And though I’ve seen and experienced the benefits of great relationship building, unfortunately, there have been times when some students and parents have not been receptive or interested in my efforts to establish connections that would best serve all parties involved. I’ve also noticed and shared spaces with other educators, school counselors, and administrators who’ve experienced the same. And I can’t help but wonder what one in the education field is to do when challenged with different parents who promptly attack and shift blame on teachers, school counselors, and administrators when their child is at the center of a behavior issue, poor academic performance, or is struggling to socially adapt with their peers.
It’s been equally flooring being blindsided with emails, phone calls, and requests to attend parent-teacher conferences by different parents who demand their child’s grades be changed (when their graded assignments haven’t been turned in) and to maintain a calm composure when insulted by parents who believe teachers, school counselors, and administrators are at fault when their child chooses not to adhere to classroom expectations, isn’t meeting grade-level expectations, doesn’t submit their work on time…or at all, may be facing the possibility of failing for the school year and need to attend summer school, or is facing a suspension, and in some cases, expulsion, for violating a school-wide or district-wide policy.
For the most part, I’ve always maintained great relationships with my students parents and have had very few issues. At the beginning of each school year, I always call to introduce myself, and additionally, provide my contact information to remain in touch if and as needed. If I notice a student isn’t doing well, I’m proactive about it. I actively reach out and contact parents and guardians about any rising behavior issues, low academic performance, or anything else that may need to be addressed. Because I understand the benefit of getting in front of a rising issue that could cause more issues down the line if not addressed. And this strategy has been beneficial with earning the respect and trust of my students and their parents/guardians.
But despite my proactive efforts, there have definitely been times when I’ve reached out and been ignored, received lengthy and outrageous emails that I was advised to stand down from responding to when a parent was upset, and more. On one occasion, a school counselor once called my classroom when I was directly in the middle of teaching a lesson because an irate parent wanted to speak with me immediately (instead of scheduling a conference) because her teen was failing. Apparently, I was responsible for this. Which was bizarre considering I had reached out to this parent multiple times months before to discuss her teen’s status.
This parent claimed that I assigned her teen multiple assignments at the last minute, didn’t let her know she had missing work, and gave her only one day to have everything submitted before the end of the grading period. As the parent ranted loudly in my ear, I stayed calm and listened. When I was able to speak, I provided clarity and the exact dates and times I reached out to her and her teen, in addition to time-stamped emails with specific and detailed instructions for her to complete her missing work and to attend my Wednesday Working Lunch sessions exactly 14 days prior to the time the claim was being made that I never communicated and set an expectation for multiple missing assignments to be due overnight… #makeitmakesense.
Before that incident, there was another parent who sent a heated email my way (that was about the length of an English essay) regarding issues her teen was having with adapting socially. She explained that she wouldn’t tolerate other students making her teen feel inadequate or insecure about herself. When I was able to get more context about the situation, provide some insight, and get school counseling involved, I promptly received an apology email from the parent once she had more information about what was really going on… #makeitmakesenseagain.
Since I’ve started teaching, I’ve noticed that the climate of teaching appears to have shifted drastically. Mainly because for some reason, some people believe that teachers are responsible for tasks and duties that go beyond teaching. Which is a problematic belief and unrealistic expectation to set, have, or attempt to maintain. Primarily because a teacher’s responsibility is to teach. Not to parent. Not to babysit. And not to reinforce behaviors and practices that need to take place at home first.
For example, I can stand in front of my classroom every day and tell my students that they’ll become better writers if they read regularly. However, I can’t force them to read. Especially if reading isn’t a regular thing they’re not prompted or encouraged to do outside of school. Regular reading is a practice that an adult in the home would need to reinforce (and likely model) for it to really stick. The same goes for teaching teens to be responsible, respectful to others and themselves, being diligent about getting their work done, actively being accountable for themselves, and more. Again, these are things that need to be taught at home instead of an expectation being set for everything to fall on educators.
That said, is it fair to blame teachers, school counselors, and administrators for behaviors and challenges that should be handled at home?
Other educators I know have expressed frustration, fatigue, and disappointment when they too have found themselves on the receiving end of being dragged by a parent via email, over the phone, or in person about things that need to be taken care of at home. And though it can be tough, I often encourage my colleagues to set and maintain healthy boundaries, remember why they chose teaching, and to know the difference between what’s their responsibility and what isn’t.
Effective communication, solid classroom management, and creating a safe and effective learning environment are things I can offer and provide as an educator. But respectfully, I can’t make a student show up, make them turn in their work when they choose not to do it or won’t, or change the minds of every student and parent I encounter. Those are things often beyond my control. You can’t make someone like you or respect you. And you can’t make someone do the right thing. They must want to do the right thing and want what’s best for themselves first. I’ll always show up and do my best, but I understand that I can only make the deposit. It’s up to the students and their parents to collaboratively cash in on it. The reality is that teachers are teachers. And it is our duty to teach and to strive to get students where they need to be academically. If we all do our part and do what we’re supposed to be doing, I sincerely believe things will fall in place just fine. And as the teens of today say, that’s on period.