As we said our good nights, he handed me his phone. He didn’t ask for my number, but instead, my social media handle. Puzzled, I typed in my name and then gave him my business card (which had my number on it.) His reply? “Wow, you’re fancy.” A week went by and he never called or texted. But he did send a friend request. Maybe I missed something, but is this really what most guys are like now? I believe technology has socially handicapped too many guys. Don’t get me wrong, the guy I exchanged info with was cool. We had chemistry, great conversation, and he was nice. However, he could have just called or texted. Believe it or not, he wasn’t the first guy I had this kind of encounter with and I suspect he won‘t be the last. While I'm modern, I still admire some traditional approaches to dating and it's scary how much technology has impacted the game. I'm all for screening someone before you consider dating them, however, social media isn't always an accurate source to do so. There's nothing like in-person interaction. 3 ways technology is socially handicapping guys?
· They’re Not Assertive Enough – I’ve seen statistics indicating that most guys don’t mind when a girl makes the first move. I don’t mind doing that, but I prefer not to. I like being approached and pursued. Isn’t that the appeal of the chase? We’re making things way too easy for guys now, to the point that they don’t even make a move and expect girls to do it. Even worse, they’ve reduced flirting down to emojis and that heart button on Facebook. Come on, fellas. Ya’ll can do better than that.
· They’re Clueless – This year I met a guy I sensed wanted to ask me out, but he was overcomplicating things to the point of annoyance. He started off with, “Well, if you’re not doing anything, maybe we can…” He lost me at “Well, if you’re not doing anything...” First off, that showed a lack of confidence. He simply could have said, “Let’s get together sometime?” or “Can I take you out?” More importantly, he could have just got to the point. The shy thing used to be cute to me and now I find it a waste of time. He was being awkward and dragging things out. Who has time for that? And honestly, there’s nothing more attractive than a guy who knows who he is and what he wants. Confidence speaks volumes.
· They're Misinformed – I know social media is a way a lot of people get to know other people, but it's not always the best source. Sure, you can see what someone looks like (which is why I do headshots, full body shots, and use little to no filters so there’s an accurate portrayal of what I look like online and in person) but you don't get a real feel for what someone may be like offline. People embellish, use filters and straight up lie on social media, so why not be intentional about getting to know someone in person, instead? Do you believe technology is socially handicapping guys? Why or why not?
Bonus: Surfing Through Some Myths - During my time writing this piece I also thought about different myths single people are often told. Two that I've commonly heard is "Guys don't approach girls anymore" and "The older you get, the harder it is to meet someone." Please don't believe these myths. Confident guys will and still approach girls they’re interested in. I know this because I can count on my hand the number of times I’ve been approached by guys who were incredible (in the looks, personality, and spiritual department) who made the first move. In each situation, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. And the older you get, the more you know what you want, don’t want, and the non-negotiables you won’t settle for, therefore, eliminating dating or entertaining someone you’re not interested in. Being selective about who gets your time and attention is attractive and opens up the door for you to mutually connect with someone you’re truly interested in. Don’t believe the myths.