Because I Love You

When he told me, “Because I love you…” things started to make sense. All the ups, downs, questions and waiting all became much clearer. He loved me. He still does. My guy? He’s a keeper. God spoke to me in a special way. We were having quiet time together and I wanted to know what the delay was with a ton of prayers I felt remained unanswered. His response? “I love you too much to give you something too soon. I’m doing this because I love you.” After He said that, I immediately thought about an incident that happened when I was 13. When I was 13 and out shopping with my parents, I spotted a pair of high-heeled boots I wanted. My father offered to buy me anything I wanted that day, so naturally, I thought he’d be okay about the boots…until he wasn’t. I kept the box with the boots closed, hoping the cashier would just ring them up without my parents noticing. I should’ve known better. I knew deep down my parents likely wouldn’t approve of me, their 13 year old, wearing such adult like boots. But I tried it… and failed. The cashier opened the box. When she did, she went on and on about how cute the boots were and how she had the same ones in different colors to match her mini skirts. I now suspect the moment my mother heard mini skirts is when the boots and I would not be going home together. “Excuse me, we won’t be getting these boots” my mother said. She took one look at them and was like, nah, my 13 year old won’t be stepping out in these. When my father took a look at them he said, “I’ll get you anything else in here. But not those.” Regardless of what my parents said, I wanted those boots. They were in style and I had to have them. Only problem was that they were too grown for a 13 year old to wear. It would have been too much, too soon. On the car ride home I was extra salty and moody. I didn’t say a word to either one of my parents. My mother stood by her decision. She didn’t feel a 13 year old needed an explanation about why boots made for a grown woman was a bad idea. My dad was different. I was a bit of a daddy’s girl growing up, so as much as he didn’t want to see me disappointed, he explained why the boots were a no go. “I can’t let you leave the house wearing something like those. The other day I saw a grown man checking out a young girl walking on the sidewalk. She was dressed older than what she looked like, and he was so busy looking at her, he wasn’t paying attention on the road. She was just a young girl.” I now appreciate at 28 what I couldn’t understand at 13. My parents didn’t want me looking older than my actual age. Getting those boots at that age could potentially attract guys’ way too old for me or even worse, predators. Now that I’m grown I can wear whatever I want. But I’m also a woman now, not a 13 year old girl. My father said no to the boots at 13 because he loved me. He loved me too much to let me have something I was not yet ready for. So, if my natural father denied me a pair of adult like boots at age 13, what made me think my spiritual father, God, would give me certain things, no matter how much I wanted and prayed for them, before I was actually ready for them? Get the picture? Often, many of us want different things and may believe we’re ready for them, when really, we’re not. Some of us stubbornly go for what we want, disobey God, and do things our way only to end up making a mess of things in our lives. I now have a greater appreciation for God loving me so much that He wouldn’t dare bless me with certain things before I’m ready for them. I’ve seen the cautionary tales and consequences of different family members, friends, and even some enemies, that have obtained, forced, or manipulated different things they wanted in their lives, too soon, and how much getting what they wanted too soon has complicated their lives. I don’t want that to happen to me. What you want isn’t always what you need…especially not before you’re ready. Psalm 37:7 reads, “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” If you find yourself in a wait, trust that God knows what He’s doing. It’s because He loves you.