The Miseducation of Miss Independent

Girl meets guy. Girl likes guy and guy likes her too. Girl screws things up (and has done so with almost every likable suitor she’s met) by coming out the gate with walls up, waving her independent “I can take care of myself” flag -- loud and proud, being passive instead of communicating her wants and needs clearly, and being too prideful and too much of a coward to let herself be open and vulnerable enough to allow herself to fall in like/love with someone and vice versa, and know while there’s risk for hurt, it’s okay to try again and again, until she meets someone who’s her equal. Because when she least expects it, she could end up with the right person at just the right time. Only first, she must acknowledge why she’s the common denominator in being boyfriendless, decide to change her ways and patterns that aren’t working, and understand that allowing a guy to be a guy and do things for her and feel needed, won’t strip her of her wholeness or cramp her style, and that while it’s great to be in a position where she can handle herself, it’s important to master balance. In fact, as she becomes less standoffish and stops letting her emotions or what her family and friends may think is best for her cloud her decision making, she could intentionally be making steps towards changing the game, which will require getting uncomfortable, unlearning some deep rooted beliefs she once held, and having a new approach to things. Will she finally snag the bae that stays? We’ll see.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves