Making Waves

It’s never a good idea to compare your life to someone else’s or what they’ve got going on. See, I recognize that I serve a “suddenly” God. Just because it took someone else this or that amount of time to get where they are, be with who they’re with, or accomplish what they’ve done, doesn’t mean it’ll take the same amount of time for me. And this is true for us all. I can remember being frustrated during different seasons of my life when my self-imposed “timelines” weren’t flowing as I hoped. I’d map out all these different plans for myself and ask God to bless them, instead of praying first and then getting some direction. Psalm 46:10 reads, “Be still, and know that I am God.” I used to think that standing still was unproductive. I felt if I wasn’t constantly moving, things wouldn’t happen, until I finally slowed down and stood still. Since I’ve gotten into the posture of doing this, I’ve watched as God put things together in a way that required nothing of me except the obedience of ...

The ugly world of politics has officially infiltrated the world of sports. It’s ridiculous, yet, not shocking. In a time of our nation being more divided than ever, with questionable leadership, closest racists coming out of hiding, and the natural disasters literally wiping out peoples once normal lives, why is it that one of the few enjoyable forms of entertainment, sports, now a political matter? Awhile back Colin Kaepernick stirred things up when he decided not to stand, but instead take a knee and kneel, in protest of the national anthem. When he did this it not only caused controversy, but it cost him his job. To date, he still remains unsigned to an NFL team. And what’s wild is he’s way too talented to not be signed. Plus, he’s a babe. I mean, come on, there’s nothing sexier than a hot guy standing up for what he believes in, or in Colin’s case, protesting. However, he made a choice and is living with the consequences. In an age of protests, speaking out, and taking a stand...

I’ve got beef with colorism. Colorism is defined as discrimination based on skin color. Myself and other young women I know have had to deal with issues surrounding it, both within our own race and others. I’ve struggled with colorism since I was a kid, and as an adult, I’ve still found myself in situations where I’ve had to wrestle with it. I’m not a hater and I’m not insecure, but I don’t like being treated like I’m invisible, because of my shade of brown as a woman of color. And I can't imagine that other women of color appreciate similar treatment as well.  I've had some girlfriends who've been darker than me suggest that from their perception, I'm light skinned, so when I've shared my colorism experiences with them, they've seemed shocked. However, I'm definitely brown and I'm not exaggerating what it's been like. I’ve noticed. Man, have I noticed. And I’ve felt awful every time it’s happened. I noticed during early moments in my youth,...

Sophia Amoruso is a genius. And her story is incredible. She’s the founder and CEO of NASTY GAL vintage clothes company .  The moment I picked up her book  #GIRLBOSS, I didn’t know what I was in for, and didn’t anticipate finishing it in 2 ½ days. I couldn’t put it down. #GIRLBOSS is a how to/inspirational/part-memoir guide on how a young woman built her own brand and business from the ground up, with lots of hard work, plenty of setbacks, and much determination and became a boss. As a young woman, I love what she shared, because it was refreshing to know that there are other young women out in the world unapologetically kicking butt, and fully going for what they want, as far as being a boss goes. In #GIRLBOSS she writes, “Here’s the thing about being a #GIRLBOSS – it’s not easy. It takes a lot of hard work to get there, and then once you arrive, it takes even more hard work to stay there.” And she’s absolutely right. I’ve recently found myself in a position where I’m flex...

Sometimes, I think if I was a dude, I’d be able to get away with just about anything. It’s a troubling thought but it’s a reality. I’ve seen this since I was a little girl and now that I’m a grown woman, I’m brave enough to confront it. I’m challenging the world of gender bias. I’ve had too many encounters and experiences where I’ve been criticized, ridiculed, insulted, and even threatened for daring to take a stand against the ugliness of it. When I experience it, witness it, or hear stories from other women who’ve endured it, it makes my stomach turn and what’s disturbing is, it’s becoming something more common and acceptable , which is horrifying. If a woman sets boundaries, demands respect, takes charge, takes a stand, or voices her opinion whether she’s home, in the public, or in many cases, a career setting, she’s quickly labeled as… Emotional. Cold. Mean. Difficult. Dramatic. Unlikable. A female dog. But if a guy sets boundaries, demands respect, takes charg...

Perception can be a tricky thing. I believe a lot of people form impressions about others based on what they see, without actually getting a real feel for what someone is all about. Think about it – how many times have you taken a look at someone and sized them up, based on what you saw? I’ve done it and have had it happen to me plenty of times. I’m usually surprised with some of the impressions formed about me when I encounter people who don’t know me well. Awhile back, when I changed my clothes at work before heading out to grab dinner with a friend, an associate asked, “Where you having dinner, Ruth’s Chris?” “No”, I replied. “I’ve never eaten there before, have you?” When she said she hadn’t either, we parted ways and I went off to dinner with my friend. The encounter made me feel some kind of way, because of the way she came at me with the question. Ruth’s Chris is a popular and expensive restaurant in my area and I’ve never been, nor have a desire to eat there. I don’t ev...

In a world that is filled with unkind people, why not be kind? It costs you nothing . I consider myself relatively nice, so whenever I have a run in with someone mean, unpleasant, or just straight up rude, it blows my mind. I’m not pretending I’m perfect, because I’ve had days when I didn’t feel like being kind, but I tried my best to work through it and do better. It amazes me the way some people treat people sometimes, and I wonder how many people grew up knowing the Golden Rule? You know, treat others the way you want to be treated . I think many people may have missed that and it definitely shows. I can personally testify that the Lord has tested me many times in this area, just to help me improve my character. It’s not easy being kind in an unkind world but as a believer, it’s often necessary to do so. It’s a kingdom representation thing. But if I can keep it real for a moment – sometimes, some people piss me off so bad I actually want to flip stuff over, however, I can’t do th...

I tried an experiment that seemed a little ridiculous at the time, but began to change my mood and my focus in the best kind of ways. I grabbed a stack of post-it notes, wrote out different things I wanted in and for my life, and posted them in a place where I’d see them every single day. I also spoke these things out loud to myself and noticed that as I spoke them, I began to believe them, and slowly but surely, began to see how they started to manifest in my life. This stuff really works. I also topped it all off with scripture. Romans 4:17 reads, “Calleth those things which be not as though they were.” Sometimes, I’ve waited for things to actually happen before I decided to get excited and celebrate, but now, as crazy as it may seem, I celebrate before arrival dates. I’ve professed all sorts of things over my life, and while all of them haven’t happened just yet, I have a spirit that waits in expectation while God delivers. If you want something in life, why not speak and believe ...

I once heard that one’s power can be measured by the decisions made when given the chance to have the upper hand against someone that’s done them wrong. I’ve often found myself in such a position, and have often chosen to take the high road. Because, while a moment of vengeance could grant me a level of temporary satisfaction against my opposition, my heart would never be at peace to stoop as low as an enemy. In fact, I often find myself feeling sorry for those at my mercy when I do get the upper hand. I used to trip whenever someone would say or do something dead wrong to me and think, Now would be a great time for me to transform into superhero mode. Vengeance will be mine! I’m totally kidding lol but on the real, it’s not my place or anyone else’s to “get someone back.” The funny thing about life is that it has an interesting way of catching up with people. I’ve seen it happen time and time again, to some of my worst enemies and it isn’t pretty. Even if I don’t see them get paybac...

At the end of last year I was introduced to a card game titled, Black Card Revoked . I learned of this game at a Christmas party I attended and it was fun, and very interesting. Black Card Revoked is a trivia-like card game consisting of questions celebrating black culture in the most exciting, hilarious, and engaging ways. When I played and it was time to split up for teams, I endured a little teasing from some of my other fellow African-Americans in the room for not being woke or black enough, but rather too bougie (a popular African-American colloquialism for being stuck up or extra fancy) to keep up. There were plenty of laughs and the game actually taught me some things I didn’t know, too. For the record, I’m very much woke and to this day and for life, my black card will forever remain intact. Anyways, the game is super dope and a lot of fun. What kind of games do you play at gatherings?

I used to think being selfish was a bad thing, until I learned that there are two kinds of selfishness. Good selfish and bad selfish. Sometimes, being selfish can be a good thing and other times it can be bad, only because bad selfishness is usually accompanied with icky and off putting vibes. I believe being selfish in a way that puts you first, so that you’re able to be in the right state of mind to be present and helpful to others is great. You can’t pour from an empty glass, so if you’re not putting yourself first by doing things that help you be a better person, like, taking time to recharge, having personal me time to decompress, and making decisions for your life that will take it in a positive direction, you’re not honoring yourself, which means you’ll be less likely to help others. Also learning to say the word no is necessary too. I used to feel really bad whenever I declined someone’s request or invitation to something that would require my time, energy, and/or money. My bi...

This past summer I got into listening to a cool podcast titled  2 Dope Queens. It features two, seriously dope women (Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson) who talk about everything from race to relationships, friendships, dating, breakups, make ups, and straight up raw and hilarious stories about life in general. I feel like Jessica Williams is my long lost sister. Seriously, she’s cool and I really love her work and willingness to be her unapologetically, dope self. If you’re looking for a cool podcast to check out, listen to 2 Dope Queens  sometime. What podcasts are ya’ll into? 

I love making lists. They’re a great way to stay organized. And one list I enjoy making in particular is my happy list. Essentially, a happy list is a list of things that make you feel happy. Whenever I’m having a bad day, my happy list is one of the things I look to as a fresh reminder of all the good things in my life. I even look at the list when I’m having great days. Everyone should make out a happy list. It’s a great exercise. I’ll even share mine. My happy list consists of… My relationship with God. Writing. Reading. The beach. Really good coffee. Being with the people I love (family and close friends.) Creativity. A really good laugh. Contagious laughs are a bonus :) Watching movies. Listening to dope music. It’s good to have a list like this to look to as a reminder of what brings a smile to my face, and if you make your own list you may find it'll lift your spirit. If you don’t have a happy list, make one. You won’t regret it.