If a woman is deemed more successful
than a man in regards to her economic status, some men seem to lose interest,
grow jealous, petty, or even intimidated. It’s crazy but it happens. Why? Ego.
The male ego. And perhaps a lot of
inner insecurity – which is a major turnoff. Apparently the male ego can’t
handle or be secure being with someone who is seemingly equal or more
successful (granted success is a
relative term) than he is. The moment I began noticing this contrast I was
blown away. I’ve literally watched couples split up or a witness some women downplay
their success because the guy they were in a relationship with couldn’t handle
the reality of being with a woman they deemed more successful. Especially a
woman that made more money than them. In some startling cases, I’ve even met
and talked with very bright, intelligent, and successful young women who fear that
the more successful they become, the more likely they’ll remain single. And I
want to know what’s breeding this kind of culture and what can be done to
change it? No woman should ever feel she has to shrink, dumb down, or live
small out of fear of what a man thinks. I like to believe a real man would
support his woman and her endeavors and be happy for her success. Sadly, that
kind of reality seems as common as winning the lottery, and if a woman is a winner
even beyond financial means, a dangerous warning has been put out that goes
like this: Ladies, be careful. If you do
too much and are too smart and are too successful, you’ll threaten the man and
scare him away. Is this really the kind of message we want to teach up and
coming generations of young women? I get that some men like to be in a position
where they’re able to be a sole provider, but why can’t women rise to that
level and do so unapologetically? Does it matter who’s more successful or who
out earns who? When I was a little girl I always aspired to be an extraordinary
and successful woman. I quickly caught on to how privileged and favored the
young men were treated in my family over the young women. If one of the guys
achieved at something stemming from any to everything like academic
performance, sports, higher education, moving out to get their own places, and
more, they were supported and praised. If one of the young women did those
things or tried? There was silence. Little support. Little celebration. For many
of the women in my family success was often measured by landing a man, getting
a ring, married, and having children. Going towards college and great career
opportunities seemed like a foreign and frowned upon idea. Don’t get me wrong,
I’ve got smart and hardworking women on both sides of my family, but I’ve
always wanted and dreamed beyond what I’ve seen. A major part of my drive and
motivation has been trying to break the cycle and systems I’ve seen, starting
with myself. In Before You Do T.D.
Jakes writes, “Gentlemen, you must be willing to accept the fact that she may
make more money than you. She may be more educated, sophisticated, and refined.
But that doesn’t mean she’s trying to turn you into her male clone. You should
not be ashamed or threatened by her strengths because they will only make your
own strengths sharper and stronger.” Even if some guys don’t admit it, I
believe they’re uncomfortable in a dynamic where the woman is winning, because
for some reason, they may think this set up makes them seem like less of a man
(which isn’t the case for all women… at least not for me.) I believe if I’m
successful, then that success can be shared with the guy I’m with. I’ve met guys
and even casually dated some who would do really off-putting and frustrating
things regarding this kind of set up. They’d do things like…
·
Instantly
talk about how much money they made for a living as if that would impress me.
I’m not that kind of woman. As long
as you’re able to take care of yourself and making an honest living, I’m cool.
·
Think
I cared about what kind of car they drove or where they lived or were from.
·
Assume
I wasn’t interested because they were still in school or worked at a temporary
job that merely paid the bills until they landed a position more to their
liking.
·
Assume
that I’m completely “put-together” not realizing there are still things I’m
working at to better myself as well.
·
Get
intimidated and decide I wasn’t the right girl for them without giving me a
chance to assess that choice.
I already know I’m going to be
the kind of woman that does well in life and I see two choices regarding being
with a guy that can handle that: choose someone who’s on the same level or
someone who’s doing even better. It’s disheartening to know there are men in
the world that can’t handle a bread-winning woman, and women and men in different
families who don’t fully celebrate and encourage girls to go higher out of
fears rooted in outdated systems that are truthfully being challenged
every single day. Is change possible? Of
course. Will there be more men on board with a new approach and perspective on
these things? We’ll see.