroom management, and creating a safe and effective learning environment that fits each of my student’s needs.  And though I’ve seen and experienced the benefits of great relationship building, unfortunately, there have been times when some students and parents have not been receptive or interested in my efforts to establish connections that would best serve all parties involved. I’ve also noticed and shared spaces with other educators, school counselors, and administrators who’ve experienced the same....

Whenever I find myself moving through a challenging season, I prefer to be left alone. I often buckle down, throw myself completely into my work, pray (a lot), check in with my family and friends (so they know I’m alive), and then I proceed to keep grinding. And when I have quiet moments to myself, I sit, think, and reflect on where I’m at and try to process and understand everything that’s been happening in my life.  Last month, I served as a bridesmaid at a close friend’s wedding. It was a special and busy time leading up to my friend’s big day, and one that was filled with a lot of planning, laughter, memorable moments, manageable stress, beautiful people, and plenty of happy tears. It was a privilege to support and stand alongside my dear friend as she made her way down the wedding aisle to say, “I do.” And while the energy from the day was exciting, I found myself privately carrying another wave of emotions that would later proceed to disrupt things in a way I hadn’t fully ant...