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Just Friends

I used to think that guys and girls couldn’t be friends. It was a limiting belief I held for a long time, until I gained more guy friends, and a new perspective on what it means to be, just friends. I’ve had guy friends who fell in different categories. There were some who were like family (brother types), some who were casual friends that I explored dating, but remained friends with, once we agreed we were better off as friends, and some who caught feelings, that I had to part ways with, when just being friends was tough – some of them moved on to be with great women, so there were no hard feelings. I’ve learned that while guys and girls can be friends, there are times when there may be an attraction, lingering feelings, or even a relationship, however, there are some friendships that will remain as they are, just friendships. If one friend doesn’t share the same affection for the other, or someone gets put in the friend zone, things can get complicated. I’ve found myself in some of these situations, and I’ve learned a handful of things. Such as, being open, honest, respectful, and hopefully being able to remain friends. Every situation’s been different and I’m no expert on all this; I’m merely writing from my female perspective, so here goes…

Be Open – I’ve seen people end up together that started off as friends, with no original interest in each other but somehow, ended up together. I used to think it was strange, but friends are people you usually feel comfortable with, so I guess it makes sense. If both parties are comfortable together, and make each other happy, why not be open? Sometimes, we women overlook great guys that have been our friends, and don’t realize how much of a catch he is, until he’s moved on with someone else, because we were too scared to be open to it. Being open can’t hurt.

Be Honest – If you’re friends with someone of the opposite sex and find out they’re into you, but you don’t share the same feelings, let them know ASAP so there’s no confusion, leading on, or misunderstandings. I once had a friend show interest beyond friendship, and it made things awkward. I was hoping he was just having a moment that would fade. His affections definitely didn’t fade, so I had to have a talk with him and said, “I’m flattered and I think you’re great, but I think it’d be best if we stayed friends.” He took it well, and let me know he just wanted to tell me how he felt. I appreciated his honesty but more importantly, I wanted to be upfront.

Be Respectful – There are two parts to this. With part one, I think it’s great when a guy and girl can be friends, but if you know that your friend is spoken for, be respectful. I used to have a rule that no guy I was with could have female friends. I soon realized how unrealistic and unfair that was, and loosened up, but I’m still cautious. I’ve had guy friends who cut ties with me, because their girlfriends weren’t comfortable with us being friends, and while I was initially upset, I get it and can respect that. Part two is, if your friend doesn’t show interest after you’ve shared your feelings, respect that too. I had to end different friendships with guys I used to be friends with because, things would get inappropriate when I turned them down. I no longer felt comfortable around them, because they disrespected my boundaries. Same goes for ladies. If he’s not interested in you beyond a friendship, honor that. Your feelings may be hurt for a bit (as it seems to be something that comes along with rejection) but respect is very important, so act accordingly.

Be Friends – If you started as friends, you can still end as friends. Some friendships can survive friend zoning, a lack of mutual feelings caught, and plenty of awkwardness, if you can get past the complicated stuff. Another thing that helps, is asking God to show you how to be a friend in the situation, no matter which direction things go. Truthfully, it’s easy to fall for someone you’re comfortable with, and share common interests and qualities with. If a relationship springs from the friendship, cool. If not? That’s cool too, because at least you'll (hopefully) still have your friend :)



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