The Casualties of Settling

Despite any low or limited expectations different people in my life had in mind for me, I’ve managed not to settle. Although I know many who’ve settled, I never will. I have family who’ve settled. Friends. Acquaintances. And more. My refusal to settle in any area of my life has certainly caused doubts, fears, frustrations, uneasiness, challenges, and has required heavy patience on my end, however, I can’t bring myself to grow comfortable with accepting less and be content with doing so. That’s not me and I’ll accept nothing less. Because even when people tell me I should do things like, settle for guys I’m not attracted to or even like because they say I’m “getting older” and that “the older you get the harder it’ll be to meet someone…”, or to do online dating because people don’t meet people in person anymore, or to live with my parents instead of getting my own bachelorette pad, or to not browse an open house because I can’t “afford” to be a homeowner, or stay put and not travel and see more of this world, or to not pursue an English degree and settle for an Associate’s degree because a four year B.A. would take too long to complete, or that my writing is not “ready” to be shared with the world, or that I should remain at one job for the long haul for stability instead of aiming towards my dreams, I’ve heard all these things and yet, I continue to have faith, hope, and substance for things that appear out of reach that remain in my heart and spirit. Hebrews 11:1 reads, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Sometimes it’s tough, difficult, and discouraging but I won’t be a causality of settling. No one should. Even if you have to work harder, wait longer, fight for what you want, make different arrangements, cut people out of your life -- even well-meaning ones that continue to be discouraging, make new friends, date new people, start over, and shuffle some things around, you should never be okay with settling. I can testify that God’s shown me big things that will happen in my life and I’m looking forward to collaborating with Him and proving so many people wrong in the process. Family. Friends. And anyone else who’s ever insisted I do something as ridiculous as settling. Unlike settlers, I have the courage to hold out for the best. Do you?

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves