You’re Not Better Than Me

This time last year, I confronted a family member I’d been terrified of since I was a little girl. We got into a heated argument that ended with her telling me, “You’re not better than me.” Although I was livid and in tears, I walked away baffled. Really? Is that the best thing she could come up with? “You’re not better than me.” I’d heard it from other different family members too. What is it about me that would make someone say such a thing? Then I started connecting the dots. I’m bold and outspoken in my faith and views as a Christian. (Apparently my willingness to choose opposite of a sinful lifestyle made some people think I thought I was better. And I’ve never thought that. I just chose Christ and He chose me. I also chose to better myself. A different path paved with education, along with different opportunities, culture, and experiences was my golden ticket to a life I’ve always envisioned for myself. When people grow silent and distant as things get better for you, you may have to consider cutting those relationships loose for awhile – even if it’s with some family. As painful as that may be, I quickly learned it was something I had to do to maintain my peace and be focused on my goals and dreams without distractions and painful triggers in the form of people trying to keep me down. When it seemed like I had very little going for myself, I had little to no tension or problems with different family members and friends. I had more support when I considered settling and being content with less. Many people will remain cool with you if you choose to remain small. Should you break out, better yourself, and try to be and do something more? Anticipate all hell breaking loose. Especially if you’re someone who has potential to be great. Don’t shrink, dumb down, or accept less to make other people feel comfortable. Especially those who are insecure. Because only an insecure individual would say something as absurd as, “You’re not better than me.” In many African-American families and especially amongst the African-American race, there’s a crab mentality. A crab mentality is like “crabs in a pot.” When one crab in the pot tries to climb up, the other crabs in the pot will try to pull it back down with the others. If the other crabs can’t get out, no one can. How messed up is that? This mentality became more and more obvious to me as I was finishing my college degree last spring. Pursuing my degree was one of the hardest and most stressful seasons of my life. And it was especially painful to learn I had family members and even some friends, try to belittle and begrudge something that I worked so hard for. I used to be hurt about it, but now? I’m good. I’m not salty. I forgive and move on. I’m too busy thriving and working on myself. I don’t have time to be a hater. Neither do you. Don’t have a crab mentality, either. It’s a complete waste of time and energy. Figure out who you are, what you’re good at, and go be great. What are you waiting for?