One evening as I was staring at my reflection in my bathroom mirror, I paused. I took a real good look at myself, did a little spin, and as I stared on, God said this to me: “Just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t experiencing love.”
The moment I heard those words, I started crying. I suddenly felt refreshed when I thought about all the love I have in my life with God, myself, my close family members, and my friends, and my heart was filled with joy. Though the love I’m experiencing isn’t “romantic,” it’s exactly what I need it to be and it’s enough. Especially as I celebrate my single girl era.
I’m enjoying being single, ya’ll. For real.
It’s taken a minute to arrive at this level of contentment, but I’m grateful for my singleness and I find myself unapologetically celebrating it as much as I can. I’ve even turned down some date invites because of how good I am on this end. And I’ve got to say that this may be one of my best (and favorite) chapters yet. Because I have a lot of peace. Which is very important to me.
I’m not pressed about dating, settling down, or having a baby. I’m just doing what I want and living my life on my terms, and I feel good and purposeful with this. And though this “guide” is not the go-to source for every woman in the world navigating their own single girl era, these are just some things that have helped me while enjoying the ride. My heart’s desire for any single woman reading this is that you know you are seen, appreciated, and loved.
Love Yourself, Girl, Or Nobody Will
In 2013, J. Cole dropped a hit titled, “Crooked Smile.” I love the song, and a line that has stood out the most to me is when he says, “Love yourself, girl, or nobody will.” Love begins with you. While moving through your single girl era, I believe it’s important to love yourself. It’s an ongoing journey but loving yourself should be a regular thing because you deserve love. Turning it inward before desiring it outside of yourself sets the tone for who or what you may be attracting. Sometimes I’ve seen people who didn’t like or love themselves choose partners who didn’t like or love themselves either, which ultimately didn’t end well. So make loving yourself a regular practice.
Have Cool Outings
I enjoy being a homebody, but occasionally, I enjoy going out – which means having cool outings with family and friends. I’ve taken art classes, taken a cooking class, gone ice skating, attended concerts and theater performances, fed milk to goats on a farm, and so much more! One of the best things about being single is that you can do just about anything you want, and depending on your level of singleness, you have the freedom, income, and space to have cool and exciting outings too. So prioritize having cool outings and enjoy them.
Don’t Envy Couples… Especially Married Ones
Have you ever been scrolling through social media and seen different photos of couples hanging out, having extravagant trips and dinners together, and even some wearing matching outfits? Or seen engagement, wedding, baby shower, and gender reveal photoshoots and felt some type of way? I used to… until I realized how staged a lot of that stuff is and how none of us ever really know what’s going on with those folks. I’ve spoken with married, separated, and divorced couples, and have even had transparent conversations with new parents, and single ones too, who’ve let me know that what you’re seeing isn’t always truthful. I don’t envy anyone in those seasons of life because they come with a lot of sacrifices and responsibilities that would disrupt how I move as a single woman. I’m not mad or sad about not having a man or child impeding on my body, my time, or my money. If you knew the real story behind the lives of the people you envy, you would be shocked. Remember, just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t experiencing love. If you’re meant to be with someone, it’ll happen. If not? Enjoy celebrating your singleness.