Do Interracial Relationships Feel Like A Betrayal?

It’s 2018. In a lot of ways, interracial relationships have become a cultural and acceptable norm. While there are still people that may have issues with it or choose to date and marry only within their own race, interracial love doesn’t seem to be disappearing anytime soon. However, its impact on the African-American community and more specifically, black women, can raise questions and be a great source of disappointment. For some black women, black men choosing and pursuing relationships with non-black women can feel like a betrayal. Especially when the black man in question is a successful black man. Success is relative, but in this case, successful meaning -- well-educated, powerful, and non-impacted by the negative statistics surrounding black men, such as crime and incarceration. Statistics suggest that 42% of black women have never been married. That’s a startling statistic in comparison to non-black women who are already married and continue to marry. And truthfully, there are many black women who want to be married to black men. I’m not racist nor do I have a racial preference when it comes to dating, but I have noticed how a high percentage of black men don’t date and/or marry black women. Don’t believe me? Look no further than the media, colleges, various work place settings, and even your social media news feed. Are black women supposed to just sit back and pretend like they’re cool with things? I grew up in predominantly Caucasian environments and settings, and from elementary school through college, I saw how the small percentage of young black men in my community flocked and naturally gravitated towards non-black girls and/or towards the lighter-skinned black girls, while other black girls were completely ignored. A preference for light-skin blacks vs. dark-skin blacks is a colorism issue that’s been a challenge in the African-American community, dating all the way back to slavery. During slavery times, light-skin slaves (who were often the product of relationships between the white slave masters and their slaves) were house slaves that worked indoors and got better treatment. The dark-skinned slaves often worked outdoors. There’s always been a cultural view that light-skinned blacks are often deemed more attractive and acceptable than those of darker hues. (This was way before Lupita Nyong’o hit the scene and before the acceptance of darker skinned women became trendy for different men.) This is why it often surprises me when I do encounter or meet a black male and even non-black males, who show interest in me. It sounds crazy but when it happens I think, is he really feeling me, though? It’s hard not to question. I’m not light-skinned nor dark-skinned, but brown. Nevertheless, I’ve still been hit with the turmoil of insecurity and blows of colorism. But I deal with it and move on. The stigma in the black community about educated or highly successful black men only showing interest in non-black women continues, and the perception is that these men are choosing not to “stay black” based on the negative stereotypes surrounding black women as a whole, even when there are successful, intelligent, beautiful, and available black women who are completely opposite of those stereotypes. There’s also another perception that if a black man isn’t with a black woman, he must not like black women – which isn’t always the case. I try my best to understand the point of view of others and have learned different things. I know black men who date and marry outside of the African-American race, who just happened to fall in love with someone outside of their race without ever having had any kind of preferences or a particular motive for doing so. My stance towards black men who do so, has always been to date or marry who you want, but don’t bad mouth black women to the person you’re with. Black women already have all kinds of stereotypes they’re up against, so it’d be great for the black men who aren’t with black women, to quit throwing shade. On the other hand, I’ve also noticed how more black women are choosing partners outside of the African-American community, which is great too. The more open you are the more options you have. I’ve met and known black women who’ve openly shared that they have preferences for non-black men for all kinds of reasons, some of which are questionable, but to each their own. Be with who you want and do your thing, but again, don’t trash those within your own race in the process. Despite what any statistics suggest, I believe there are still black men, including those who are well-educated, successful and not caught in the abyss of crime and incarceration, that like, love, and appreciate black women. Personally, I don’t find interracial relationships threatening or view them as a betrayal, but to some black women it’s a struggle. Will things change? Only time can tell.