I’m not a parent and I don’t have kids. For a long time, I was certain I didn’t want to be a mom. Ever. I’m doing my own thing right now and thoroughly enjoying being my own woman but when I get to the point when I’m ready to expand my life a little more, I know I can pursue it. I’m in no rush but lately, this has been something on my mind. Whenever someone has randomly told me, “You’re going to be a great mom” or “You’re going to fall in love with someone and have a baby” or excitedly asked me if I was hype to have a child, I’d abruptly changed the subject, flat out say no, or “I’m not ready for that.” A guy I used to talk to even asked me about having one even though we weren’t seriously involved. Which says a lot about the state of today’s youth and young adults. I’ve observed that more and more millennials are into having kids with someone without a serious commitment, which is slightly unsettling. I was raised very traditional, super Christian, and grew up with married parents so my perception of things was held to a different standard. I do understand that’s different for everyone, though. Things happen and things change. It’s recently occurred to me that I can become a mom whenever I want and don’t necessarily need a guy or serious relationship or husband to become one. To a degree, I’m already used to some things being way unconventional for me so having a child through adoption (which has low key been something I’ve been weighing for years) or via surrogate or in the form of being a stepmother wouldn’t be shocking at all. If I do become a mom, I anticipate it happening one of those ways. I’m not opposed to having a baby the old-fashioned way, but I’m also not waiting on the ideal guy to come along either, so I’m fully aware of my options. I don’t think a lot of women, especially single women, get that they too have options to become moms whenever they’re ready. Think about it. Whenever you’re ready or want to be a mom you can do the following:
Adopt. You can give a child or many children a great home and life. Plus, you can maintain your incredible figure in the process. I mean this in the most non-superficial way, but I’m really into taking care of my body, fitness, eating well, and looking and feeling great. I’ve seen how babies can significantly do a number on the body. Some women snap right back afterward and others don’t. Either way, adoption is a beautiful thing and would be an exciting journey.
Seek A Surrogate. I’ve read, researched, and listened to different stories about women and couples who’ve had children via surrogate and/or gone through the process of IVF (in vitro fertilization) and freezing eggs and embryos. There’s so much information about these processes that I don’t completely know everything about, but I do know they’re expensive and can be a challenging journey. But these journeys can yield beautiful blessings and miracles.
Be A Stepmom. I never thought this would fall on my options list. Especially since I surrendered the desire to marry someday back to God, however, these days more and more women are becoming instant moms. Blended families are a thing. A lot of guys already have a child/children from previous relationships. I’ve been clear and firm with my own stance against getting involved with guys that already have a child/children. Been there. Done that. My deal breaker list has consisted of not dating guys with a child/children. But what if God shakes things up and flips the script on me? It’s not an easy path. There are important factors to consider. A great guy who’s also a father is a package deal. Not only will you have to adapt to this kind of guy already having a relationship in place with his child/children, but the mother of his child/children will likely be nearby too. And while every situation is different, you ultimately have to decide if these are things you can handle. You can’t always help who you fall in like and in love with so weighing if this is a good look and fit for you is only something you can know. If things work out, you’ll be blessed to co-parent with your partner and a family of your own too. You never know.
A lot of twentysomething women and older women sometimes put this tremendous pressure on themselves because of what their friends and family are doing and what “society” says a woman should be, but women need to know that they’re not on anyone’s timetable but their own. There are more options outside of what I’ve listed above, but it’s good to know there are options. You want to be a mom? Know your options and go for it! If not, do you. I’m not here to judge. Everyone’s journey is different. Just make sure yours is one that’s best for you.