Especially when it comes to interacting with people who don’t have children. Normally, I’ve held my peace with this and felt the need to solely address women when it comes to this topic, but lately this is a message that men can benefit from too. Stop saying stupid stuff to people who don’t have children.
I know this might be a difficult task for those of you who are nosey, have concerns that have nothing to do with you, or may be unhappy in your own life, but stop with the questions, jokes, and reckless comments. Even if you believe you’re being funny, making conversation, or coming from a genuine place, you’re honestly out of line. Because someone not having children and why is none of your business.
I don’t have children, and I honestly don’t know if I will, but as a woman, I’m good with my life either way. I’ll always be grateful for what I have instead of lamenting about what I don’t. Which is probably why getting older and possibly forfeiting on what was once a traditional milestone for many isn’t something that scares me or makes me sad. Recent studies and new reports claim that birth rates are declining in the United States, so families aren’t necessarily being started at the capacity some people would have you believe.
This is why social media, uneducated experts, cult-like religious organizations, and misinformation from unreliable sources aren’t as reliable as they appear.
Insisting that those of us who are childless are sad, selfish, missing something, not at peace, are lonely, are aggressive feminists, or are gay (I’m straight but have had my sexual orientation questioned, being childless over the age of thirty) because we don’t have children are assumptions that can be tough to navigate. The audacity coming from those who are parents, distant relatives, family friends, colleagues, internet trolls hiding behind smartphones and computers, and even evil Peninnah women and Handmaid’s Tale behaving men who claim they’re Christians but are comfortable terrorizing someone for having different life circumstances and choices is unbelievable. How dare any of you? Also, who exactly do you think you are?
You don’t know everyone’s background, situations, health barriers, or economic standing. So, think before you speak, post on social media, or try to use scripture to impose your will onto someone else’s life. My desire has been to have a God-centered marriage first and then start a family; however, crossing paths with a compatible partner has been a challenge that’s taken longer than I could have ever anticipated. And because I won’t settle for less and bring a child into the world with just anyone, I’ve continued enjoying my life, my calling, my time, relationships, and resources in ways that align best for me. I understand this is something that looks different for everyone, but no matter how different someone else’s path looks, think before you speak or judge.