I repeatedly checked my phone for
calls or text messages from “friends” to spend some time together. And there
was nothing. No calls. Voicemails. Texts. Nada. Why does this keep happening to me? I make time for them and they won’t
be flexible for me. Better yet, I see they’re on Facebook hanging with other
people. No one invited me, though. I was lonely. Some of my friendships at
the time, weren’t as deep as I thought and I was growing frustrated with
loneliness. Instead of embracing it, I grew upset. Looking back, I wish I
would’ve allowed myself to feel what I felt but to also keep moving and enjoy
my own company, with or without the people I desired to spend time with. It
didn’t hit me until much later that if I really wanted to go out and do
different things I wanted to do, I could just do them on my own. In the past, I
always waited on friends and others before I decided to go out. Even worse, I’d
often decide to stay in and not go out, out of fear of being alone or looking
like a loser for doing things solo. That was until I realized how to cope with
seasons of loneliness. Now, I enjoy my own company. And while I still deal with
loneliness sometimes, I’m discovering that when you’re on your own, you can
connect deeply with yourself and even go out and meet other people who are out
doing things alone too and connect with them. Imagine that?! I’ve noticed that
almost every season I’ve felt lonely, I was frustrated to the point where I’d
do something about it, and it usually involved ditching my comfort zone and
throwing myself into environments and activities where I was able to engage and
connect with other wonderful people, experiencing what I was experiencing. I’d
been praying to meet more like-minded people, cool guys to date, people to
fellowship with, travel with, go to movies with, brunch with, listen to live
music with, and more – the only problem was I needed to show God I was willing to do the work. Certainly, no one was going
to come knocking on my door asking, “You in there? I’ve been searching for you
all my life…” So I started stepping out. Having the faith to step out solo, led
to some incredible and divine connections, that otherwise wouldn’t have
happened if I stayed indoors whining about being lonely or waiting on the
people I’ve always spent time with to make time or have time for me. Each time
I stepped out I was nervous, scared, and incredibly uncomfortable. But my
uneasiness would calm the moment I met other people. With all the incredible
human beings on this planet, it’s comforting knowing that what you’re seeking
may be seeking you and has been waiting on you, in the right places, at just
the right time. Seasons of loneliness will come, and sometimes, you’ll have
moments where you’ll feel alone, but you’re not the only one. Spend that time
connecting with God, improving yourself, and have the courage to step out.
There are people waiting to meet someone as remarkable as you and can connect
and nurture the support you want and need, while enhancing your life, even if
it’s just for a season. What are you going to do about that? High Surf Advisory: Loneliness can also
make people do some unwise things. I’ve personally made plenty of dumb
decisions that stemmed from loneliness and I want to make sure others avoid
making similar mistakes. Poor decision making when it came to different guys,
poor choices in different friends I chose, bad spending habits that led to
debt, and more, are just a handful of choices I made during different seasons
of loneliness. Don’t let your loneliness guide you to make decisions that’ll
complicate your life, invite setbacks, or any other unnecessary stress. More
specifically, think about what you’re thinking about, motivated by, and the
spirit you’re operating in before you make a decision from a lonely place. I’ve
heard different people say things to me during their own seasons of loneliness,
such as…
I’m
afraid I’m going to end up alone.
I’m
tired of being single.
I
just want to be married.
I’m
the only person I know who doesn’t have kids.
I
just want to have a baby.
I’m
tired of waiting.
I
can’t stand this job. I quit.
I’m
tired of not having the friends and support I want. I’ll just chill with
whoever.
I’ve watched a lot of people
crash and burn from making decisions rooted in some of the thoughts I’ve shared
above. Don’t let loneliness or your impatience lead to impulsive and foolish
decisions. Again, spend seasons of loneliness bettering yourself and being
guided by God.