Surviving Christian College

If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve attended an HBCU (historically black college or university.) More specifically, Howard University. I’m grateful to have had the college experiences I had, but I believe an HBCU would’ve been good for me. I would’ve been able to relate to my peers more, my dating prospects would’ve been lit, and I’d have another family outside my blood family that I’d be in touch with to this day. I attended three schools through undergrad: I had a brief stint at a community college and attended two Christian schools. I specifically chose a Christian college, even against warnings from others, because I wanted to be around other like-minded believers but what really happened was I got my naïve Christian bubble popped by the time I graduated. I was so naïve that I was practically dense when it came to Christian campus culture. The only difference between Christian schools and secular schools is that at secular schools most students and professors are just straight up with how they are while at Christian schools things tend to be more masked. I’d been a Christian since I was seven years old but when college started, I was naïve to think I was walking into unbiased environments and really naïve being surprised and shocked when things like underage drinking, sexual promiscuity, homosexuality, racism, hatred, prejudices, and politics awaited me. I was 19. And an eager yet nervous and inexperienced college freshman who had the mindset, “This is a Christian school so everyone here is Christian too…” See what I mean about the naïve thing? Anyways, there were plenty of highs and lows. I learned there were many young women only at college for an MRS. degree, translation: in college to snag an engagement ring and future husband before graduation. I was once invited to try on wedding dresses for fun one weekend. Weird, right? I definitely declined. After all, I was only 19. I also learned of the closet racism on campus, strong dislike towards Barack Obama after his recent election win, and how things like interracial dating weren’t happening, which meant the guy I was crushing on at the time from my brother dorm was off limits. One of my friends at the time told me, “He doesn’t date black girls.” I and a small number of other black girls I met began to notice that trend more and more at social events when we were ignored by most of the male population (even the black guys) who weren’t checking for us. I coped with that and things were chill until I got paired with an alcoholic roommate (which was bizarre considering most Christian schools have a strict no drinking policy.) She and I tried to live in peace but ultimately we mixed as well as wearing flip flops in the winter. We didn’t pair well. One night she got drunk off campus and when another friend told me to tell my RA, I did. And when I didn't want to aid in helping my roommate escape or leap from the second-floor building we were living in, she threatened to kill me in my sleep. Because that was my first time seeing someone drunk, I actually believed her and spent the entire night fighting sleep and texting my parents, out of fear she’d do something to me in my sleep. She didn’t harm me and after my RA’s calmed her down and she gave her life to the Lord that night, she wasn’t expelled. To this day, I see how she finessed herself out of trouble and how everyone bought into the act she kept up. It’s wild but it happened. The girl had game. While I felt awful about what happened, I didn’t feel safe living with her anymore. I was told I could move out of the room and because the semester was close to ending, I stuck it out. Only until we got into another disagreement and she moved out. After she moved and told other people what happened, I was officially iced out by many of the other “Christian” girls I met and bonded with. I wasn’t equipped or mature enough to be her savior, which is what a lot of the girls suggested I be, but no one knew how bad things were behind closed doors. One higher up who was involved in student leadership at the time called me “selfish” for no longer wanting to live with my roommate. If you don’t know this, most OG Christians who are woke, know that some Christian leaders will try to use guilt as a manipulation tool to prove a point. I was too timid back then to clap back at that leader but ultimately, she wasn’t worth it. For a long time, guilt did weigh on me about my roommate and I being unable to live together but she needed help beyond my capabilities. Afterwards, the only girls that would talk to me were a few black girls I met on campus (who warned me about things like this) and a few other people in some of my classes. After that happened and because of money issues, I returned home and was in and out of a community college for a while. The people I met in community college were just passing through like I was, but what I can respect and appreciate about them was their authenticity. What you saw is what you got. No filter. Just unapologetic realness. Eventually, I transferred to another Christian school. I was 24. I didn’t stay on campus but was again about to be schooled on the realities of what awaited me. I adjusted to and endured the high expectations and rigorous requirements of my academics and even obnoxious comments about how my writing would do well in “urban” markets -- believe it or not, those words came out of the mouth of a former professor I had. She’s not black, so as educated as she was, I don’t know how she didn’t realize how offensive her comment was. But upon entry and shortly before graduation, I desired more than my degree. I also wanted to land a steady boyfriend and a close circle of quality friends. Both turned out to be embarrassing fails. The female population outnumbered the males, which meant my dating prospects were limited. I was older than many of my peers, including the guys, and while I met some younger guys who were cool and seemed interesting, they were also questionable. At the time I was open to dating younger, but I couldn’t ignore my spirit nagging with warnings of caution. I was specifically advised that dating could be problematic for me, because of my race, and because of the conservative and non-progressive climate of the culture. Although I’m liberal and progressive in different ways, I overlooked the startling reality that a lot of my peers were not. Most of the peers I met were either seasonal or fair-weathered friends and ultimately, my desire to be in a relationship and bond with lifelong college friends who could be in my once hoped for wedding someday was a no go. And I'm okay with that. Speaking out against ignorance, unshared political views, and pretending to ignore things that were bothering and frustrating me began to weigh on my spirit in ways that began prompting me to question my own Christianity and what it means to be a real believer. I’m happy to report I’m still saved, just not stupidly naïve anymore. I graduated with my undergraduate degree when I was 27. I can only dream about what attending an HBCU would’ve been like and if I could do things over, I would likely take that path. Much like the legendary character Neo that Keanu Reeves played in one of the most brilliant films of my adolescence, The Matrix, I’ve questioned much of what I’ve seen and now see there’s much more that lies beneath the surface. And I didn’t have to take a red or blue pill or speak with a guy named Morpheus to figure that out (if you’ve never seen The Matrix this won’t make sense until you watch it.) I’m still grateful, though. I survived school and that seven-year-old Christian girl and 19-year-old young woman I once was became less naïve and more #woke than ever.