Years ago, a friend of mine asked me for advice regarding a life change she was considering. She explained her situation and shared, “I wanted to talk to you because you give really good advice.” I was flattered and surprised by her statement. Mostly because while I’ve been approached by family, friends, colleagues, different students I teach, and sometimes even strangers who have asked me for advice regarding whatever it was they happened to bring my way, some haven’t always listened and then proceeded to make regretful decisions that could have been avoided if they had listened to what I shared in the first place. And lately, a group that’s heavily been on my heart and mind are women in their twenties.
I’m only 33 but I remember what it was like for my friends and me moving through our twenties. It wasn’t the easiest decade to navigate, and it certainly had its ups and downs, but armed with the experiences, advice, and wisdom I have now, there are definitely things I believe we all would have approached differently. That said, here are twenty pieces of advice and wisdom for this generation of twenty-something women of the world…
1) Don’t be entitled. Life doesn’t owe you anything and you’re likely going to pay a lot of dues before you get wherever it is you’re trying to go.
2) Listen to your parents. You may not always like or agree with them but since you don’t know everything, I promise they know more than you think they do. Did I already mention you don’t know everything? Learn to shut up and listen.
3) Spend as much time with your parents as you can. Watching different people in my life lose their parents has continually reminded me to love and appreciate my own. Make time for them while there’s still time.
4) Show up for the ones who matter most. You’ll know who they are because they’re the ones who’ll be there when you’re up, down, winning, losing, and trying to figure things out. Showing up for each other will be critical when life happens in ways you didn’t expect or anticipate.
5) Quality over quantity. Always. Apply this to your choice of friends, to the experiences you want to have, and to who and what you decide deserves your time.
6) Don’t move in with that guy you’re dating (and don’t let him move in with you, either). I don’t care if an engagement has been discussed, a proposal has taken place, or if he’s Michael B. Jordan fine. Don’t move in together and don’t get financially entangled with someone who’s not your spouse. Also, never get a place based on someone else’s income. If you can afford a place on your own, go that route instead.
7) Be careful with your goodies. Remember that song “Goodies” by Ciara that dropped back in 2004? If you haven’t heard it, check it out. My favorite line is when she says, “If you're looking for the goodies, keep on looking, 'cause they stay in the jar…” I know it’s 2023 and that every woman approaches their decisions about sex and sexuality differently, but Ciara’s approach is dope too. Her approach also helped her snag Russell Wilson, so there’s that.
8) Use protection. I’m a Christian woman but I also know different women (including single Christian ones) who are out here getting it in. However, many who have been taught to save sex until marriage aren’t always properly schooled on how to approach sex safely and responsibly. So if you are having sex or planning to, keep it safe, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, and explore the best contraception options that fit your needs.
9) Go see your doctor, dentist, and gynecologist regularly. Keeping up with your appointments and your health are super important. Don’t neglect these visits.
10) Be mindful of your mental health too. There’s nothing wrong with seeking counseling or therapy if and as needed.
11) Save money. Even if it’s just a five-dollar bill, save it. It will still build and grow over time.
12) Educate yourself. I get that college isn’t for everyone but if you believe you can go, see it through. If not, learn a trade, explore your options, read books, see cool art, and educate yourself.
13) Pursue your passions. This might take time to figure out but once you figure out what this means for you, pursue your passions seriously. If you pursue your passions, in time, the profits will follow too – and not just financially.
14) Be on time. You’re on time when you show up five minutes early (or even earlier than that). However, you’re already late when you show up right on time. Respecting time will take you far in life.
15) Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Anyone striving to be great or who’s actively winning in life isn’t arriving there on their own. They’ve likely asked for help and had help along the way. So don’t be afraid to ask for it when you need it.
16) Be mindful of the way you approach and use social media. Social media is a tool. Use it wisely – your future employers and current ones will be watching…
17) Don’t let anyone dull your shine. You will always have haters, naysayers, and doubters. Don’t let them bring you down. They have a way of unexpectedly elevating you if perceived correctly.
18) It’s okay to take time off work. Use. Your. Leave. And use it without guilt. Feeling bad? Take time off. Need a mental health day? Call out. If anything ever happened to you, your replacement would be prepared to take your place.
19) You’re never too important to treat others right. Treat everyone with respect. This will become vital as you become more successful. Keep a humble heart and spirit no matter what level you’re on.
20) Take it one day at a time. You don’t have to have everything figured out in one day. No one has it all figured out. At best, we’re all doing the best we can, and the best thing for you to do as you move through this decade is to take things on one day at a time. You’ve got this!