My former colleague who also happens to be brilliant, beautiful, and very intelligent – this girl has multiple college degrees under her belt, a solid and impressive resumé, and can hold herself down on her own, once told me that a former Black manager where we worked told her, “It took me a long time to get where I am, and you’re not going to get this position.” Read that again. What’s crazy is that my colleague wasn’t even checking for her manager’s position. She also mentioned that she was once addressed about her choice of clothing after concerns about her “shape” became a problem. Mind you, my colleague had a fabulous figure, so clearly jealousy from other women in our department was the underlying issue. But anyway. It’s just mad sad to encounter anyone, especially other women, especially other Black women, who are haters who also have a crab mentality when it comes to opportunities in and outside of the workplace. Unfortunately, some people don’t think there’s enough room for everyone to succeed. So, those same people who feel threatened do everything they can to try and discourage anyone they perceive as a threat. I’ll never understand it, but again, it happens. I went on to ask my former colleague, “How do you handle dealing with something like that?” Then she replied, “Well, I’ve gotten it from both sides.” And I knew exactly what she meant. As we both swapped our stories and experiences, I listened as she offered me some pointers on how to deal, but despite the received and much-appreciated advice, it still doesn’t soften the reality of “getting it from both sides.” If you are a Black professional, not only are you tasked with the pressure of working twice as hard to be and stay on your A-game, but you will inevitably walk into rooms and sit at tables filled with people who don’t know you, who will quickly form impressions about who they think you are and won’t like you the moment they see you. Others will insinuate that you’re unqualified to be where you are, and as far as I’m concerned, people like that aren’t worth wasting your energy on. What’s odd and painful is receiving the same treatment from those who share the same race as you. I’ve found that being the change you wish to see, being cordial to everyone, and keeping things moving works best. The older I get, the more I’m learning to focus on what does and doesn’t matter. There are certain things I just don’t have time for anymore.
No matter what experiences come your way, I hope you get into the habit of shifting your focus, so you don’t get distracted by people and things that try to strip you of your peace and joy. You’ve got stuff to do, so keep it moving. You’ve got this.