As I pulled out of the concert venue and drove in the direction that one of the parking lot staffers directed me to go towards, another staffer shouted out at me to stop. So when I saw a row of cones in the direction I was motioned to go, I stopped, turned my car around, and proceeded to head towards where I thought another exit was.
Before I could find a way out, an older white male officer approached the vehicle.
“What are you doing?” he asked me in a hostile tone.
“I’m just trying to leave,” I replied. “I went the way the dude up front told me to go and then somebody shouted for me to stop, so I turned around when I saw the cones. I didn’t see a way out past the cones.”
In an even more demeaning tone, he responded, “What do you mean you can’t see? All you have to do is go straight and take a left.” (Keep in mind that cones were blocking the direction he was referring to, and it was really dark out. I honestly couldn’t see an opening leading to an exit.)
As I responded, I just stayed calm. I know these situations typically don’t end well for people who look like me. Sadly, the media, world news, and history have repeatedly shown this to be true. So although this entire thing was a minor misunderstanding, I kept my cool.
My friend who was on the passenger’s side (who happens to be white – this detail will make all the difference as you keep reading) spoke as well and explained to him, “She just went the way she was told to go, and someone told us to stop. We’re just trying to leave.”
After my friend spoke up, the officer’s tone changed with her completely. His voice softened and he suddenly became more understanding and replied, “Oh, okay. It’s okay. Just turn around.”
As I turned the car around and left, my friend started apologizing. She could see the difference in how the officer spoke to me and how he spoke with her. “I’ve never had to experience that kind of treatment from an officer,” she replied. “But my eyes are open.”
“Yeah, well, I’m tired of these kinds of run-ins,” I replied. “But I’m not going to let an officer like him make me think that all officers or people who look like him are the same way.”
I can’t speak on behalf of all Black people in America, but I can say that the relationship between the police and Black people, in general, is very tense. And for valid reasons. My conversation with that officer wasn’t pleasant and the tone that he took with me was disrespectful and unnecessary. But he treated my friend with respect. Even she couldn’t deny what had happened.
From a Christian standpoint and as a Black woman, I can clearly see the enemy moving. And as hard as it is to deal with stuff like this, I’m not taking the bait. I’ve got too much to lose.
Am I tired of moving through stuff like this, though? Absolutely. But here we are.
The day before this incident happened, an irate white woman was blowing her horn behind me in traffic, talking trash, and throwing her hands up while I was trying to drive. I rolled my window down, and after we locked eyes and she continued to fuss, I rolled my window back up and let it go. About three days before that incident, a white guy who was driving too close behind me in traffic slammed directly into the back of my car when I stopped at a red light. And although I was upset and a bit shook up, I stayed calm. He seemed irritated and didn’t make eye contact or communicate with me at all. Instead, his pregnant wife, who was on the passenger side, got out to see if I was okay as we sorted things out. No one was hurt, and the car damages were minimal, which was good. Especially since things could have been worse. I’m just glad we were all okay.
In less than a week, these things have happened. Along with some other unpleasant experiences I’ve been moving through quietly in this season. And as I’ve been actively praying and working on myself, I’ve been doing my best to exercise the fruits of patience and self-control. It’s not easy, but I’m trying. After the incident with the officer, I received a text from my friend who was with me that night that read:
I’m so sorry for how that cop spoke to you. It wasn’t called for or right. It’s not fair. I’ve never had to worry about driving at night, but it’s a concern for many. I’m sorry.
She doesn't have anything to be sorry for. But I at least have comfort in knowing that someone who doesn't look like me understands.