I used to think being selfish was a bad thing, until
I learned that there are two kinds of selfishness. Good selfish and bad selfish. Sometimes,
being selfish can be a good thing and other times it can be bad, only because
bad selfishness is usually accompanied with icky and off putting vibes. I believe being
selfish in a way that puts you first, so that you’re able to be in the right
state of mind to be present and helpful to others is great. You can’t pour from
an empty glass, so if you’re not putting yourself first by doing things that
help you be a better person, like, taking time to recharge, having personal me time to decompress, and making
decisions for your life that will take it in a positive direction, you’re not
honoring yourself, which means you’ll be less likely to help others. Also
learning to say the word no is
necessary too. I used to feel really bad whenever I declined someone’s request
or invitation to something that would require my time, energy, and/or money. My
biggest fear was what if they get mad at
me or what if they don’t like me,
anymore? Now, I don’t care so much, because that fear was a bit silly. If
I’m going to be the best version of myself it will mean saying no to different
things, instead of yes. In Don’t Settle
for Safe Sarah Jakes Roberts says, “If you can’t handle my no, it’s because
you’re too comfortable abusing my yes.” Know this, if you say yes to everything, you risk draining yourself. As far as bad selfishness goes, being
completely inflexible all the time, having to have things go your way all the
time, and not being considerate of other people are great examples of being
negatively selfish. If you're not careful, that kind of selfishness can cost you valuable relationships
and opportunities to be a blessing, and to be blessed. I
wanted to note the differences between these forms of selfishness, because I’ve
experienced and noticed how some people are comfortable attempting to put
others on guilt trips about this, without recognizing how much good
and bad selfishness differ. And selfishness truly has differences.
I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...