I Don’t See A Future With You

Red flags. Instinct. Intuition. They always reveal what’s obvious. Hindsight does too. When I meet a guy it doesn’t take long for me to figure out if he’d be a great match or not. I ask myself important questions, pay close attention, and will eventually ask any guy I’m considering dating or having a future with the following:

Is he a Christian?

Is he single?

How does he take care of himself?

Does he communicate well?

Does he tell too much of his business or is he more reserved?

What’s his relationship like with the Lord, his family, and friends?

What kind of people does he hang out with?

How does he behave on social media and in person?

How does he act when he’s angry, sad, stressed, or disappointed?

How does he act or respond under pressure?

How does he handle money?

Does he pay his bills on time?

Is he employed and able to maintain steady employment?

What’s his work ethic like?

Will he have good boundaries in a relationship? Is he a flirt?

Will he respect me? Can he lead and protect me?

Is he on the down low? Attracted to other men? Has he ever struggled with his sexuality?

Is he boyfriend/husband material?

Can he go without sex before marriage?

Does he want to get married?

Does he have a promiscuous past? Has he been tested for STD’s and would he be willing to take a blood test if we’re engaged and planning to marry?

Is he comfortable talking about sex, boundaries, and expectations if we’re engaged and planning to marry?

Does he care about his health? (Spiritual, physical, and emotional)

Does he have a history of abuse, addiction, cheating, or mental illness? Do the men in his family?

Does he have a criminal record?

Does he have a crazy ex, a child, or kids I don’t know about?

Does he want kids? Would he be cool not having them?

Would I want kids with this person?

Would he make a great father?

What was his childhood like?

What was his relationship like with his own parents?

Has he been separated or divorced before? If so, why?

Does he make plans or is he impulsive?

I believe you know when someone’s a good match for you or not. People will always reveal themselves if you allow them to. Don’t be afraid to ask important questions before dating or committing to anyone. Of course I don’t suggest bombarding someone with all these questions at once, but they should gradually be brought up in conversation. I’ve been guilty of turning a blind eye to red flags and warning signs with different guys, because I got tired of being single and thought I’d end up alone if I didn’t settle and just take who I could get. That’s dangerous and foolish. Trust your instincts and listen to your intuition. Know what you want and don’t want, and understand it’s okay to pass on someone you don’t see a future with. Life is too short to waste time.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

How To Respond To A Nasty Email

Technology has made many people bold, rude, and incredibly messy. Often to the point where some may hide behind words they’ve typed instead of verbally communicating a message they want to convey. Such can be the case when it comes to sending emails. Ah, emails. You know what they are. Electronic messages that can be quickly drafted, sent, and misinterpreted (because you can’t always interpret tones or emotions through them). Which is why it’s key to know how to respond to nasty emails if they should ever come your way – especially in the workplace. As a working professional, there have been plenty of times when a coworker or superior sent an email my way that was petty, mad disrespectful, and unprofessional. And before I learned how to properly utilize email etiquette, my first instinct would always be to clap back. I just felt the need to respond and to communicate that I wouldn’t allow anyone, no matter who they were, to disrespect me. And while I haven’t taken t...

Making Waves