The Bittersweet Taste of Success

I never knew that success wouldn’t actually feel like success. Truthfully, it tastes bittersweet. I underestimated the costs that came with trying to work towards a better life. I believe that people are cool with you, as long as they don’t perceive that you’re doing better than them. I don’t like that. I don’t measure success the same way the world does, but I know the higher I rise, the more I have to adjust through the transitions of closed doors, open doors, opportunities, opposition, and the constant cutting away of people and things that aren’t good for me. Sometimes, I’ve prayed for things not realizing how my opportunities to be successful would trigger things in some people I know, in unpleasant ways. Things like, constant criticism, discouragement, jealousy, and failed attempts to sabotage me have become too familiar. I haven’t been able to dodge all the blows, but I think it’s good to know who and where they come from, so I’m able to act accordingly. I’ve also had things like this happen to a confidant of mine. When one of my close and longtime girlfriends became a homeowner, I was thrilled. She was excited, and I was excited to see what she had planned, prepared, sacrificed, and worked so hard for, finally come together. She’s also smart, beautiful, has a great career, and is one of the only people in my life who really gets what weathering success is like. It was my pleasure to celebrate her. When she told me she shared her good news with other people, some of the reactions seemed critical. I wasn’t shocked, especially because I usually get the same reactions, whenever I’ve done something someone else may perceive to be, successful. This bittersweet taste has hit me whenever I’ve taken on a new opportunity, met someone special, or went full force after my dreams. The closer I got to finishing college, I had some family members and friends try to downplay it (which I’m certain came from their own insecurities) and try to fight me, almost the whole way towards the finish line. By the time I got my degree, I was happy, grateful, and relieved but it didn’t feel like I thought it would, and I certainly didn’t anticipate all the things I’d be up against in the process. Now, I’m learning to master the skill of just making moves and announcing nothing. No doubt, I’ll still take moments to pause and celebrate, I’m just careful now, because I’ve noticed the salt that’s thrown when I do succeed. I’m more successful than I’ve given myself credit for, and I don’t mean that from a place of arrogance, but mainly from a place of truth. I just let the reactions of people make me feel bad for enjoying and celebrating my wins, and that’s bogus. Often, people may hate on your wins not recognizing the L’s (losses) that happen behind closed doors. And there have been a ton of L’s. Sometimes, it’s good to keep your good news to yourself. When you do accomplish what you’ve worked towards or made major moves, I believe it’s best to keep quiet until the deals are done. My naïve moments of excitement, have often blinded me to the reality that everyone, especially people you never thought, will fall back as you ascend. To that I say, let them go. Should they try to make a comeback? Pray about it.