Wait Your Turn

“Lord, I know I didn’t wait the best way. I’m sorry. I know I can do better. Show me how…” I said, one evening. Sometimes, waiting for different things can be challenging. During different waiting periods I’ve let my impatience turn into frustration, and would easily give up and think, “This (whatever the “this” happened to be) isn’t going to happen for me…” This kind of poor attitude was usually accompanied with doubt, discouragement, complaints, and disappointment. Shortly after I graduated college, I didn’t realize I was depressed. The signs were there, but I pretended I was fine. Openly, I smiled but behind closed doors, I cried a lot in private, was in and out of long amounts of sleep throughout the day, felt mentally, physically, and emotionally drained, and somehow managed to function by distracting myself with things like busyness, work, reading books, binge watching old shows, listening to music, and hanging out with friends, but not being fully present when I’d hang out with them. I was also going on job interviews (as the job I thought I landed before graduation fell through), and when I either didn’t hear anything back or was told, “Thanks but no thanks” my spirit really felt down, and worst of all, I stopped writing. Writing is my thing, so this definitely wasn’t good. I went back to God because everything I did wasn’t working. I knew I owed him an apology. I’d been going so hard for everything I wanted, that I was being impatient and waiting, incorrectly. When God makes you wait, it’s with good reason, and often requires going through process. Waiting on God and with God is a time to work on things He may be trying to cultivate in you, and your obedience with this can make a difference. After I said the prayer above, things started happening I would’ve never anticipated. I pulled away more from the things I’d been distracting myself with, and spent more time in my word. I started writing again, and found a platform where I’m able to tell the kinds of stories I want to tell, I also started getting phone calls and e-mails for different career opportunities, a number of which sought me out, and day by day I noticed how my faith increased. Honestly, it had to. I wanted to show God that I trusted Him, and that I could be trusted, and I know this would require some major changes; changes that would and still do, take time. As I made some changes, I watched as things began coming together in a way they hadn’t before. God already had things lined up for me; He was just trying to get my patience right. I had to wait my turn. As more things started coming together, I also realized that I haven’t been out of school for that long, but my rush to “arrive” to where I’d been trying to go, brought unnecessary stress I put on myself. I didn’t get it until now, but there’s so much beauty in waiting. I’m discovering that waiting, can make you more patient. It can also help you not rush into things too soon, can give you clarity, and position you for God’s best. Now that it is my turn, I feel like I’ve had time to work on things that needed to change, and I still do this daily. I’m adjusting and walking in what God’s doing, and I feel like I’m just getting warmed up. The process of working through things hasn’t been easy, but it feels good to be getting some wins.