Making Waves

I hate impulsiveness. It’s annoying, irresponsible, and causes problems that would’ve otherwise been avoided if sound decisions were made. Sadly, I’ve seen far too many casualties of it. Overspending. Casual hook ups. Diving into serious commitments or purchases without doing necessary research. And neglecting to obtain as much information as possible before making decisions -- just handfuls of examples of reckless and impulsive moves. Know what those kind of decisions lead to? Eviction notices. Foreclosures. Repossessions. Bankruptcy. Bad credit. Debt – financially and emotionally. Job loss. Heartache. Unplanned pregnancies. Unwanted children. Disease. Break ups. Divorce. Dysfunction. Frustration. Pain. Regret. Stress. And early graves. Not only have I witnessed the pitfalls of impulsiveness, but experiencing it in my own life has been a learning curve of what to do and what not to do as an adult. When I was a kid, I saw different adults impulsively mishandle money and how that poor ...

Hatred. Prejudice. Racism. Discouragement. Obnoxious Christian Trump supporters. Barrenness. Brokenness. Weariness. Legalism. Opposition. Setbacks. Struggles. I’ve battled and challenged all the above. I’ve had some losses and I’ve definitely had some wins. But what’s still a struggle and absolutely heartbreaking are the souls lost in the crossfire. What’s happening with believers as a whole? What has ministry turned into? More and more Christians are arguing and fighting over the wrong things, while hurting souls in need of help and healing are more broken than they were before seeking help. I desire understanding, reconciliation, and improvement. I’m going to change the game. When someone comes to me, whether Christian or not, I want them to walk away feeling the love of Christ. I’ve fellowshipped with different people in different places and walked away feeling emptier than ever before. I can’t stand that. If I’ve felt that way, I can’t imagine what those who aren’t saved must feel...

Red flags. Instinct. Intuition. They always reveal what’s obvious. Hindsight does too. When I meet a guy it doesn’t take long for me to figure out if he’d be a great match or not. I ask myself important questions, pay close attention, and will eventually ask any guy I’m considering dating or having a future with the following:   Is he a Christian? Is he single? How does he take care of himself? Does he communicate well? Does he tell too much of his business or is he more reserved? What’s his relationship like with the Lord, his family, and friends? What kind of people does he hang out with? How does he behave on social media and in person? How does he act when he’s angry, sad, stressed, or disappointed? How does he act or respond under pressure? How does he handle money? Does he pay his bills on time? Is he employed and able to maintain steady employment? What’s his work ethic like? Will he have good boundaries in a relationship? Is he a flirt? Will...

The friend zone. The place where people are placed when they learn that the non-platonic feelings they have for another friend are not reciprocal. I’ve been friend zoned before and have put some great (and not so great) guys in the friend zone too. It’s an awkward position to be in, but it happens to the best of us. Some people don’t understand how and why it happens, but it happens. If you’ve been brave enough to share your true feelings for someone, good for you. But if those feelings aren’t reciprocated, do yourself a favor and move on. Especially if you and the person of interest are friends. I’ve seen people continue to pursue or wait around on someone they had feelings for, who had either verbally or clearly indicated they weren’t interested in a relationship beyond friendship. And because some people still struggle with this, I’m sharing signs that you’ve been friend zoned. Be informed. ·          If someone says, “You’re like a brother/...

I never thought the day would come when I’d be in a wig store trying on wigs and asking a million questions about sew ins. That day arrived and it was an adventure. Because the weather was warming up and I know how natural hair can get during summer, the time for a protective style was near. I figured I could keep my hair braided under a wig. And not one single one of the wigs I tried on looked good on me. I looked a mess and decided to do some internet research. I’ve been natural since October 2014 and my hair’s been styled all kinds of ways, but over the last year I’ve been experimenting with protective styles like long braids and cornrows. But, I wanted something other than braids since I’d already done them a handful of times. I wanted to change my entire look and I wanted longer hair again, so, I went out and bought some. I scheduled an appointment with my new stylist and asked a million questions about sew ins and how to get one done. Purchasing the hair was pricey, but I was hi...

To be successful you need friends. To be very successful you need enemies – Ari Gold Everyone has enemies. And we all need them. If utilized strategically, enemies are capable of pushing you towards bettering yourself. They’re useful because having enemies is a sign you’re a force to be reckoned with and that you’re someone people are paying attention to. I can testify that those who betray you may be closer than you think. Some of my biggest foes have been ratchet family members and former friends I openly let in my life without properly screening them first. A handful of them have tried to get back in my good graces, and while I’m forgiving, I’d be a fool to trust them again – especially when I know a number of them have alliances with people who don’t like me and would try to ruin me if given the chance. If you’re a discerning person you’ll be able to tell the differences between allies and enemies in your life. One of my toughest battles has been seeing someone’s spirit when mee...

I love being God’s woman. He loves, challenges, and pushes me in ways like no one else. And I make it a priority to set aside quiet time for us. For me, church doesn’t begin and end only on Sunday’s. I need God 24/7. Because I’m His woman, I believe in being intentional about spending time together on a regular basis. One of the things that bother me about some single Christian women is that sometimes, they complain about singleness, pray to God for a significant other, and envy other couples without recognizing the opportunities and blessings singleness affords – specifically quality time with God. If you can’t be faithful to God first, how and why would you expect Him to bless and trust you with a significant other?  Singleness may have its highs and lows, but you have the freedom to spend as much time with God as possible. And if you are single, don’t be in a hurry to change your status too quickly. God’s not limited by age, timing, circumstances, or what your family, friends, ...

Do you know where you’d like to see yourself in a year, five years, and ten years from now? I do. I believe God has a way of shaking up plans each of us has in mind for ourselves, but I don’t think it hurts to envision and work towards different goals and experiences as your life progresses. One day I wrote out different lists of things I’d like to do and experience over the course of a year, five years, and ten years. I prefer to keep my lists private for now, but I encourage you to make lists of your own. It’s simple. Make three different lists -- the first starting with one year, the second starting with what you’d like to accomplish in five years, and the third will focus on where you’d like to see yourself in ten years. It’s cool getting an idea of how you’d like your life to change and I hope your lists reveal surprising things to you. 

Tiffany & Co. jewelry is timeless and iconic. I watched a documentary titled Crazy About Tiffany’s that documented the rise of Tiffany & Co. and how much its legacy continues to evolve. I learned and discovered how significant some of their pieces have been throughout history and pop-culture. I even have three Tiffany & Co. pieces of my own that I adore. Tiffany & Co. also has one of the most beautiful engagement rings I’ve ever seen (The Tiffany Setting -- seen here .) It’s incredible, right? Two things I learned from Crazy About Tiffany’s was that Tiffany & Co. are the designers behind the legendary NFL Super Bowl Vince Lombardi trophy, and that some of their jewelry was featured in a movie based on one of my favorite books and arguably one of the most brilliant literature pieces ever written – F. Scott Fitzgerald’s  The Great Gatsby. In Baz Luhrmann’s version of The Great Gatsby Daisy Buchanan is wearing jewelry from Tiffany & Co. during a beautiful s...

The girls who bullied me in middle school and high school. The guy from the high school football team who humiliated me in front of our class and said I didn’t matter and sucked at life. The girl who was supposed to be my friend and betrayed my trust. The first guy that broke my heart. Or perhaps the ungodly Christians I’ve met who have other people convinced they’re good people?  The list could go on. But what good would it benefit me to get revenge on any of the people listed above? Zero. Zilch. Nada. I have the choice to move on with my life. Revenge is an interesting concept. On one hand, the idea of inflicting the same pain towards someone that’s hurt you may bring temporary satisfaction, but at what cost? I don’t believe it’s worth it – even if and when given the opportunity. On the other hand, you can forgive and let go of whatever it was that transpired. That’s easier said than done for some more than others. I’m not a fan of actively seeking revenge. Revenge is God’s job ...

When I stepped on the scale this morning my current weight disappointed me. How could this be? I’ve been working out, drinking almost a gallon of water a day, cutting carbs, drinking green smoothies and denying myself sweets… on most days. Once I mellowed, I looked in the mirror and thought I looked great, regardless of what the scale said. In fact, some loved ones had mentioned to me that they thought I looked slimmer than usual and encouraged me to eat more carbs. But the scale and the fact that the warmer weather was now among us only meant one thing to me: bikini season. Ah, yes. Bikini season. It’s the time of year when gyms fill up before summer and dieting and body cleanses begin. Is all that hard work and sacrifice just to look great in a bikini on the beach or for any other kinds of water related gatherings and activities worth it? I guess. Ugh. I thought. The summer is close. I need to tone up more. Cut sweets out all together for awhile. Hit the gym harder. And be mindful ...

When he told me, “Because I love you…” things started to make sense. All the ups, downs, questions and waiting all became much clearer. He loved me. He still does. My guy? He’s a keeper. God spoke to me in a special way. We were having quiet time together and I wanted to know what the delay was with a ton of prayers I felt remained unanswered. His response? “I love you too much to give you something too soon. I’m doing this because I love you.” After He said that, I immediately thought about an incident that happened when I was 13. When I was 13 and out shopping with my parents, I spotted a pair of high-heeled boots I wanted. My father offered to buy me anything I wanted that day, so naturally, I thought he’d be okay about the boots…until he wasn’t. I kept the box with the boots closed, hoping the cashier would just ring them up without my parents noticing. I should’ve known better. I knew deep down my parents likely wouldn’t approve of me, their 13 year old, wearing such adult like...

Fierce. Beautiful. Brave. These are words I find synonymous with the young woman they call Demi Lovato. I first learned about Demi when she was in a huge Disney Channel movie called  Camp Rock . She co-starred alongside The Jonas Brothers, who were very popular at the time, and she also went on to be part of other Disney Channel productions. I’d been a fan from the start, but as her image and music changed, I found her more interesting and enjoyable to listen to. I really took a liking to her hit Heart Attack and her album C onfidence . She has an incredible voice and an even more captivating back story. She’s been public about her behind the scene struggles and battles with depression, suicide, drug abuse, her eating disorder, and coping with bipolar disorder. I had the chance to view her YouTube documentary titled Simply Complicated which gave a huge look into her life and the different things she’s overcome. The girl is fire and her album Tell Me You Love Me is brilliant. If ...

Dating can be exciting. It’s flattering meeting someone who wants to share their time and company with you. But while it’s great having fun, it’s also important for women to know how to stay safe on dates. Below, I’m sharing five tips on how to stay safe on dates and still have a good time. I hope any young women reading this finds these tips helpful and that any young men reading will be mindful of their boundaries and behavior on dates. ·          Meet Up – During first dates it’s best to meet up in separate vehicles. As much as I believe in old school courting where the guy picks up the girl, these days, you can never be too safe. Not everyone has great intentions – even an attractive and charming guy who could be a low-key creeper. It’s best to meet your date by your own means of transportation while things are still very new and you’re getting to know one another. You might even decide not to see the person again. If you have your own car,...

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” - Matthew 6:25-27 People worry – a lot. I have before too. Sometimes the storms and trials of life make it hard not to. And no matter how much of a believer you are and how much faith you have, life has a way of testing you in areas that can prompt you to enter panic mode and start worrying, and that, my dear readers, is exhausting. I’ve been weary in worrying about things that either don’t turn out as awful as I thought they would or don’t end up happening at all. Then I think about the wasted time I spent worrying and get mad about that wasted time I’ll never get back. I ...

This time last year, I confronted a family member I’d been terrified of since I was a little girl. We got into a heated argument that ended with her telling me, “You’re not better than me.” Although I was livid and in tears, I walked away baffled. Really? Is that the best thing she could come up with? “You’re not better than me.” I’d heard it from other different family members too. What is it about me that would make someone say such a thing? Then I started connecting the dots. I’m bold and outspoken in my faith and views as a Christian. (Apparently my willingness to choose opposite of a sinful lifestyle made some people think I thought I was better. And I’ve never thought that. I just chose Christ and He chose me. I also chose to better myself. A different path paved with education, along with different opportunities, culture, and experiences was my golden ticket to a life I’ve always envisioned for myself. When people grow silent and distant as things get better for you, you may h...

She was becoming herself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear before the world – Kate Chopin, The Awakening I believe there’s more to people than what meets the eye. One day I was going through some old photos and couldn’t believe how much I changed over the course of just a single year. I’ve often heard, “You look exactly the same” but I beg to differ. Both externally and internally, I hardly relate to the person I was a year ago. While there are some things that look and feel the same, I can tell a difference. I’ve changed. People around me have changed. The way I think and believe has changed. Towards the end of last year and at the start of this year, I was intentional about casting off parts of myself I didn’t like. Bad habits. Unfruitful relationships. Insecurities… anything that wasn’t working or hindering me had to go. And I finally feel like I’m starting to breathe. I’m no longer apologizing for who I am, what I li...

It’s 2018. In a lot of ways, interracial relationships have become a cultural and acceptable norm. While there are still people that may have issues with it or choose to date and marry only within their own race, interracial love doesn’t seem to be disappearing anytime soon. However, its impact on the African-American community and more specifically, black women, can raise questions and be a great source of disappointment. For some black women, black men choosing and pursuing relationships with non-black women can feel like a betrayal. Especially when the black man in question is a successful black man. Success is relative, but in this case, successful meaning -- well-educated, powerful, and non-impacted by the negative statistics surrounding black men, such as crime and incarceration. Statistics suggest that 42% of black women have never been married. That’s a startling statistic in comparison to non-black women who are already married and continue to marry. And truthfully, there ar...

If a woman is deemed more successful than a man in regards to her economic status, some men seem to lose interest, grow jealous, petty, or even intimidated. It’s crazy but it happens. Why? Ego. The male ego. And perhaps a lot of inner insecurity – which is a major turnoff. Apparently the male ego can’t handle or be secure being with someone who is seemingly equal or more successful (granted success is a relative term) than he is. The moment I began noticing this contrast I was blown away. I’ve literally watched couples split up or a witness some women downplay their success because the guy they were in a relationship with couldn’t handle the reality of being with a woman they deemed more successful. Especially a woman that made more money than them. In some startling cases, I’ve even met and talked with very bright, intelligent, and successful young women who fear that the more successful they become, the more likely they’ll remain single. And I want to know what’s breeding this kind...

God loves me unconditionally. I have a family. Friends. Food and shelter. Great health. Beauty and brains. A college degree. A full-time job. Income. Health insurance. A blossoming writing career. A properly functioning vehicle. Opportunities to travel. Influence. And success… I should be happy, right? I should have no reason to complain or want for something more because my life is good as it is…or is it? What am I thinking? Is discontent a sin? I’m content, but my heart still desires more. I can ask God for anything, right? In my spirit I know God has more in store, although there’s no indication that the more I’ve been praying for is happening… at least not yet, anyway. Do other people have barrenness in secret places, Lord? This weekend the Lord placed a special word on my heart regarding barrenness. I immediately thought about the biblical story of Hannah. Hannah was a woman who was barren and wanted a child. But because her womb was closed she was unable to have children. To m...