Making Waves

I’ve met a lot of single women who feel guilty about putting themselves first. A lot of them allow pressure from their families, friends, jobs, careers, or others to control and dictate how they should live their lives and spend their time. I often challenge that. Unapologetically. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first. It’s not selfish. I believe most single women are some of the most selfless people on the planet. Many are involved in community and volunteer activities, mentorship, occasional stand-in babysitters when available, take care of their parents, donate time and money to good causes, and show up for the other bachelorettes in their lives. And just because you’re single doesn’t mean your time or well-being isn’t important too.  Sometimes you should put yourself first. How do you do so?   Say No (Without Explaining Yourself).  You can say no to certain requests that demand your time or energy. And you can do so without explaining you...

In the 2013 film  The Wolf of Wall Street,  Leonardo DiCaprio plays an unforgettable stockbroker named Jordan Belfort who enjoys making a lot of money. The film is highly controversial (and in my opinion should’ve been an Oscar win for him. Some of his performances have been way underrated. He’s an incredible actor…) yet the film opens the door for a great conversation about the correlation between money and happiness and how far some people will go to achieve both. In the film, there were a few lines that struck me as interesting and one, in particular, was about what money can do for people: “You see money doesn’t just buy you a better life…” A better life. Is that all money does? Or does it go deeper than that? In  The Wolf of Wall Street  money does buy Jordan Belfort a better life to an extent, but his excess eventually catches up with him and lands him in jail. It almost seemed as more was never enough. He had everything he wanted and more. Although ...

Amazing food paired with great wine is fabulous. A month ago, I had the chance to dine at Mermaid Winery and it was wonderful. Everything was amazing. The food, customer service, atmosphere, and of course the wine too. There was one wine in particular called “Sweet Kisses” that was unforgettable. I highly recommend dining at this location with family, friends, for date nights, or celebrations.  If you’re in the Hampton Roads area and looking for a great place to chill, go to Mermaid Winery. Do something fun this weekend and enjoy yourself. TGIF! 

Almost every workplace has its Regina George’s, Cady Heron’s, and maybe even some Glen Coco’s. These are all characters from the cult classic  Mean Girls.  If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll catch on to this post quickly. If not, watch it. It’s a funny and slightly dark comedy. Anyways, during my time in the working world, I’ve noticed a disturbing occurrence and increase of mean women in the workplace. I’m amazed that this is something that doesn’t seem to escape the world of girls and women. In almost every work setting I’ve been in, I’ve seen women pretend to be cool with different co-workers and trash those same co-workers behind their backs. I’ve also seen different women, younger and older, nastily compete with each other, be cruel and cold, step on others to get ahead, participate in hurtful gossip, take cheap shots at other women, and even make other women cry. This isn’t normal. It’s unacceptable behavior but it’s common. I’ve watched mean women get ahead, and it’s s...

Every so often, a  rare breed of poets takes this world by storm. They write with such rawness and passion that you can’t help but feel their words come to life on paper. I’ve dabbled with this particular style of writing but been far from mastering it. Poetry is not easy to write. It takes lots of practice, skill, and tremendous amounts of vulnerability. I’m always in awe of poets who can do all three naturally. Especially ones who create and express themselves boldly, fearlessly, and authentically. Two poets I’m really feeling right now who are doing big things are Rupi Kaur and Amanda Lovelace. These young women are fire. The words they’ve written speak to the soul and are a source of healing, realness, and courage, particularly for women. I love that they don’t hold back and whether you’re into poetry or not, these young women are poets to pay attention to. Check out their work. 

I’m a huge fan of brunch. I love it. Who wouldn’t? It’s amazing! During the holidays I had the chance to grab some fresh brunch at a location called First Watch. It’s a new restaurant in the Hampton Roads area and it’s chill, fresh, and delicious. The location is cozy, the customer service is warm and friendly, and the prices are excellent. If you’re looking for a great place to eat, check out First Watch .  Do something fun this weekend and enjoy yourself. TGIF! 

Jesus was the original OG. He saved lives, performed miracles, flipped a table over in a temple, and literally sacrificed his life in a painful and gruesome death on the cross to save humanity. And guess what? He was often criticized, eventually lied on, utterly humiliated, and unsupported by people who originally raved about him and different things he did. If this happened to him, some of the most creative, influential, and talented people walking this earth will likely experience being criticized and unsupported at different points too. I often see frustrations about this in my social media newsfeed from a handful of people actually doing productive things with their gifts and talents, who feel unsupported by people who could and should support what they’re doing. Especially people who know about them. Matthew 13:57 reads, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.” Jesus was not always supported. Even when he was doing dope things. You won’t alwa...

Some churches and Christians hurt more people than they help them. I’ve never agreed or been a fan of religious people trying to force their views on myself or others. It’s an unwise and ineffective approach. I’ve especially been annoyed anytime anyone has tried to force their will on me or what they  claim  God’s will is regarding my life. Smart Christians know there’s a lot of false prophets in this world, so it’s important to be careful about who you listen to and allow to access you. I’ve been a Christian since I was seven and grew up in a home with parents heavily involved in ministry so I can discern what’s spiritually sound and what’s not. I know how damaging some religious people can be, especially those who carry on as religious rapists. They’re often controlling, manipulative, legalistic, and do and say things that don’t make sense or using scripture to justify their own rules or some rules their pastor may have put in place, all while trying to force their views ...

Last month I had the chance to visit Back Bay's Farmhouse Brewery. It’s a super chill place to grab a drink, a little something to eat, and a good time. I went with a friend of mine one evening and had a blast indulging in some delicious drinks and tasty treats from a nearby food truck. The farmhouse was cute and cozy, and the customer service was great too. The outdoor firepits helped keep outdoor visitors warm and added something special to the ambiance of the location. If you’re in the Hampton Roads area and looking for a great place to chill, go to Back Bay's Farmhouse Brewery. Do something fun this weekend and enjoy yourself. TGIF! 

Racist people don’t like being called  racist . It’s odd. But then, so is racism. It should be called out every time it happens. I’m a minority, and an often stereotyped one at that, so experiencing racism isn’t something new to me. I’ve been called a  nigger.  To my face and behind my back. I’ve been warned not to speak up about certain things to avoid being coined an  angry black woman  but watched as non-minority women who’ve spoken up or flipped out about different things get support and sympathy when vocalizing their frustrations. I’ve endured race jokes from non-minorities and said nothing. I’ve been iced out, ignored, and given the silent treatment whenever I’ve tried to bring innovative and creative ideas into meetings and settings where I was the only black person at the table. I’ve been dismissed and deemed unqualified for different opportunities I worked hard for and just knew I’d be great for, and watched people less educated and unqualified not o...

Having a foundation with God at the center of your life is important. Personally, keeping Him first helps me keep a good grip and balance on my own life, especially when things seem off and challenging. Deepening your relationship with God is beneficial and can help you find peace, gain wisdom, clarity, and more when you get still and get to know Him better. Three ways to deepen your relationship with God?  Get Still.  Psalm 46:16 reads, “Be still and know that I am God.” This is probably the most important because it sets the tone for prayer and studying His word. I work full time. I also write and blog on a regular basis, workout, go to church, mentor, and do my best to juggle spending time with my family and friends in between everything else I've got going on. I prioritize getting still because it’s hard to hear God in the midst of all those things happening all the time. Someone’s always calling me, texting me, wanting to chill, and when I’m not writing, I’m u...

I’m not a parent and I don’t have kids. For a long time, I was certain I didn’t want to be a mom. Ever. I’m doing my own thing right now and thoroughly enjoying being my own woman but when I get to the point when I’m ready to expand my life a little more, I know I can pursue it. I’m in no rush but lately, this has been something on my mind. Whenever someone has randomly told me, “You’re going to be a great mom” or “You’re going to fall in love with someone and have a baby” or excitedly asked me if I was hype to have a child, I’d abruptly changed the subject, flat out say no, or “I’m not ready for that.” A guy I used to talk to even asked me about having one even though we weren’t seriously involved. Which says a lot about the state of today’s youth and young adults. I’ve observed that more and more millennials are into having kids with someone without a serious commitment, which is slightly unsettling. I was raised very traditional, super Christian, and grew up with married parents ...

Gabrielle Union is amazing. Really, she is. I’ve been a fan of her and her work for a long time, and when I learned she had a memoir dropping I was hype. Her collection of stories about her life,  We’re Going to Need More Wine  has been out for a while and I bought it as soon as it released. Although I've read it cover to cover, I've occasionally dived back into it for some insight from time to time. It's so good. You may want to grab a glass of wine while reading about her interesting, relatable, and incredible life and career. Her stories make you feel like she’s a close girlfriend you’re having an unfiltered girl chat with, which is rare these days since so many people (especially women) claim to be  real but are either fake or too afraid to share stories that can help encourage, inspire, and uplift themselves and others .   What I admire most about Gabrielle is her candidness and willingness to be upfront, honest, unapologetic, and ope...

While anyone employed is blessed to have a job and/or career opportunity, many people dread going to work because of an alarming thing called workplace bullying. It’s an unfortunate thing happening in different companies, organizations, and businesses and sadly is something many employees are afraid to speak up about or report or fight. I’ve experienced it in past positions and was scared I’d get in trouble or worse, fired, if I shared that a higher up or another employee did or said something that made me feel uncomfortable or seemed unethical and unprofessional. I once had a supervisor insult me and call me out of my name in front of another co-worker. On another occasion a manager once inquired about my love life, even going as far as making inappropriate sexual remarks and jokes – that particular incident was humiliating but I didn’t report the person even though another colleague at the time encouraged me to do so. A past irate and aggressive co-worker once invaded my personal ...