Making Waves

Comply and die. Resist arrest and die. Complicated, isn’t it? The relationship between much of Black America v. the current justice system and especially law enforcement is complicated. So much so, that it’s left many people divided on this controversial yet current issue. As a black woman, I’m very much aware of the hate, prejudice, racism, and police brutality that currently continues in our society, no matter how much some non-minorities express that it doesn’t and quickly dismiss that race and racism are often “exaggerated”, or that the Black Lives Matter movement is non-inclusive, which couldn’t be further from the truth. For the record, the Black Lives Matter movement doesn’t indicate that other lives don’t. Of course all lives matter. It’s crazy how that gets twisted. I didn’t realize how bad things were until July 2013, when George Zimmerman was found not guilty of the murder of 17-year-old teen, Trayvon Martin. Even more tragic than the murder and dismissal of that case, we...

Celebrate yourself and throw your own parties. Seriously. I’ve done it and it feels good. Too many of us wait until we “arrive” to what we’ve worked for and towards before we celebrate, only to briefly pause and go towards the next fleeting accomplishment or accolade. Why not celebrate yourself and where you are right now? No matter how minor or major your moves, you should be proud of yourself. For example, I’m single and making the choice to enjoy it and working on building my life in another direction. I don’t want to get married anymore and I’m not wasting the remainder of my 20s, future 30s and so forth waiting or praying for a husband to come along that may never come along. I’m living my life how I want to live it. That’s worthy of a celebration. I know other people who are starting new careers, relocating to new cities/states/countries, settling down, breaking up, and rebuilding their lives after major losses and tragedies. And all those things are worthy of celebration. How...

If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve attended an HBCU (historically black college or university.) More specifically, Howard University. I’m grateful to have had the college experiences I had, but I believe an HBCU would’ve been good for me. I would’ve been able to relate to my peers more, my dating prospects would’ve been lit, and I’d have another family outside my blood family that I’d be in touch with to this day. I attended three schools through undergrad: I had a brief stint at a community college and attended two Christian schools. I specifically chose a Christian college, even against warnings from others, because I wanted to be around other like-minded believers but what really happened was I got my naïve Christian bubble popped by the time I graduated. I was so naïve that I was practically dense when it came to Christian campus culture. The only difference between Christian schools and secular schools is that at secular schools most students and professors are just stra...

What’s on the inside really matters most, right? At least that’s what most of us are taught growing up. However, in this vain and superficial society, looks do matter. Even to those who aren’t vain or superficial. I’m not. But I know the truth. Some people are born beautiful and some aren’t. It’s just the way life works. And you likely know this too. And anytime you meet someone who’s been gifted in the looks, personality, and intellectual department? Consider yourself extremely blessed. You’ve officially spotted a rare species of human beings, complete with the almost perfect combination of wonderful genes, quality personality, and humble intelligence. Believe it or not, I’ve met these kinds of guys and sadly, a number of them have either been spoken for already or assumed I was spoken for and didn’t make a move #bummer. Anyways, while internals such as personality, how you treat others, and respect are important, I believe appearance matters as well. One of the first things people n...

You could be one meeting, one chance encounter, e-mail, phone call, or connection away from having your entire life changed in extraordinary ways. I've been writing for a long time and I can remember different times when I tried reaching out for different writing and publishing opportunities and kept getting rejection after rejection after rejection. I'd get discouraged and think maybe I wasn't meant to be a writer nor had what it takes to be a successful one. Then something wild happened. I started meeting different people and when they asked me what I did, I’d say, "I'm a writer." Suddenly, I’d find myself in touch with someone who knew someone, who knows someone else that's into writing and could help me get published. And that’s exactly what happened to me at the end of 2017. I was face to face with a published author who gave me all the information I needed to get published. See how God works? When I started taking more meetings I felt like, "W...

I was low-key miserable and resentful. And it was my fault. I was a people pleaser and my insecure need to be liked eventually started taking a toll. People tend to like you when you comply all the time, although I’ve learned, they usually don’t respect you once you become a doormat. What happens instead is you usually become the puppet to their puppet master and things can get complicated once you decide to snip the strings. I knew things were getting bad for me the moment I got anxiety about checking my phone out of fear of more growing requests for my time. I intentionally began avoiding it. How do I change this? I thought. Whenever a call or text came through I already felt myself dreading coming up with a response. For a very long time, I’ve struggled with telling people no and setting boundaries with my availability. Turns out, myself, and others I know have had a difficult time with these things too. When one of my friends referenced me as a people pleaser it put a bad taste ...

I believe many Christian communities and churches have failed singles. I could give a fake testimony about the blessings of Christian dating and singleness, but instead, I’ll be honest and testify to the fact that being a good girl, doing things the “right” way, and playing by the rules has practically gotten me nowhere. I haven’t met the right person or even come close to landing the one. I’ve casually dated, prayed, been patient, gave up, repented for giving up and prayed to keep the faith, read almost any and every book on singleness (even one about praying for your future spouse – which I shelved shortly after reading), encouraged other single women struggling through their own seasons, battles, and insecurities, and finally decided to take my life in another direction. Because, brutal truth? You can be as holy, pure, and as good as a Christian as you want and it still won’t guarantee a quality significant other or a significant other at all. At best, you’ll watch almost everyone...