I was recently reminded of this after visiting my PCP (primary care physician) for my annual physical. I was informed that I was healthy and taking good care of myself and was reminded of important areas to focus on while nearing my mid-30s and eventually approaching my 40s. I left my appointment feeling fine and content. Then later, I began thinking about aging and different women I know already in their mid-30s (and some who are right at 40) who are disappointed about getting older and others who are bitter about the current state of their lives.
These different women I know, who I think are some of the most brilliant, beautiful, and intelligent women I’ve ever met, are successful in individual ways but have expressed how lonely, frustrated, and upset they’ve been about not ending up with men they thought they were going to settle down with, having to forfeit on having children because of factors like age, health risks, or fertility challenges, and being repeatedly overlooked in their workplaces when it comes to recognition for their hard work and being unchosen for promotions. While I can’t relate to every situation some of them have gone through (and are actively moving through), I do understand how years and years of things not turning out like you hoped and prayed can cause someone to grow bitter.
I struggled a lot in my 20s with finishing college, trying to establish myself professionally, and wrestled with wanting a serious relationship and eventually a spouse and family of my own. When I turned 25, and none of those things were coming together, I got frustrated, sad, and angry. Especially when other women around me had already had their degrees, were beginning their careers, and getting engagement rings and husbands. It was hard to watch and experience from the outside looking in. I don’t recall growing bitter back then, but I did struggle sometimes. As a faithful Christian woman who was committed to my walk with God and doing things His way, I couldn’t wrap my mind around why things seemed harder for me and why I constantly felt delayed and denied.
However, things began to shift after I turned 30.
My 30s have felt like my “getting established” decade. After I finished school (in my late 20s), landed my first career opportunity as an academic advisor (for three years), started getting published writing opportunities, made a career shift, and went back to school again to become a licensed English teacher, increased my salary, bought a house, adopted a pup, and tried dating again (only to run into a handful of guys who either aren’t ready to settle down yet, are starting families with nightmare women, or who prefer ghosting vs. being upfront about being disinterested), I’m now in a space where I’m embracing my single girl era and actively praying that I don’t grow bitter. My aim is to remain thankful for what I do have instead of lamenting over what I don’t.
I believe God is faithful, but I also understand that sometimes life’s not always fair. Truthfully?
Thots get engagement rings and husbands.
Bogus colleagues get awards and promotions.
Horrible women have healthy pregnancies and babies.
And the list could go on and on…
It’s just important not to grow bitter. Bitterness will rot and ruin you. If you’re a woman struggling with bitterness right now, I want to encourage you not to stay there. Life may not have gone in the direction you imagined, but don’t let bitterness poison you. Perhaps God is working on something bigger than what you can see right now. Even as you move through singleness, loneliness, heartbreak, confusion, barrenness, unfair promotions, and provocations from different men and women in your life, don’t get bitter, sis. I'll continue praying for you. You've got this.