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If You're Not Interested (Or Truly Available), Leave That Woman Alone

Earlier this year, I’d been praying about getting into a serious relationship. 

Shortly after I started praying, it seemed as if guys started popping up from all over the place – through my social media inbox, through some serendipitous encounters whenever I was out minding my business, and even through a close friend who asked if she could give my number to a guy she knew and wanted to introduce me to (who ultimately ended up never reaching out). Some of these encounters went nowhere, were very surface-level and superficial, and felt like a complete waste of my time. Beyond a few casual conversations and little to no chemistry or follow ups, I found myself disappointed at every turn. 

 

And then I ran into someone who almost immediately struck my interest. He was nice, smart, and well put together. Though we didn’t know each other long, we chatted a bit and kept randomly crossing paths. So when I noticed he didn’t have a ring on his finger, I wondered if he was truly available. I could have just asked, but instead, I prayed. It’s just something I do when I want God’s take on things – even with things like this. 

 

God, is he who you have in mind? If so, give me a sign

 

About a week after I sent that prayer up, I found out that guy was taken. Like, really taken. Married taken. But he didn’t carry himself like a married guy. He wasn’t super flirty or anything, but he also wasn’t vocal about his status. And when I realized this, I kept my distance. I don’t play with fire, and I’m all about boundaries and being respectful of other people’s relationships. But what’s been scary is moving through a world where so many people aren’t always honest or entirely upfront about who they really are. It’s tough trying to date in this climate. 

 

Sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s single and who’s not, who’s being truthful and who’s not, who’s truly interested in you for who you are as a person, or an opportunist trying to use you to get ahead. My whole thing with dudes across the board is this – if you’re not interested in someone or truly available, leave that person alone. Don’t lead someone on, take advantage of them, play games, waste their time, or lie. Be thorough and upfront about who you are, where you’re at, and where someone stands with you. If you’re not ready for something serious, speak up. If you’re not sure what you want, stay away. If you’re in a relationship and are already spoken for, kick rocks. Also, if you’re married, wear your ring, so there’s no room for questioning or confusion. 

 

As this year ends and a new one approaches, I don’t want to be sad, frustrated, or bitter about this prayer request. I want to leave things in God’s hands and move on. I still believe God is good, even when we get what we want and when we don’t, but I often struggle to understand why He allows so many good women to go without quality significant others, while women who are moving messy and reckless are the ones finding love, receiving proposals, having weddings, settling down, and starting families. It just doesn’t make sense to me. 

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