Making Waves

Comply and die. Resist arrest and die. Complicated, isn’t it? The relationship between much of Black America v. the current justice system and especially law enforcement is complicated. So much so, that it’s left many people divided on this controversial yet current issue. As a black woman, I’m very much aware of the hate, prejudice, racism, and police brutality that currently continues in our society, no matter how much some non-minorities express that it doesn’t and quickly dismiss that race and racism are often “exaggerated”, or that the Black Lives Matter movement is non-inclusive, which couldn’t be further from the truth. For the record, the Black Lives Matter movement doesn’t indicate that other lives don’t. Of course all lives matter. It’s crazy how that gets twisted. I didn’t realize how bad things were until July 2013, when George Zimmerman was found not guilty of the murder of 17-year-old teen, Trayvon Martin. Even more tragic than the murder and dismissal of that case, we...

Celebrate yourself and throw your own parties. Seriously. I’ve done it and it feels good. Too many of us wait until we “arrive” to what we’ve worked for and towards before we celebrate, only to briefly pause and go towards the next fleeting accomplishment or accolade. Why not celebrate yourself and where you are right now? No matter how minor or major your moves, you should be proud of yourself. For example, I’m single and making the choice to enjoy it and working on building my life in another direction. I don’t want to get married anymore and I’m not wasting the remainder of my 20s, future 30s and so forth waiting or praying for a husband to come along that may never come along. I’m living my life how I want to live it. That’s worthy of a celebration. I know other people who are starting new careers, relocating to new cities/states/countries, settling down, breaking up, and rebuilding their lives after major losses and tragedies. And all those things are worthy of celebration. How...

If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve attended an HBCU (historically black college or university.) More specifically, Howard University. I’m grateful to have had the college experiences I had, but I believe an HBCU would’ve been good for me. I would’ve been able to relate to my peers more, my dating prospects would’ve been lit, and I’d have another family outside my blood family that I’d be in touch with to this day. I attended three schools through undergrad: I had a brief stint at a community college and attended two Christian schools. I specifically chose a Christian college, even against warnings from others, because I wanted to be around other like-minded believers but what really happened was I got my naïve Christian bubble popped by the time I graduated. I was so naïve that I was practically dense when it came to Christian campus culture. The only difference between Christian schools and secular schools is that at secular schools most students and professors are just stra...

What’s on the inside really matters most, right? At least that’s what most of us are taught growing up. However, in this vain and superficial society, looks do matter. Even to those who aren’t vain or superficial. I’m not. But I know the truth. Some people are born beautiful and some aren’t. It’s just the way life works. And you likely know this too. And anytime you meet someone who’s been gifted in the looks, personality, and intellectual department? Consider yourself extremely blessed. You’ve officially spotted a rare species of human beings, complete with the almost perfect combination of wonderful genes, quality personality, and humble intelligence. Believe it or not, I’ve met these kinds of guys and sadly, a number of them have either been spoken for already or assumed I was spoken for and didn’t make a move #bummer. Anyways, while internals such as personality, how you treat others, and respect are important, I believe appearance matters as well. One of the first things people n...

You could be one meeting, one chance encounter, e-mail, phone call, or connection away from having your entire life changed in extraordinary ways. I've been writing for a long time and I can remember different times when I tried reaching out for different writing and publishing opportunities and kept getting rejection after rejection after rejection. I'd get discouraged and think maybe I wasn't meant to be a writer nor had what it takes to be a successful one. Then something wild happened. I started meeting different people and when they asked me what I did, I’d say, "I'm a writer." Suddenly, I’d find myself in touch with someone who knew someone, who knows someone else that's into writing and could help me get published. And that’s exactly what happened to me at the end of 2017. I was face to face with a published author who gave me all the information I needed to get published. See how God works? When I started taking more meetings I felt like, "W...

I was low-key miserable and resentful. And it was my fault. I was a people pleaser and my insecure need to be liked eventually started taking a toll. People tend to like you when you comply all the time, although I’ve learned, they usually don’t respect you once you become a doormat. What happens instead is you usually become the puppet to their puppet master and things can get complicated once you decide to snip the strings. I knew things were getting bad for me the moment I got anxiety about checking my phone out of fear of more growing requests for my time. I intentionally began avoiding it. How do I change this? I thought. Whenever a call or text came through I already felt myself dreading coming up with a response. For a very long time, I’ve struggled with telling people no and setting boundaries with my availability. Turns out, myself, and others I know have had a difficult time with these things too. When one of my friends referenced me as a people pleaser it put a bad taste ...

I believe many Christian communities and churches have failed singles. I could give a fake testimony about the blessings of Christian dating and singleness, but instead, I’ll be honest and testify to the fact that being a good girl, doing things the “right” way, and playing by the rules has practically gotten me nowhere. I haven’t met the right person or even come close to landing the one. I’ve casually dated, prayed, been patient, gave up, repented for giving up and prayed to keep the faith, read almost any and every book on singleness (even one about praying for your future spouse – which I shelved shortly after reading), encouraged other single women struggling through their own seasons, battles, and insecurities, and finally decided to take my life in another direction. Because, brutal truth? You can be as holy, pure, and as good as a Christian as you want and it still won’t guarantee a quality significant other or a significant other at all. At best, you’ll watch almost everyone...

Trials and tribulations happen to the best of us. But if I can keep it real, most of the time, many of us end up in messes of our own making. Which is why one of the things I find irritating, frustrating, and sometimes comical, is how some Christians (and occasionally non-Christians) retreat to the excuse that the “enemy” is attacking them or that it’s the enemy’s fault that they’re going through what they’re going through. But before you blame the enemy for your issues, let’s take some inventory of your choices, shall we? I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve made plenty of dumb decisions. I mean, really dumb. Stupid dumb. So dumb, that at the time I was convinced I was making sound decisions only because I convinced myself I was, even when there was so much evidence practically screaming, “What in the world is wrong with you, stupid?” Now that I’ve shared that, dear readers, please understand, it’s not the enemy’s fault when you do things like overspend or mishandle financial provis...

I repeatedly checked my phone for calls or text messages from “friends” to spend some time together. And there was nothing. No calls. Voicemails. Texts. Nada. Why does this keep happening to me? I make time for them and they won’t be flexible for me. Better yet, I see they’re on Facebook hanging with other people. No one invited me, though. I was lonely. Some of my friendships at the time, weren’t as deep as I thought and I was growing frustrated with loneliness. Instead of embracing it, I grew upset. Looking back, I wish I would’ve allowed myself to feel what I felt but to also keep moving and enjoy my own company, with or without the people I desired to spend time with. It didn’t hit me until much later that if I really wanted to go out and do different things I wanted to do, I could just do them on my own. In the past, I always waited on friends and others before I decided to go out. Even worse, I’d often decide to stay in and not go out, out of fear of being alone or looking like ...

Almost anyone can be a blogger. There are tons of things to blog about. I’m a writer and blogger and last summer, with nothing but time on my hands between job hunting, (and plenty of wallowing in self-pity while routinely watching The Fresh-Prince of Bel-Air reruns) I grew frustrated and felt drawn to do something creative. I could think of no better way than to build a platform for my writing through blogging. It’s only been a year but I’ve enjoyed sharing different content on Making Waves and having the opportunity to minister and connect with people through my stories. I’m abundantly grateful that God trusts me with this and even more touched by those who read the work and have even reached out to me about different pieces shared. As a writer, there’s nothing more touching than someone reaching out to you about how your words have expressed how they’ve felt. Honestly, I’ve been scared to share different things on this blog, but the stories I’ve been hesitant to share are usually...

“I just thought this was the end for me,” she said. I told her, “It’s just the beginning.” She was 25 and trying to go back to school. In the midst of her college comeback, she was delayed and unable to start when she wanted to. No one was helping her and she needed help and wasn’t receiving it. I could hear the hunger and tenacity in her voice and I wanted to see this girl win. I can remember being in the same place she was when I was 25. Trying to make a comeback into college. And many people in my life were discouraging about my decision to return to school. I would later learn that sometimes, when you step out to accomplish your goals and dreams, others may be jealous or even threatened that you have the courage to go for what you want despite setbacks and struggles. Especially if they’ve chosen not to progress in their own lives and remain mediocre. I had a choice. Stay small and regret not finishing school or go back and finish. I choose to finish. All while specifically being ...

I used to get upset whenever someone called me bougie. Now? I take it as a compliment. Especially since most of the time the word has been used towards me with the intent to be insulting. The Urban Dictionary definition of bougie describes bougie as “aspiring to be a higher class than one is…” Bougie is also often associated with words like “fancy”, “uppity”, and “classy”, all of which I’ve been called a handful of times. I’m also a Christian. Because of those two things, along with the fact that I’m a kind human being, are misconceptions that I’m “too nice” and won’t stand my ground, along with having the authenticity of my blackness constantly questioned. Ridiculous as it is, I’ve been dealing with these things for awhile. However, don’t let the bougie or Christianity fool you. Truthfully, I am a little bougie. I like nice things, enjoy being cultured, educated, and opening myself up to different and higher experiences and I sometimes wish my fellow brothers and sisters of ...