Challenging Gender Bias

Sometimes, I think if I was a dude, I’d be able to get away with just about anything. It’s a troubling thought but it’s a reality. I’ve seen this since I was a little girl and now that I’m a grown woman, I’m brave enough to confront it. I’m challenging the world of gender bias. I’ve had too many encounters and experiences where I’ve been criticized, ridiculed, insulted, and even threatened for daring to take a stand against the ugliness of it. When I experience it, witness it, or hear stories from other women who’ve endured it, it makes my stomach turn and what’s disturbing is, it’s becoming something more common and acceptable, which is horrifying. If a woman sets boundaries, demands respect, takes charge, takes a stand, or voices her opinion whether she’s home, in the public, or in many cases, a career setting, she’s quickly labeled as…

Emotional.

Cold.

Mean.

Difficult.

Dramatic.

Unlikable.

A female dog.

But if a guy sets boundaries, demands respect, takes charge, takes a stand, or voices his opinion whether he’s home, in the public, or in some cases a career setting, he’s usually praised, supported, gets a pat on the back, a promotion, a parade and is treated like a king.

I think that’s bogus.

As a woman, I have a voice and I’m not afraid to use it. If having boundaries, standing up for myself, having an opinion, or not being confined to the roles of what some deem to be a traditional woman, makes others uncomfortable, then quite frankly, that’s sad. We all deserve to be respected. I believe a lot of women shrink in fear to step forward with these issues, because they’re scared of what people think and of the reactions they’ll get, for simply wanting to be treated with the same respect that is generously handed over to men. I’m not a man hater or anything like that, but to stay quiet about this is unacceptable. Whenever I’ve been called any of the names I’ve listed (and I’ve been called those names plenty of times… such is the case when you take a stand) I try not to let them bother me too much. Words can hurt, but building a strong foundation that is not shaken by the opinions of others is something I’ve been working on. I could be quiet about gender bias, but the thing is, I can’t afford to not speak up. It’d cost me too much.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves