Challenging Gender Bias

Sometimes, I think if I was a dude, I’d be able to get away with just about anything. It’s a troubling thought but it’s a reality. I’ve seen this since I was a little girl and now that I’m a grown woman, I’m brave enough to confront it. I’m challenging the world of gender bias. I’ve had too many encounters and experiences where I’ve been criticized, ridiculed, insulted, and even threatened for daring to take a stand against the ugliness of it. When I experience it, witness it, or hear stories from other women who’ve endured it, it makes my stomach turn and what’s disturbing is, it’s becoming something more common and acceptable, which is horrifying. If a woman sets boundaries, demands respect, takes charge, takes a stand, or voices her opinion whether she’s home, in the public, or in many cases, a career setting, she’s quickly labeled as…

Emotional.

Cold.

Mean.

Difficult.

Dramatic.

Unlikable.

A female dog.

But if a guy sets boundaries, demands respect, takes charge, takes a stand, or voices his opinion whether he’s home, in the public, or in some cases a career setting, he’s usually praised, supported, gets a pat on the back, a promotion, a parade and is treated like a king.

I think that’s bogus.

As a woman, I have a voice and I’m not afraid to use it. If having boundaries, standing up for myself, having an opinion, or not being confined to the roles of what some deem to be a traditional woman, makes others uncomfortable, then quite frankly, that’s sad. We all deserve to be respected. I believe a lot of women shrink in fear to step forward with these issues, because they’re scared of what people think and of the reactions they’ll get, for simply wanting to be treated with the same respect that is generously handed over to men. I’m not a man hater or anything like that, but to stay quiet about this is unacceptable. Whenever I’ve been called any of the names I’ve listed (and I’ve been called those names plenty of times… such is the case when you take a stand) I try not to let them bother me too much. Words can hurt, but building a strong foundation that is not shaken by the opinions of others is something I’ve been working on. I could be quiet about gender bias, but the thing is, I can’t afford to not speak up. It’d cost me too much.

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Ditching Dating And Decentering Men

Today’s current dating climate is bizarre. It’s grown so bizarre, that men barely, if ever in some cases, will approach a woman in person and ask her out on a date. Instead, the new normal has become DM sliding, creeping on social media accounts, and liking photos to build romantic connections, which honestly doesn’t sound too romantic or appealing to me at all. As a child of the 90s and a teenager of the early 2000s, I miss and prefer the time when men interacted with women without hiding behind technology. There was something special about handwritten cards and notes, thoughtful dates, serendipity, and intentionality. After having some unpleasant encounters, embarrassing moments, and failed set ups (from well meaning people who believe I need to be partnered), I’ve decided, that now, at 36, to choose me. I’m ditching dating and decentering men. I’m no longer interested in meeting anyone, dating, or creating space to prioritize a relationship. I’ve never been a male-centered woman any...

He’s Not Going To Marry You, Sis

About a year ago, a thirty-something-year-old revealed to me that he didn’t want to marry his girlfriend. He explained how they traveled together, how much she turned him on, and that she was a single mother. He also described her as a non-ambitious woman. While he doesn’t have kids of his own and doesn’t want to start a family until he’s married, he made it clear that his girlfriend isn’t “the one.” When I asked him if he wanted to marry her, the room fell completely silent. Her child from a previous relationship is what makes him hesitant. He went on to share that he still doesn’t know what he wants and that he’s not into having a blended family. However, he’s dating a single mother who I imagine has no idea he feels this way. One of his married friends told him, “I know you’re sleeping with this girl and hanging out with her, but if you’re not going to marry her, you need to break up with her.” I even warned him that he may end up getting got if he’s not careful… but he doesn’t thin...

Making Waves