Good Selfish, Bad Selfish

I used to think being selfish was a bad thing, until I learned that there are two kinds of selfishness. Good selfish and bad selfish. Sometimes, being selfish can be a good thing and other times it can be bad, only because bad selfishness is usually accompanied with icky and off putting vibes. I believe being selfish in a way that puts you first, so that you’re able to be in the right state of mind to be present and helpful to others is great. You can’t pour from an empty glass, so if you’re not putting yourself first by doing things that help you be a better person, like, taking time to recharge, having personal me time to decompress, and making decisions for your life that will take it in a positive direction, you’re not honoring yourself, which means you’ll be less likely to help others. Also learning to say the word no is necessary too. I used to feel really bad whenever I declined someone’s request or invitation to something that would require my time, energy, and/or money. My biggest fear was what if they get mad at me or what if they don’t like me, anymore? Now, I don’t care so much, because that fear was a bit silly. If I’m going to be the best version of myself it will mean saying no to different things, instead of yes. In Don’t Settle for Safe Sarah Jakes Roberts says, “If you can’t handle my no, it’s because you’re too comfortable abusing my yes.” Know this, if you say yes to everything, you risk draining yourself. As far as bad selfishness goes, being completely inflexible all the time, having to have things go your way all the time, and not being considerate of other people are great examples of being negatively selfish. If you're not careful, that kind of selfishness can cost you valuable relationships and opportunities to be a blessing, and to be blessed. I wanted to note the differences between these forms of selfishness, because I’ve experienced and noticed how some people are comfortable attempting to put others on guilt trips about this, without recognizing how much good and bad selfishness differ. And selfishness truly has differences.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

Black Male Athletes And Their Dating Preferences

In the 2017 horror film Get Out , there’s an unforgettable scene when one of the film’s villainous characters, Rose, a young white woman, is seen eating Fruit Loops and drinking a bottle of milk through a straw as she searches the internet for “Top NCAA prospects.” This moment in the film is frightening because the purpose of Rose’s search is to ultimately lure young and unsuspecting Black men to a deadly fate after she begins dating them. If you’ve seen the film, you know how everything ultimately turns out, but if you haven’t, you’ll have a better understanding of the bigger picture. Recently, college football superstar and future NFL prospect, Travis Hunter, became a source of media scrutiny and controversy regarding his relationship with his fiancée, Leanna Lenee. Much of the criticism was around his fiancée and comments she shared about how she wasn’t initially interested in Travis before they started dating. Additionally, she received backlash regarding the couple’s interact...

Making Waves