Even more interesting was noticing that the young men I attended church with weren’t being held to the same standards. I later learned many of them were actively listening to secular music, experimenting with alcohol and drugs, watching porn, and hooking up with different young women around the time those messages were being pushed. And when I realized this and approached my twenties, then my thirties, I began questioning different things I was taught and raised to believe were entirely “good” or “bad” based on the convictions and teachings of different Christian leaders.
I soon began going through a resetting process of my own about the kind of Christian woman I wanted to be, how I wanted to show up in the world, and reexamined how my walk would best please God as opposed to pleasing other people. Especially after observing, experiencing, and recovering from the following:
· Harmful, controlling, and manipulative legalistic practices in church settings that were supposed to be safe spaces.
· An unforgettable childhood experience with racism while attending an overnight Christian summer camp.
· Harsh criticism and attacks from nonbelievers who don’t care for Christians or Christian communities at all.
· Body shaming from peers and adults in Christian leadership positions.
· Virgin praising from peers and adults in Christian leadership positions.
· Slut shaming from peers and adults in Christian leadership positions.
· And legalism, sexism, and racial discrimination while attending undergrad at a Christian university (and during the time I was employed at a Christian workplace too).
It’s not easy being a believer in today’s climate.
At some point, you’re going to have to make some hard choices that may lead to passing on different opportunities (some of which will look and sound incredible at first…until they’re not), saying no to different dating prospects and setting some serious boundaries and ground rules if you choose to date, ending certain friendships, and accepting the fact that your life may look entirely different than what you planned, hoped for, or what society and the culture claims life should be like for someone like you.
And I assure you that there will be times when you catch hell from different sides of it all.
There will be Christian Crazies who will be happy to rebuke you if you’re too different or outspoken about anything that doesn’t align with their church practices, church rules, or cliques. Then there will be nonbelievers who will hate you and attack you for choosing a different way of life that aligns with your faith, values, and core beliefs. Some will even claim that you think you’re better than everyone else. I remember being ridiculed and attacked for my faith in middle school, high school, and sometimes in college. I once got into a heated argument with a family member who came for me about my lifestyle and said, “You’re not better than me.” I was honestly shocked and hurt about that because I don’t think I’m better than anyone, and I’ve never thought that way. But when you choose to live differently, these things can happen.
Bad choices are glorified. Opposite ones are criticized. The word of God says one thing, and then the culture says another. It’s a lot to process.
And if you challenge what’s considered normal, you do so at the risk of being "cancelled" and frequently misunderstood for having a different view or opinion on things. Especially if you’re a believer. To a degree, you'll have some lonely moments, feel as if you don't fit in anywhere, and your life will always be in direct conflict with much of what this world considers normal and acceptable. For example, you can openly share and say that “God is good!” Then suddenly find yourself on the receiving end of questions like, “Well, if God is so good, how could He let bad things happen to good people?"
I’ve accepted that life’s going to do what life’s going to do, and I’m frequently learning to adjust accordingly.
Though my walk has changed since I was seven, there are certainly some things I don’t see myself changing my mind about, however, my goal is ultimately to walk in love and live a life that pleases God. If He approves, that’s all that matters to me. And the best advice I can give to any other believers moving through this world is to keep the faith and stay the course.
How you decide to approach and live out your faith is ultimately between you and God. Not your church, not your pastor, not your family, friends, colleagues, or the culture. But again, between you and God. No matter where you find yourself on this journey, I pray you will remain faithful, be encouraged, and remember that you are loved.