“I used to be like you. All
positive and stuff,” she said. “But people hurt me, even people I loved, and I
let it make me bitter. Now I’m an angry, bitter woman.” The woman that said
this to me was an old colleague. I already knew
she was bitter, because it often showed. She was almost always negative,
nasty, rude, and mean and as awful as she was towards me and others, I felt
sorry for her. Because after she shared that life had dealt her a lousy hand,
she chose to let it make her bitter.
Little did she know that as positive as she perceived me to be, I too, know the
pain of being hurt like her, even by people I love and who said they loved me.
I can identify with the weights, silent screams, and heartache of carrying pain
from:
Put downs.
Shaming.
Guilt.
Rejection.
Conditional love.
Manipulation.
Betrayal.
Abuse – physical and verbal.
And as painful as these things
are, I refuse to opt for bitterness, or to go through life not trusting people
or being open to love, because of bad things that happened. I’ve suffered in
dark places no one on the surface would ever know about unless I told them,
fallen apart, did the work (and continue to do the work) of getting pieced back
together and heal, and along the way managed pretending I was fine. It’s okay
to not be okay, and I don’t think a lot of people understand that. No one has
it all together. You have a right to
be angry, sad, and upset when you’re hurt, but don’t allow what or who hurt you
to imprison you. If you want freedom, you have to forgive people. Even when you
don’t want to, and I know that’s not easy to do. What’s helped me is recognizing
that hurt people, hurt people, whether it’s intentional or not. People are
flawed. Everyone is flawed, imperfect,
and makes mistakes, no matter who they are, and at any moment, the imperfect
people in your life are capable of hurting and disappointing you. You’ve
probably hurt people too, and are in need of forgiveness as well. Forgive others and forgive yourself. An important thing to know
about forgiveness, though, is that it doesn’t always require reconciliation or
means that you’re unforgiving if you decide not to reconcile with someone who hurt you. Depending on what happened between you and those you need to forgive,
it may not be healthy or safe to be in each other’s lives again. Every
situation is different, but it’s wise to pray on it before you consider reconciling. But I challenge you to do
yourself a solid, and forgive those you need to forgive and release them from
debts you feel owed. It will set you free.
“And when you stand praying, if
you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven
may forgive you your sins.” – Mark 11:25