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Please, Stop Single-Shaming Me

I’ve been single for a very long time. Long enough to know and experience the sting of being single-shamed. Single-shaming is when someone puts a single person down or criticizes them for being single, and it’s usually followed by unsolicited advice, and concerns from people that think they know the single person well or believe they know what’s best for them, because apparently if someone’s single, they must be sad and lonely, right? Wrong. I find single-shaming insulting, annoying, and unproductive, and the main culprits behind this blatant act of disrespect? Couples and/or married folks. A few years ago, I found myself getting weary and sad in my singleness. I even got physically ill after someone said something to me that triggered fear, leading me to believe I’d never meet someone, and even bigger blows started coming at me in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I’m in a better place now, and learning to be content but not complacent with singleness. I’m living a full life of my own and enjoying myself in the meantime, but I’ll never be okay with being single-shamed. Pace yourself, I’m about to go in…

I’ve had “concerned” family and friends meddle in my love life, try to set me up with people I had zero interest in but dated anyway to get them off my back, which was unkind. Ladies, never do this to someone, you’ll reap what you sow. By the way, the dates weren’t bad but there wasn’t much chemistry, likely because I did things on other people’s terms instead of my own.

I agreed to dates I didn’t want to go on, but went on them anyway to avoid hurting some poor guys feelings, when I should have declined if I wasn’t really interested.

I’ve had my sexuality questioned because I wasn’t going through a ton of guys, which is insane. For the record I’m straight and 100 % heterosexual.

There’s more. The following have been said to me. (I’m not even kidding…)

“I think that’s what’s wrong with you. You’re not dating.”

“The older you get, the harder it is to meet someone…”

“You need more experience…”

“You’re too picky. That’s why you don’t have a boyfriend…”

“You’re pretty. Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“You don’t have a man? No kids? Well, you need a boo.”

My response to all this madness?

Yes, I’m single but I have standards. I don’t compromise to earn affection or attention. Yes, I want to be in a relationship but only with someone that knows who he is and what he wants in life, and there has to be reciprocity. And while I’m uncertain of marriage due to the recent rise and horror stories of disappointment, infidelity, separation, divorce, and heartache I’ve witnessed different friends and family go through, in addition to having a warning from a married person specifically telling me, “Don’t do it”, I’m on the fence about marriage. I think a lot of women and men may want that but if they could step into someone else’s life that’s already done it, they might reconsider. Regardless, I’ve got too much invested in me be single forever. I’m an incredible catch. However, whether God keeps me single for a season or a lifetime, it’s all good. My life will still be full and meaningful, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks.

I can laugh through some of this stuff now but when these things were said to me in real time, I felt my spirit drop and kind of gave up on ever being with someone. I stopped praying about it and decided, “God, I’ll just be alone. I’m going to be single.” Whenever I’ve done that, I’d get some kind of prophetic word or vision to keep praying over a guy that wasn't even in the picture yet. So, if you are single be encouraged. If you’re not? Please, don’t single-shame singles. I don’t shame couples or married folks, and ask how ya’ll are still in your relationships, so, let’s truce?  





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