Today’s current dating climate is bizarre. It’s grown so bizarre, that men barely, if ever in some cases, will approach a woman in person and ask her out on a date.
Instead, the new normal has become DM sliding, creeping on social media accounts, and liking photos to build romantic connections, which honestly doesn’t sound too romantic or appealing to me at all. As a child of the 90s and a teenager of the early 2000s, I miss and prefer the time when men interacted with women without hiding behind technology. There was something special about handwritten cards and notes, thoughtful dates, serendipity, and intentionality.
After having some unpleasant encounters, embarrassing moments, and failed set ups (from well meaning people who believe I need to be partnered), I’ve decided, that now, at 36, to choose me. I’m ditching dating and decentering men. I’m no longer interested in meeting anyone, dating, or creating space to prioritize a relationship. I’ve never been a male-centered woman anyway, and while I don’t hate men, I’ve just been tired of experiencing encounters that end up going nowhere, or don’t launch to begin with.
I value myself and my time too much.
This really hit me when a guy I hadn’t seen in years reached out to me via Instagram. He asked about catching up over a date, and when I checked in with myself about it, I realized I wasn’t truly interested in him or anyone. Not even enough to commit to a date. I’ve been there and done that, and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I prefer enjoying my own company and I love it. I also enjoy my career opportunities, my beautiful home, spending time with my dog, and my family and friends.
This isn't something I’m sad, mad, or bitter about, and when I talked to my mother about this, she insisted that I be open to changing my mind. And while things could change, I feel settled about where I’m at with this. I’ve been blessed with an amazing life, and while I’ve been back and forth with God about this too, it’s well with me. I don’t need a partner to feel whole. And at this point, it would take a major God move for me to change my mind – especially with the way many of these men are operating.
I get that no one’s perfect, because I know I’m not, but many women, especially women who were raised in religious environments, are essentially trained from birth, to prepare for spouses, make themselves presentable for the male gaze, be excited about being “chosen,” and to wait forever for a ring that we could go out and purchase ourselves. So, is dating really necessary?
I don’t feel like women who don’t end up with anyone are any less than women who do or are the threat some groups make them out to be. And while I’m not hating on women who are partnered, some of those women aren’t good people and are deeply unhappy.
I would just caution any woman feeling down, or behind in life, or who’s wasting time comparing, to spend time building a life that’s a good fit for you. You are the main character in your story, and you get to decide how you want to live it. Not your family, your friends, society, or strangers on the internet who don’t know a thing about you.
PS – You don’t have to say yes to dates you don’t want to go on or feel obligated just because someone asks. If you’re not interested, that’s your choice, and don’t feel bad about it.