Choosing Between Ambition or Love

In the July issue of Cosmopolitan magazine I came across an article titled: Ambition or Love: Do You Have to Choose? I was alarmed at some of my findings, as well as some of the harsh realities of being an ambitious woman. There are many men that claim they like dating a woman in charge, until they actually do. Jenna Birch writes, “The Fallout: some women are downplaying their career goals to bag a bae. Not okay!” As I read through the article I was floored. I found some of the stories that different ambitious women shared to be funny and insightful, yet a bit discouraging. There are women working hard to have careers of their own, many of whom are intelligent, beautiful, driven, and making serious bank but desiring, love. That’s understandable, but turning down ambitions to snag and/or keep a guy is awful. I like to believe that it’s possible to obtain both ambition and love, but it depends on the situation. I believe there are men that can celebrate women who are incredibly successful and some who can’t handle it. Some of the guys that commented on the article shared that they like smart, beautiful, and successful women, but find them intimidating, which translates to me as a guy simply being, insecure. I’m just beginning to ease into the career world, and I’ve seen this. I believe society has evolved past what it means to be a traditional woman, even though some men and women still seem to be stuck in the 50’s. It’s time to get woke. The reality that some men may face, is that they may end up with a woman that makes more money than them, is in a higher position, and unapologetic about it. I feel like a real man would support that, and not let his ego be bruised by it. If I had to choose between ambition or love, I’d take ambition. Naturally, I’m filled with love but love doesn’t pay the way a stable career does. I like stability and it’s important for me to have a life of my own, and to flourish to the fullest of my potential. I can’t see myself giving that up for a guy, and why should I? I think the bigger question beyond choosing between ambition or love, is can you be with someone and have both? It’s good food for thought.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves