As a working professional, there have been plenty of times when a coworker or superior sent an email my way that was petty, mad disrespectful, and unprofessional. And before I learned how to properly utilize email etiquette, my first instinct would always be to clap back. I just felt the need to respond and to communicate that I wouldn’t allow anyone, no matter who they were, to disrespect me. And while I haven’t taken things too far (as it’s foolish and unprofessional to send a response when you’re in your feelings about a message that’s been sent your way), in the past, I’ve made the mistake of responding almost immediately after an offense took place (instead of giving myself time to cool off), and I didn’t always confront the offenses face to face, which could have eliminated miscommunications.
So, that said, here are my tips for responding to nasty emails. I hope they help.
Take a deep breath and HALT. Whenever you receive an email that doesn’t sit well with you, take a deep breath, and then take a moment to think about how you’re feeling and HALT (which means “stop”) and is also an acronym that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. If you are already feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired and someone sends you a rude message, your response likely won’t be a good one. So even if and when the message that comes through is nasty, do your best to simply breathe and halt before responding.
Have a face to face conversation. This past year, one of my colleagues took an unprofessional tone with me while assisting me in my classroom and then sent a rude email that followed. When I received the email, I requested to speak to my colleague in person. And although her response to my request was even ruder, I didn’t back down. I went to her face to face to have a conversation to discuss what happened. And although it wasn’t the most comfortable conversation, I knew that a conversation in person (as opposed to a lengthy email thread) was necessary to communicate to my colleague that I wouldn’t let her disrespect go unchecked. Sometimes face to face conversations, no matter how uncomfortable, are needed to eliminate unnecessary issues and miscommunications. Always aim to stay calm and professional when having these conversations, and before you respond to a message, ask yourself if you would communicate the same way face to face.
Keep the receipts. Sometimes your biggest defense will be holding on to your “receipts,” meaning, keeping a copy of the emails that are sent your way. This will be important because should you ever need documentation to support how you’ve been addressed and by whom, or to submit to your HR department, you’ll have evidence to help. This is why it’s also important to be mindful about how you choose to respond. You can certainly keep documentation of the conversations you’ve had in person if you’d like, but there’s nothing like having a documented file of emails handy to help you should you ever need to share them. In a past workplace role, I was frequently harassed by one of my managers, and though he was able to get away with his behavior, I kept documentation of the incidents that took place so that I had proof of what was happening.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts and intentions to remain professional, there may be times when a nasty email heads your way. But regardless, I encourage you to take the high road. Be cordial, stay professional, and do the right thing. You've got this.