I used to think being selfish was a bad thing, until
I learned that there are two kinds of selfishness. Good selfish and bad selfish. Sometimes,
being selfish can be a good thing and other times it can be bad, only because
bad selfishness is usually accompanied with icky and off putting vibes. I believe being
selfish in a way that puts you first, so that you’re able to be in the right
state of mind to be present and helpful to others is great. You can’t pour from
an empty glass, so if you’re not putting yourself first by doing things that
help you be a better person, like, taking time to recharge, having personal me time to decompress, and making
decisions for your life that will take it in a positive direction, you’re not
honoring yourself, which means you’ll be less likely to help others. Also
learning to say the word no is
necessary too. I used to feel really bad whenever I declined someone’s request
or invitation to something that would require my time, energy, and/or money. My
biggest fear was what if they get mad at
me or what if they don’t like me,
anymore? Now, I don’t care so much, because that fear was a bit silly. If
I’m going to be the best version of myself it will mean saying no to different
things, instead of yes. In Don’t Settle
for Safe Sarah Jakes Roberts says, “If you can’t handle my no, it’s because
you’re too comfortable abusing my yes.” Know this, if you say yes to everything, you risk draining yourself. As far as bad selfishness goes, being
completely inflexible all the time, having to have things go your way all the
time, and not being considerate of other people are great examples of being
negatively selfish. If you're not careful, that kind of selfishness can cost you valuable relationships
and opportunities to be a blessing, and to be blessed. I
wanted to note the differences between these forms of selfishness, because I’ve
experienced and noticed how some people are comfortable attempting to put
others on guilt trips about this, without recognizing how much good
and bad selfishness differ. And selfishness truly has differences.
As you embark on your career, I want you to know some things and stay woke about what you’ll be up against. Please understand that no matter what, you have value, and you matter. Always remember that. As progressive as this world and different workplaces may seem, every workplace has a culture. You’ll be in different places where a lot of people who don’t look like you will be in the room. But know that you belong in those rooms too. Spend some time observing and studying those spaces and learn as much as you can. There will be people you work with who will make presumptions about your competence, education, and ability to fulfill your job duties. There will be more who will think less of you because of the color of your skin and try to disqualify you the moment you make an error, mistake, or ask questions about things you may not understand. This will all feel uncomfortable and you may get insecure, feel like you’re all by yourself, and think you don’t belong there, but ride it out...