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Dating, Christian Style

Christian dating isn’t like regular dating. It’s a whole different level of navigating twists and turns, that can feel like a strange obstacle course sometimes. During undergrad I met a guy who approached me, and asked what the dating scene was like at my school. He was passing through the area from out of town and curious, I guess. My immediate response was laughter. I told him the same thing a lot of my female peers and I had concluded, “It’s slim pickings around here, and it seems like a lot of people are obsessed with getting married.” He told me about his background attending a Christian school, and how things were similar. He also shared that the guy to girl ratio at his school was outnumbered, with more girls than guys, and that the girls would watch as guys went by, basically calling “dibs” on who would be their husbands. A bit bizarre right? Our chat was interesting, and it made me think about the challenges that can come with dating as a Christian. As a Christian woman, I’ve found myself in an in-between place of wanting something serious but not quite ready for something as serious as marriage, just yet. I’ve been out on dates with Christian guys, been in the “talking” stage with Christian guys, and tested the waters with dating non-Christian guys -- which I don’t advise (more on this later), and each experience helped me get an understanding of what to do, what not to do, and what to expect while dating as a believer. I’ve learned four major things I’d love to share, especially for the single folks. I believe knowing these things can be helpful. Read on…

Get a Life – Seriously, get a life. I mean it. There’s nothing interesting about someone who doesn’t have a life of their own. I’ve been laughed at for doing things on my own, but as a single woman, I understand that going out and experiencing life can increase your odds of meeting someone, who may be out alone, doing some of the same things you enjoy doing. Get it? What do you like to do? How do you spend your time? What do you read? What movies have you seen? I’ve watched couples get together, with one person in the relationship (usually the female) getting obsessed with the other, and ultimately fall apart when things don’t work out, because one person and sometimes both, didn’t have a life of their own before another person came into the picture. This is not okay. Enjoy your own company first before dating, and remember this – If you’re single and don’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone else?

Jury Duty – I read a book titled The Wait by Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin that offered an unforgettable piece of advice that I now utilize when dating, and it’s to date with a jury mentality. The Wait reads, “Venture into the dating scene with a jury mentality, observing and learning but not judging. You maintain a healthy level of detachment. You don’t commit to anyone prematurely. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. It means that you don’t rush to judge someone as being perfect or the One based on a few encounters, a few dates, or even a few church services together.” I think this is a really good approach.

Don’t Date Unequally Yoked – 2 Corinthians 6:14 reads, “Don’t be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? I’ve done this and it’s not worth it. Any guy that’s interested in me has to be a Christian that I’m compatible with, and this is non-negotiable. I specifically noted compatibility, too, because some believers think that just because two people are Christians, they’d be a great match, which isn’t always the case. I think you’ll both know when you know. As far as dating an unbeliever goes, I say don’t do it. You can influence someone to want to change but you can’t make them change. I’ve seen cheesy Christian films, read cheesy Christian stories, and have even written cheesy Christian fiction about a good Christian girl that dates an unbeliever, inspires him to change, and then they live happily-ever-after. When in reality the story line usually goes something like this: Good Christian girl dates unbeliever, thinks she can change him, tries, fails, and ends up making poor choices and compromises while dating this guy, and gets her heart broken. Get the picture? Same for guys, if you’re saved dude, don’t get involved with an unsaved girl. It’ll bring unnecessary stress and temptation you don’t need.

Give It Time – Patience is an area I’m tested in on a regular basis, and when it comes to dating, I feel it the most. Because of my refusal to settle, I’m a selective dater. I know there’s no such thing as a perfect, Mr. Right (as all guys, even Christian ones are flawed, just like we’re all flawed) but I don’t feel the need to date just to date, or waste my time or energy on something that’s not going anywhere. I believe in dating with purpose. I can recognize that what I’ve been holding out for and waiting for, takes time. I have younger Christian girlfriends who complain about singleness, while failing to recognize what they can be doing to enjoy themselves in the meantime. The focus in the meantime should be developing yourself as the whole person God wants you to be, before getting into a relationship with someone. Another thing I’ve seen is some Christians thinking that just because they’re dating someone, that the relationship is supposed to end in a proposal and/or marriage. This could happen, but then it also couldn’t. I’ve seen breakups happen (one’s that people didn’t see coming) and I’ve also seen way too many people rush into things before they’re ready, because they didn’t give things time. Love and a serious commitment take time. Getting to know the real version of someone, takes time. So, give it time.

Hope all this helps :)


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