Making Waves

Some people are too painful to be around. I have some family I don’t get along with and stay away from. Despite attempts to reconcile or take the high road, sometimes, it’s just best to love certain people from a distance. A lot of people struggle with this and one of the hardest realities I’ve come to grips with is owning,  I don’t want to be around them anymore.  When I was a kid I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t feel safe to vocalize how some family members and things made me uncomfortable. I’d stay quiet and think things like verbal abuse and being controlled was normal. To this day, I’ll never forget some of the painful things that were said and done. And as an adult it’s still tough at times. Being asked to attend family functions or events isn’t something I often enjoy doing, but I put on my big girl pants, play my role when necessary, and little by little, I’ve been able to be who I need to be and do what I need to do to adapt. But not without hearing things like, “You...

In thinking of you this week, a specific Bible verse came to my mind. -Isaiah 30:21- “Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Often, we cannot see the journey we’re on, while we’re taking it. It’s only afterward, looking back, that we see the train of the path.  Every good story is about a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. I know you’ve had a lot of stuff happen recently, and I just want to encourage you. Embrace conflict. Everything that happens… every swerve, roadblock, broken bridge, speedbump, and pothole are working together to make your story  great . One day all will be revealed. Jesus knows where you’re going. Heck – He’s driving!  You are loved, dear girl. I have been and will continue to keep you in my prayers. I can’t wait to see your story unfold! I know it’s gonna be a blockbuster. :) Five years ago, a girlfriend of mine (...

A modern bachelorette should value three things: her mind, body, and spirit. Taking great care of those three things not only brings improvement but can make you feel good and attractive to others. Attraction is an inside job first, and once you do the work, it’s amazing how others start to take notice. I’m always reading, writing, learning new skills, committing to a fitness routine, watching what I eat, and making sure I set aside quiet time with the Lord. Committing to those things on a regular basis isn’t easy but it feels good investing in  me . No one will love me the way I do and no one will love you the way  you  love yourself. Self-care is critical these days, especially in a day and time where so many people, especially women, are putting their self-worth into people and things that will ultimately let them down or worse, not valuing themselves at all. If no one ever tells you, I’m telling you, that you have value. Even if you don’t recognize it, you do. We all...

Every person you meet has an angle. Each and every one of us has friends, followers, and fans. And it’s important to know the differences between the three, because getting them mixed up can mess you up. It may seem obvious to avoid doing so, but not like you think. In the past, I made the mistake of mistaking different people I'd met, as actual friends, when really, they were people I’d either briefly been acquainted with, enjoyed my writing and blogging, or recognized me through mutual social media friends we shared. My circle consists of a small number of friends and family, and outside of that circle are some people I'm causally involved with. Let's be real, how many of us really have hundreds and hundreds of real-life friends? Don’t let social media fool you. We may have hundreds of people were  friendly  with but it’s important to keep perspective and keep everyone in their proper places and spaces. If you’re having trouble determining who goes where, look at the bre...

You can learn a lot from any job and in any job setting. As a full-time professional, I’ve been able to glean a handful of information from my time working in an office setting. Below are some professional etiquette tips I’d like to share with other millennials, and anyone else really, that I believe are beneficial no matter where you're employed. If you want to be hired, keep a steady career, and have the option to seek new opportunities, being professional is a must. Check out the crash course below… ·       Manage Your Emotions – We all have emotions that need taming. I know I do. There have been times I let my emotions get the best of me when it came to disagreements with other colleagues or those I was providing a service for, but whenever I feel my emotions rising, I step away from my desk and take a break. There will be people and situations that get on your nerves, and on some occasions, make you want to quit your job. But don’t allow yourself to be l...

It's none of your business how God decides to bless someone else. Yet, many of us make it our business the moment we get salty, throw shade, or hate on someone else we perceive has a much better life than our own or envy what they have. Whether it be someone else's accomplishments, accolades, a promotion, significant other, family, friends, vacations, options, pets, education, career, income, freedom, car, house, computer, phone, or anything else you can think of that you don't have in your own life or want, the moment you don't give someone else their props or negatively comment or criticize what they've got (that has nothing to do with you) then, my dear reader, I'm afraid you're probably a hater. It happens to the best of us. Now, let me note. Not liking someone or something doesn't classify you as a hater, but when you focus too much on the someone or something you don't like or covet what others have, you're surfing on hater waves. I've...

Did you know single people can have save-the-dates too? I do. Every month I save my own dates to prioritize having some fun. Save-the-dates are pre-invitations engaged couples send out before wedding invitations to let their guests know about their upcoming nuptials. I just send mine out via text to some single and non-single friends who are able to attend whatever fun events or activities may be going on. I don’t go too over the top. A bachelorette save-the-date can be as simple and low key as getting dressed up with some girlfriends and going out for a night out on the town or staying indoors in sweats and watching Netflix. Your save-the-dates can be whatever you want them to be, so as long as you’re having fun. You can go solo or be in the company of some cool people. Just be sure you’re doing special things for  you.  Block off a few weekends in your own calendar dedicated to some saved dates. There’s always something fun and creative to do and as a bachelorette, your tim...

We all have things that get on our nerves. I have a handful. Sarcasm. Group texts. Oversharers. The list goes on. The benefit to having things that get on your nerves is the opportunity to exercise different fruits of the spirit for both your personal and spiritual growth (see Galatians 5:22). I immediately think of exercising patience and self-control when it comes to my own peeves. Such as… ·          Sarcasm – It’s not as funny or clever as some people think. I find it unattractive, condescending, and rude. And it benefits no one. ·          Group Texts – If a message isn’t something pertaining specifically to me, I’d rather not be in a group text. I don’t like getting a bunch of responses from people I either don’t know or that I’m not directly communicating with. ·          Oversharers – It goes without saying, but these days, people reveal way too much abo...

In the black community, there's a huge stigma about mental health issues and seeking professional help to resolve those issues. A lot of black people, and especially Christians, think that just going to church, letting things work out on their own, and keeping everything completely to themselves is a great fix instead of medication or professional help in the form of counseling. There's usually an “I don’t want everyone all in my business”, “I’m not crazy” or “What happens in this house stays in this house” mindset, and a lot of Christians feel they have an obligation to be okay 24/7, which is unrealistic and a front. And I'm writing from the experience of someone who, in the past, hasn't been okay, functioning fine on the outside while struggling inside. When I knew I needed help, I actively sought professional counseling and was able to get better. I’m a supporter of seeking professional help if and when needed. It’s almost impossible to be your own physician when it...

I figured out where the beautiful men are. Turns out, they go to the gym, sporting events, concerts, the beach, maybe some bars and clubs (although I don't recommend the bar or club option for quality boyfriend material), and anywhere else you may happen to be where there are people. A few weeks back I had an unexpected bae watch spotting of my own that was a refreshing reminder of the joys of singleness. I was hitting the gym per usual when I spotted him. And to my surprise, I caught him staring at me when I was checking in. He was tall, tan, athletic, had effortless swag, was covered in tattoos, and he was friendly. Our eyes met for a hot minute and I smiled and thought, wow, he looks good . I should go talk to him . When I finished working out, he was still hanging out at the entrance and on my way out the door I looked at him, and simply said, "Hi." He'd been talking to some other people before I walked up and he paused when I passed through, said hi back, and ke...

I declare God is going before me making crooked places straight. He has already lined up the right people, the right opportunities, and solutions to problems I haven't had. No person, no sickness, no disappointment, can stop HIS plan. What he promised me will come to pass! At the start of 2018, one of the pastors at my church called each member to the front of the church to pick up a framed declaration for the New Year. Each declaration was different for everyone (see mine above) and I have mine framed at my desk at work and saved on my electronic devices so I can see it and speak it to myself every single day. I find that the words above are especially helpful when I’m having a rough moment in my day or just a straight up rough day. It’s amazing the power spoken words can have over one’s life. As I continue to speak these words over my life and declare God’s goodness, I’d like to encourage anyone reading to do the same. Read Romans 4:17 and start speaking powerful words over you...

Racism still exists. Those who deny its existence may be racists themselves or ignorant of the state of today’s world. Either way, the impact of racism is devastating. Especially when it comes to different systems we have in place. As a minority, I’m aware that this isn’t just a “black” issue (as all minorities have likely been on the receiving end of some kind of prejudice or racism) but for the sake of this post, I'm centering on my perspective and observations as a black woman. I've experienced racism, both openly and silently, and when I saw it pour into different Christian environments, I grew upset, angry, and hurt. I’m aware that race was and still is an issue for some people, but as a longtime Christian, I expected better from other believers. After the 2016 presidential election, it appeared increased levels of hatred descended amongst this country along with many different Christian communities in ways I'd never seen or experienced before. A close colleague of mi...

I don’t get in other people’s business. I don’t have time to. Minding my own business keeps me occupied enough. Although we live in tell-all world with a lot of people who post all their business, drama, and announcements all over social media and apparently have free time in their lives to worry about and clock what other people are up to, I often wonder, why do people care about things that don’t concern them? Through a lot of trial and error, I learned when to shut my mouth and hold my peace. While I don’t mind allowing others to know me through my writing, and my aim is to be as honest and vulnerable as possible with it, during seasons when I was empty and going through trials, I used to foolishly make the mistake of talking too much with people who were as trustworthy as Judas and also vent on social media via status updates about private things that should’ve never gone public. When you’re a Christian and dealing with low points or having rough seasons, and even if you’re not a ...

When crabs are in a barrel making an attempt to climb out, a number of other crabs will pull the ones attempting to escape, down, in an effort to stop the crabs desiring to climb up and out, back down. This phenomenon amongst these snippy crustaceans is often identified as a “crab mentality.” Sadly, a number of black folks have this same mentality when it relates to others within their own community. We all come from diverse backgrounds and upbringings, but not everyone is afforded the same opportunities. I grew aware of this growing up as I was jokingly and sometimes cruelly referred to as “bougie” the  “white-black girl” or heard things like, “You’re not better than me.” I never saw myself as those things, and while I do enjoy certain things in life and own my bougie taste for different things, I’ve never aimed to look down on anyone else, judge them, or compete with someone within my own race for sport. I’m all for everyone choosing to better themselves. However, different co...