Christian dating isn’t like regular dating. It’s a
whole different level of navigating twists and turns, that can feel like a
strange obstacle course sometimes. During undergrad I met a guy who approached
me, and asked what the dating scene was like at my school. He was passing
through the area from out of town and curious, I guess. My immediate response
was laughter. I told him the same thing a lot of my female peers and I had
concluded, “It’s slim pickings around here, and it seems like a lot of people
are obsessed with getting married.” He told me about his background attending a
Christian school, and how things were similar. He also shared that the guy to
girl ratio at his school was outnumbered, with more girls than guys, and that
the girls would watch as guys went by, basically calling “dibs” on who would be
their husbands. A bit bizarre right? Our chat was interesting, and it made me
think about the challenges that can come with dating as a Christian. As a
Christian woman, I’ve found myself in an in-between place of wanting something
serious but not quite ready for something as serious as marriage, just yet.
I’ve been out on dates with Christian guys, been in the “talking” stage with
Christian guys, and tested the waters with dating non-Christian guys -- which I
don’t advise (more on this later), and each experience helped me get an
understanding of what to do, what not to do, and what to expect while dating as
a believer. I’ve learned four major things I’d love to share, especially for
the single folks. I believe knowing these things can be helpful. Read on…
Get a Life – Seriously, get a life. I mean it. There’s nothing interesting about someone
who doesn’t have a life of their own. I’ve been laughed at for doing things on
my own, but as a single woman, I understand that going out and experiencing
life can increase your odds of meeting someone, who may be out alone, doing
some of the same things you enjoy doing. Get it? What do you like to do? How do
you spend your time? What do you read? What movies have you seen? I’ve watched
couples get together, with one person in the relationship (usually the female) getting
obsessed with the other, and ultimately fall apart when things don’t work out,
because one person and sometimes both, didn’t have a life of their own before
another person came into the picture. This is not okay. Enjoy your own company first before dating, and remember
this – If you’re single and don’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone
else?
Jury Duty – I read a book titled The Wait by Meagan Good and DeVon
Franklin that offered an unforgettable piece of advice that I now utilize when
dating, and it’s to date with a jury mentality. The Wait reads, “Venture into the dating scene with a jury
mentality, observing and learning but not judging. You maintain a healthy level
of detachment. You don’t commit to anyone prematurely. That doesn’t mean you
can’t have fun. It means that you don’t rush to judge someone as being perfect
or the One based on a few encounters, a few dates, or even a few church
services together.” I think this is a really good approach.
Don’t Date Unequally Yoked – 2 Corinthians 6:14
reads, “Don’t be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
I’ve done this and it’s not worth it. Any guy that’s interested in me has to be
a Christian that I’m compatible with, and this is non-negotiable. I
specifically noted compatibility, too, because some believers think that just
because two people are Christians, they’d be a great match, which isn’t always
the case. I think you’ll both know when you know. As far as dating an
unbeliever goes, I say don’t do it. You can influence someone to want to change
but you can’t make them change. I’ve seen cheesy Christian films, read cheesy
Christian stories, and have even written cheesy Christian fiction about a good
Christian girl that dates an unbeliever, inspires him to change, and then they
live happily-ever-after. When in reality the story line usually goes something
like this: Good Christian girl dates unbeliever, thinks she can change him,
tries, fails, and ends up making poor choices and compromises while dating this
guy, and gets her heart broken. Get the picture? Same for guys, if you’re saved
dude, don’t get involved with an unsaved girl. It’ll bring unnecessary stress
and temptation you don’t need.
Give It Time – Patience is an area I’m tested in on
a regular basis, and when it comes to dating, I feel it the most. Because of my
refusal to settle, I’m a selective dater. I know there’s no such thing as a
perfect, Mr. Right (as all guys, even Christian ones are flawed, just like we’re
all flawed) but I don’t feel the need to date just to date, or waste my time or
energy on something that’s not going anywhere. I believe in dating with
purpose. I can recognize that what I’ve been holding out for and waiting for,
takes time. I have younger Christian girlfriends who complain about singleness,
while failing to recognize what they can be doing to enjoy themselves in the
meantime. The focus in the meantime should be developing yourself as the whole
person God wants you to be, before getting into a relationship with someone.
Another thing I’ve seen is some Christians thinking that just because they’re
dating someone, that the relationship is supposed to end in a proposal and/or
marriage. This could happen, but then it also couldn’t. I’ve seen breakups
happen (one’s that people didn’t see coming) and I’ve also seen way too many
people rush into things before they’re ready, because they didn’t give things
time. Love and a serious commitment take time. Getting to know the real version of someone, takes time. So,
give it time.
Hope all this helps :)