If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
You’ve got to be assertive and intentional.
While COVID-19 has some things on hold, it hasn’t slowed up online dating. Since I’ve already done the bar and club scene, went out on some dates that didn’t go anywhere, talked to different guys who didn’t treat me right or strung me along, and had some unrequited crushes, I figured I’d give dating apps a try. I was against this for years but recently decided to be more open.
Don’t knock it until you try it, right?
I downloaded the Bumble and BLK apps.
My time on Bumble and BLK was eye-opening. First, I set up profiles on each app. I went through maybe five or six different photos of myself until I found one I thought was perfect. Then I completed a list of my interests, selected my status, my age preferences, and what I was looking for.
Except for one thing. How does this swipe left, swipe right thing work? Hmmm…
It’s a process. I’m new to the world of dating apps, so I eventually figured out that swiping left means you’re not interested and swiping right means you are. Got it.
BLK was chill and I felt like the guys up there were more of my type, as far as looks and similar interests are concerned. In past posts, I’ve mentioned that although I don’t discriminate or have a prejudice against other types of guys, I mainly prefer black men. However, I wasn’t the biggest fan of all the shirtless thirst trap photos I came across. There were so many of them. I can appreciate a man who takes care of his body and I like toned and athletic builds, but if I don’t know you, I don’t need to see your abs right away.
Bumble had an okay selection of different types of guys. I even saw some guys I went to high school with up there. The cool thing about this particular app is that women get to make the first move. That’s right ladies, you get to shoot your shot first. You can swipe right on guys you’re interested in, and they have 24 hours to choose whether they’re interested or not until the connection expires. Or you can swipe left if you’re disinterested. You also have the opportunity to switch from the Bumble Date setting to Bumble BFF setting and can use the BFF switch on the app to get up with people you’re interested in having casual friendships with.
Between both apps, there were pros and cons.
The pros? You’ve got options. A lot of them. You can narrow down who and what you’re looking for based on your profile and settings. I liked being able to connect with guys who shared the same beliefs, educational background, were career focused, and had similar interests that matched my own. Another thing I liked that stood out were the number of men my age and older who didn’t have kids. That was refreshing, since I don’t either. I’ve been told it’s hard to meet guys my age or older who don’t have them, but the apps told a different story. I don’t discriminate against guys who have kids, but I prefer to date guys who don’t.
The cons? Because we’re all in a season of social distancing, getting up with someone is not entirely feasible right now. Sure, you can call, text, and video chat, but nothing beats the real thing. Also, pictures don’t always tell the truth. You’ve seen the MTV show Catfish before, right? People aren’t always honest online. So while I went through different profiles, I wondered if some of the guys I saw were really who they said they were. A lot of them had more than one picture, so that helped. But still. You never know. There’s also the risk of dealing with rejection and being rejected. Which is something you risk anyway when you’re trying something new and putting yourself out there. And the hookup requests were gross. As it turns out, some guys are just as disgusting online as they are in person.
Some of the guys were chill, though. Some wrote that they were looking for serious relationships. Some were casual and open to seeing how things could flow for the future. Some guys already had kids and wanted to have more, and there were some who didn’t and were unsure about whether they wanted them someday. And there were a ton of others who were just doing waaaaaay too much 😆. At one point I had to back up because of all the notifications. Overall, the experience was fun and engaging. It was definitely outside of my comfort zone.
I put my accounts on pause, but then picked them back up again. In the words of one of my favorite rappers, Drake, “Moment I stop having fun with it, I’ll be done with it.”
Algorithms can connect us with those we may share common interests with but determining whether someone is a good match for you takes more than that. I’m fully aware that looks are a huge thing with dating apps and while personality, shared values, and compatibility are important, truthfully, most of us are visual human beings. We’re naturally drawn to who and what we find attractive.
Whether in person or on a dating app.