Making Waves

It’s been my experience that many religious communities have naïve practices when it comes to educating young women about the topic of sex and embracing and owning their sexuality. Some teach women to be afraid of it. To rebuke it. And to ignore what is a very natural part of being a woman. I was raised Christian and struggled with some shame-based teachings regarding this subject. As a grown woman, I’ve realized that while my teachers may have meant well, I no longer have to share all of their beliefs or views. I remember hearing handfuls of purity messages and receiving purity swag at breakout sessions during youth conferences. Us teenage girls were told, “Having crushes can cause lust and invite lustful spirits.” “Sex is bad.” “You could get pregnant or catch a disease.” “Stay pure.” “Wait until you’re married.” And on and on it went. The parents at the church I grew up in were also encouraged by leadership to opt us out of the Family Life Education programs taught in our middle ...

Since COVID-19 hit, more time indoors has allowed more time to stream great films and televisions shows. One show I’ve been able to take in during this time is a football drama called  All American.  I couldn’t stop watching it. And if you’ve never seen it, you should add it to your watch list as soon as you can. Here’s why.   1. It has a solid storyline.  All American  tells the story of a talented and rising star athlete, Spencer James (Daniel Ezra) who has the opportunity to leave his current school, South Crenshaw High and attend Beverly Hills High, under the mentorship and leadership of his coach, Billy Baker (Taye Diggs), who invites Spencer to play for his team. While the premise of the show centers around football, it’s relatable and it speaks to both urban and privileged communities. The strong storyline gives a glimpse into different worlds through the eyes and experiences of Spencer. It intersects his worlds to find levels of understanding and ...

I’ll never forget the day I was threatened to be fired from my job.  It was about fifteen minutes towards the end of my workday. I was asked to meet two higher-ups in a fluorescent-lit room. They sat me down after another colleague who was also in a leadership role, expressed concerns about me and my work performance. At the time, I was caught off guard. I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing and more. I’m not an insubordinate worker or a troublemaker, but you don’t have to be either of those things for conflict and opposition to come your way. I felt defenseless because I knew the colleague who reported me was behind what was happening. He had a negative perception of who he thought I was and expressed that I wasn’t a good fit for my position. He tried to tear down my character. He went through all my work looking for errors and mistakes and was abrasive, condescending, and sometimes refused to help me and others whenever some of us asked for assistance...

As you embark on your career, I want you to know some things and stay woke about what you’ll be up against. Please understand that no matter what, you have value, and you matter. Always remember that. As progressive as this world and different workplaces may seem, every workplace has a culture. You’ll be in different places where a lot of people who don’t look like you will be in the room. But know that you belong in those rooms too. Spend some time observing and studying those spaces and learn as much as you can. There will be people you work with who will make presumptions about your competence, education, and ability to fulfill your job duties. There will be more who will think less of you because of the color of your skin and try to disqualify you the moment you make an error, mistake, or ask questions about things you may not understand. This will all feel uncomfortable and you may get insecure, feel like you’re all by yourself, and think you don’t belong there, but ride it out...

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. You’ve got to be assertive and intentional.  While COVID-19 has some things on hold, it hasn’t slowed up online dating. Since I’ve already done the bar and club scene, went out on some dates that didn’t go anywhere, talked to different guys who didn’t treat me right or strung me along, and had some unrequited crushes, I figured I’d give dating apps a try. I was against this for  years  but recently decided to be more open.   Don’t knock it until you try it, right?  I downloaded the Bumble and BLK apps.  My time on Bumble and BLK was eye-opening. First, I set up profiles on each app. I went through maybe five or six different photos of myself until I found one I thought was perfect. Then I completed a list of my interests, selected my status, my age preferences, and what I was looking for.  Except for one thing.  How does this swipe left, swipe right thing wo...

I met a guy who asked me about my hair. He asked about my ethnicity too. Before we talked, he was going through some of my photos and thought I was biracial because of my Brazilian body wave hair. (Hair that I paid for and had professionally put into my own.)  I told him the truth. “I’m black, like,  fully  black. And that’s not all my hair. I’m glad we talked about this early.” And he didn’t freak out or ask a ton of odd questions or express disinterest. Which was a relief, since he was black too. There are a lot of black men who either don’t like or make jokes about black women who experiment with extensions, weaves, wigs, or more, so his question opened the door for us both to have an open dialogue about my hair.  When hair salons were ordered to close due to COVID-19?  My social media feed lit up, and a lot of people were flipping out.  Especially a lot of black women. I was able to see my stylist and have my sew-in taken out ...

When I was finishing college, all hell broke loose. I had former friends, some family members, and some co-workers, who started hating, throwing shade, and doing almost anything they could to throw me off and discourage me from finishing school. It was one of the hardest seasons I’ve ever been through. I juggled three part-time jobs, had a few employers cut my hours when they found out I was in school, which impacted the money I was using to pay for school and other responsibilities I was taking care of. There was a difference in the way I was being treated. As long as I wasn’t doing anything to better myself, people were cool with me earning nothing more than minimum wage and being the go-to friend/family member/employee that was available for what they wanted or needed, which was selfish. I was also doing my best to tune out the noise of family members and friends who were encouraging me to quit school and questioning if I’d be able to get a job with an English degree. Looking...