One morning, I was approached by two of my brightest work teenagers who wanted my help passing a letter on to a peer one of them had a crush on. These girls were friends filled with joy, anxiousness, and eagerness about this letter making it to the intended recipient.
First, can we celebrate the fact that letter writing is still happening? I love that it’s not an extinct practice.
As I took in the details shared with me, I thought it was an adorable move, and I couldn’t help but notice how much these girls reminded me of myself when I was navigating my first crushes at their age: excited, awkward, and nervous.
Even when my attempts to reach out were almost always unrequited.
My work teenager with the crush was on her second letter to a boy who hadn’t responded to the first one she wrote. She’s a bright, beautiful, and kind young woman with a heart of gold, and as much as I was rooting for her, I also felt bad for her.
Because as amazing as she is, the guy she likes isn’t interested... and probably won’t be. It’s likely that she won’t run into a guy who can truly appreciate her until much later in life.
She’s going to be a late bloomer.
Many of the guys around her age, including her crush, are incredibly immature and are often into girls who wear fake eyelashes, crop tops, celebrate promiscuity, and feel the need to always be the center of attention.
She’s the complete opposite.
My work teenager is very sweet, reserved, and respects herself. She’s an avid reader, a determined learner, and wise beyond her years. She also has no clue how extraordinary she is. Late bloomers usually aren’t as self-aware since their moments to shine come later in life than expected. After I found out her second letter was ignored, I sent a quiet prayer up for her. I prayed that she would guard her heart, and that God would cover her. Because being a late bloomer can be tough to manage. There’s no manual or playbook that helps much except for life experience.
It can be hard, frustrating, and incredibly lonely.
Especially when other people around you are constantly moving forward. Whether you’re a teenager navigating early crushes and traditional coming-of-age “firsts”, a twenty-something-year-old stumbling through a decade that may not unfold as you expected, or a thirty-something-year-old cast in a lifelong supporting role to the leads in your life moving through love, marriage, and baby carriages, it’s a lot to process.
Experiencing traditional firsts later in life is something I’m very familiar with. When I was a teenager and even a twenty-something, I was a rule follower. I wasn’t getting involved in some of the things many friends and peers I knew were. I didn’t do drugs. I didn’t drink until I turned 21 (apparently everyone else around me had been drinking way before then). And I dated very little. The guys I liked never liked me or were interested, and some of them had even hooked up with some of my friends, which was painful to learn about.
When I did get into a brief but steady dating rhythm in my late twenties and early thirties, I felt so behind and could tell that some of the guys I’d been involved with didn’t have the patience or desire to navigate the “this is all so new to me” experiences I was learning. Doing things the Christian way wasn’t popular or well-received to anyone who didn’t have the same lifestyle I did… even with guys who claimed their lifestyles were the same but operated in ways that sent conflicting messages. I did notice how different young men and women I grew up in church with were also making compromises that got them who and what they wanted. But I never felt good about going that route.
I used to think that if you did things in life the way God instructed, surely things would work out. However, now that I’m in my mid-thirties, I’ve often questioned and wrestled with this mindset.
Late bloomer life can come with a lot of unanswered questions and complexities that make you wonder if all the delays, denials, and sacrifices were worth it. You can never get the time back you no longer have, which can bring feelings of resentment sometimes. I’ve actively prayed and worked on not becoming bitter.
On the other hand, I understand that just because you obtain or experience something later in life, doesn’t make it any less meaningful. I would have preferred to have some stuff crossed off my list sooner rather than later. But it is what it is.
I’ve often heard, “You’re still young” and “You have plenty of time…”
But do I?
My incredible work teenager is going to go far in life, but inevitably, she’ll likely blossom later when it comes to dating and other milestones young women move through. I hope she, the other teenage girls like her, and the rising twenty and thirty-something-year-olds understand that there’s nothing wrong with them. It’s just that when you choose to carry yourself differently, the path in your life will be significantly different too.