Making Waves

This past January my aunt passed away. I was assigned the task of writing her obituary, a task I found both daunting and disheartening. Especially since we had just been sitting, talking, and laughing with each other a few months prior to her death. When she was on her deathbed she had the opportunity to tell each family member in the room things she wanted us to know before she went to be with the Lord. She held my hand and told me, "I'm gonna see your name in the sky. Write that first book. I love you…” Although we were all in tears, heartbroken, and completely devastated, being able to hear what she poured into each of us was a blessing. My aunt had a reputation for being genuine, fly, funny, giving, smart, and loved people where they were at in life. At her home going service and even to this day, her memory and legacy has and will continue to impact those she encountered. The last time I saw her in the hospital and shortly after her passing, I thought about legacy. How d...

As we said our good nights, he handed me his phone. He didn’t ask for my number, but instead, my social media handle. Puzzled, I typed in my name and then gave him my business card (which had my number on it.) His reply? “Wow, you’re fancy.” A week went by and he never called or texted. But he did send a friend request. Maybe I missed something, but is this really what most guys are like now? I believe technology has socially handicapped too many guys. Don’t get me wrong, the guy I exchanged info with was cool. We had chemistry, great conversation, and he was nice. However, he could have just called or texted. Believe it or not, he wasn’t the first guy I had this kind of encounter with and I suspect he won‘t be the last. While I'm modern, I still admire some traditional approaches to dating and it's scary how much technology has impacted the game. I'm all for screening someone before you consider dating them, however, social media isn't always an accurate source to do ...

Idol worship is rarely obvious at first. It happens gradually. We make money. Buy nice things. Spend time with amazing people. Dedicate ourselves to our work, gifts, crafts, and families. And in the midst of all those things, sometimes, we neglect God. This is a problem and totally unacceptable. However, God has a way of dethroning things He allows us to be blessed with. Some of us lose jobs, which impacts our income and lifestyles. He strips away different people and relationships we cherish – even ones we never imagined would end. He allows a child to get sick, a family member to pass away, breakups, a separation and/or divorce to be final, and other relationships to fade away because He's God and can do whatever He wants. He loves us too much to allow us to esteem ourselves, a position, income, relationships, or material things above Him. Exodus 20:3-5 reads, “You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above...

In 2016 Ryan Reynolds embodied and brilliantly portrayed a very unlikely yet likable character named Deadpool . A sequel has recently released and after seeing both films, I’m impressed with the work. When the first film came out I watched it so many times I lost count. It really was that good. Deadpool is an unlikely definition of what some may consider a hero . The films are violent, raunchy, comical, and surprisingly have some thought-provoking takeaways. In the first film, shortly before becoming Deadpool , Reynolds character explains that “Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness…” It was an insightful line. As much as most of us aim towards happiness, life can have moments that feel like an endless series of train wrecks with just “brief” breaks of happiness, which is why it’s important to really enjoy those happy moments. In Deadpool 2 , Reynolds character is faced with another tragedy and repeatedly tested to consider some...

  In Dante’s narrative poem Inferno there are nine circles of hell. Limbo, lust, gluttony, hoarders and spendthrifts, wrathful, heresy, violence, fraud, and treachery. After watching the recent season of 13 Reasons Why , I couldn’t help but contrast it with Inferno . Because for the teens in 13 Reasons Why , high school can feel like an unpleasant field trip through Dante’s nine circles. I was familiar with the show and its first season when the show’s narrator, Hannah Baker, ended her own life after enduring bullying from her cruel peers. But this second season had me thinking, is high school really this dark now? I hope it isn’t. Season two of 13 Reasons Why was darker than the first and painfully disturbing. I was disappointed with the things that happened, the conclusion, and the cliffhanger and I wonder if there’ll ever be salvation, justice, or peace for the show’s young teens and sadly, any teenagers dealing with the issues the show portrays, such as bullying, sexual assau...

On Friday’s I stay off social media to connect with God. I began doing this a few weeks ago and noticed that when I wasn't checking my phone or concerned with what anyone else was doing, God continually dropped things in my spirit and spoke to me in ways He's likely been waiting to do without the interference of social media in my life. God may be trying to get through to you too. Can you hear Him? I enjoy social media but I want all of my readers to know that while you’re scrolling through social media and see really great photos and different milestones in other peoples’ lives, understand there are always things happening that you cannot see. The people you think or perceive to have wonderful lives also have battles, challenges, and struggles that don’t always make it (and truthfully shouldn’t) to their social media accounts. The couple who are new homeowners could be struggling with their mortgage payments, the woman posting cute pictures of her newborn baby could be up all...

A lot of people tell me their secrets. They trust me. Because I’m a trusted confidant for a number of people, I turn to God, journaling, and writing to cope with this honored yet weighty task. Galatians 6:2 reads, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Being trusted with other peoples’ secrets demands a level of confidentiality that shouldn’t be betrayed. Although I’m a writer that aims to be as authentic and vulnerable as possible, I still have boundaries. So as long as no one else is being harmed, endangering others, or committing a criminal act, the secrets confided to me won’t be shared. I’ve seen and heard people break other peoples trust by going public with different things that should have remained private. I maintain that even if you’re no longer in good standing with someone who’s confided in you, you shouldn’t betray or hurt that person by telling their secrets. That’s wrong and you wouldn’t want someone to do that to you. In the p...

In some families, siblings don’t always get along. Some are estranged, barely keep in touch, and in extreme cases, may decide to part ways for good. Every family has its issues and challenges. But what causes this kind of strain? Could favoritism be one of the issues? I once heard that parents tend to take a liking to the child that’s most like them. Some may argue that in doing so, parents are essentially picking and favoring a child that’s their “favorite” over their other child and/or children. That can be problematic and painful. The roots of favoritism can breed resentment and unhealthy sibling rivalries. I witnessed this happen with my father and his sister and saw how it brought tension to their relationship. My grandmother (my father and aunt’s mother) tended to have a closer relationship with my father, which upset my aunt. She felt like their parents did more and invested more in my father and at different times, my father felt like his sister received more support than he d...

Her story was eerily familiar. “I’m not looking down on anyone or anything, but I’m not sleeping around, I pay my tithes, and I know God’s called me to see things through. And I’m dealing with all these demonic attacks and spiritual warfare on my job.” “I understand more than you know,” I replied. I met an incredible woman who was discouraged and frustrated. I knew her pain. I’ve lived it. And some days, I still do. It’s painful remaining faithful while frustrated. I could tell from speaking and praying with this woman that she was tired. She was aiming to live right and thought she wasn’t in place because of the circumstances and opposition she was dealing with. I don’t sleep around but have often been overlooked and passed over for other women who do, who haven’t sacrificed, don’t honor God, do right, or live right who are engaged, married, and starting families. I pay my tithes and give. And see people who don’t, that continue to prosper, even while their money is cursed. And I’ve ...

Despite any low or limited expectations different people in my life had in mind for me, I’ve managed not to settle. Although I know many who’ve settled, I never will. I have family who’ve settled. Friends. Acquaintances. And more. My refusal to settle in any area of my life has certainly caused doubts, fears, frustrations, uneasiness, challenges, and has required heavy patience on my end, however, I can’t bring myself to grow comfortable with accepting less and be content with doing so. That’s not me and I’ll accept nothing less. Because even when people tell me I should do things like, settle for guys I’m not attracted to or even like because they say I’m “getting older” and that “the older you get the harder it’ll be to meet someone…”, or to do online dating because people don’t meet people in person anymore, or to live with my parents instead of getting my own bachelorette pad, or to not browse an open house because I can’t “afford” to be a homeowner, or stay put and not travel and...

We would have been a cute couple but when I met his racist friend, I exited gracefully. And I’m good with that. I don’t need that stress in my life. I also didn’t want to have a conversation that went, “Hey, I think you’re great and I like you but your racist friend makes me very uncomfortable…” Passing on a guy who seemed cool at the moment was something I wrestled with, but life is too short to wrestle with that kind of uncertainty. Plus, I couldn’t ignore the confirmed evidence, reservations, and warnings from people who gave me a heads up. “I don’t know if you want to date someone white. Because even if he’s not racist, you know some of his family and friends might be.” I didn’t completely agree with that statement at first, but I started to wonder. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. It’s odd and scary, but truthfully not at all surprising, that race is still an issue for some people. And while I’m still open to dating across all kinds of racial lines, I don’t want...

I don’t miss being a teenager. It was a complicated and miserable time. Growing up, I was bullied from eighth grade and on/off again throughout high school. Originally my parents considered private schooling me, because, unlike most kids my age, I was   different . Different meaning socially awkward and unusually mature. To this day, I often feel like I’m 28 going on 50. I was surrounded around adults for a great deal of my life and didn’t really click with kids my age, so private school was a considerable move. However, my parents couldn’t afford it, so I had to go to public school. This may have been a blessing in disguise. I went to college with a lot of private schooled peers and one thing I quickly gleaned was that many of them collectively had three things in common: a lack of good social skills, being dangerously out of touch with reality, and condescending and privileged attitudes. Though public school was a challenge, I’m abundantly grateful for having had a humbling educ...

According to rainn.org one out of every six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Rape. It’s a scary word that’s become far too common in this day and time. Since news broke out in Hollywood around scandals involving numerous sexual assaults as well as with other predators in different workplaces and all over the world,  sexual assault  is no longer being tolerated. Although strides and resolutions have been made to prevent its casualties, it still appears there’s a long road ahead of ending it for good. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s challenging changing a culture even when something as tragic as rape is involved. When I’ve read and watched haunting stories about men and women who’ve been sexually assaulted, one common thing I’ve heard is what were they wearing? As ludicrous as that question must be for victims, what’s scary is the fact that the question is even presented at all. That question can be damaging to the...

Last night I sat on my bedroom floor in silence for almost two hours. I was feeling some kind of way. Angry. Frustrated. Sad. And disappointed. I got some news that sent me on an emotional downward spiral, ultimately causing a two hour relapse of sharing my unfiltered thoughts out loud, brutal honesty with God, and some social media snooping. Thankfully I was in the privacy of my bedroom, but prayer, pretending to be okay, and taking the high road wasn’t going to suffice. Not this time. I was alone with my thoughts. The news I got made me think of all the other times when unfair things happened. Then I went down the rabbit hole.... ·          God, this sucks. Come on, man. ·          Why me? ·          Why them? ·          Seriously, Lord? ·          My aunt was a good person. Wh...

Around this time last year myself and a number of my peers were decked out in our caps and gowns completing one season of our lives and stepping into another. I can’t believe it’s already been about a year since that time. My journey through college wasn’t an easy one, but I did it – I earned my B.A. in English. My degree arrived in the mail about a month later. Holding it in my hands was nice, and for a long time, I thought it would complete me. I quickly learned how silly it was to think such a thing. It’s even stranger to hear different college students claim that they’ll feel “complete” with a degree. Know this – a college degree is just a piece to an enormous puzzle in this thing called life. It’s a major accomplishment, but I promise you’ll do bigger and better things in this life. Especially if you’re one of those people who intends to leave your mark on this world. I’m blessed to have a degree, but a degree only has the value people put on it. I know what some of you might be ...

I don’t always respond to calls or text messages immediately. I’m not obsessed with having a man in my life, getting married, or having kids. I enjoy solitude and would rather be alone or with a small group of people than a huge squad. I’m bold and outspoken in my faith as a Christian. I enjoy saving money and don’t like wasting or overspending it. I’m into books, reading, and watching movies. And enjoy those things much more than going out.   I’d rather say “no” to things I have no interest in without guilt, apology, or an explanation. And I’m no longer apologizing for any of these things. Sorry, I’m not sorry. Here’s why… I don’t always respond to calls or text messages immediately because… unplugging is peaceful and necessary. A lot of people confide in me and come to me with their problems on a regular basis. I don’t think a lot of people get how heavy that weighs on me sometimes, which is why I stay away from my phone a lot. I’m one of those rare millennials’ t...